And... you know, whatever may have happened there.
What her parents said to Kyouhei.
And...
“But...”
She’d watched them in the darkening streets.
She’d seen Kyouhei and Pamil walking hand in hand.
“But...”
She didn’t want to believe it.
She tried thinking of all kinds of excuses, but hadn’t been able to come up with anything, so she’d waited for Pamil to leave before her and talked to Youko.
However...
“No buts—what other explanation is there?”
“Well... well,” Sanae spoke, curling in on herself like a scared rabbit, “maybe Nanbu-senpai exceeded the bounds of siblinghood and then was alone in the house with Pamil-chan... Then, everything went quiet, but, but, with more eloquence... Or perhaps, in the quietness, the surging feelings between a man and woman floated up like magma, then Senpai’s kind hands stripped her clothing and then finally... Ahhhh!”
“Calm down already.”
Sanae was writhing, as ever when it came to this issue—or actually, more so than usual—and so Youko slapped her across the back of the head.
“But... but, Youko-chan!”
“You’re just...” she glared somewhat for a moment at Sanae as her eyes teared up, before finally letting out a long sigh. “Every time you do this. Every time. You start going on with R-18 fantasies about the two of them.”
“...Y-Youko-chan?” Sanae blinked, realizing that something was different with her friend.
“This time I’m speaking my mind.”
“Uh... Uhm...”
“Do you think up these potential—but actually impossible—situations because you don’t want to hurt yourself? You must actually know that those two don’t say or do that kind of stuff,” Youko pressed Sanae as the latter trembled.
“...I...” Sanae said, hesitating as Youko cut to the heart of the matter.
“You come up with those delusions, then use those galge situations to cheer yourself up, telling yourself that ‘there’s no way that would happen in real life,’ don’t you?” Youko continued mercilessly.
Sanae had no words. Then, after a brief silence: “Youko-chan, you play galge?”
“That’s not the point!” Youko yelled, slapping the desk. “Anyway, rather than fantasies that are running away from reality... think realistically for once. If not, you’ll miss your chance to show your ‘love.’”
Sanae couldn’t even groan at the deluge of harsh words. She knew that none of it was said to hurt her; each one of them was to help. Youko was telling her that no matter how much she kept deceiving herself with these unrealistic fantasies, it wouldn’t change the situation, at least not in the way she wanted. If she couldn’t act in reality, she’d get nothing.
“Sanae, are you going to be happy just watching Senpai from the shadows?”
“...But... I...”
“I’m not telling you to just confess right now. Start with something small, like going somewhere together.”
For example, even if it was a staple, she could get two film tickets and invite Kyouhei. Or she could suggest discussing something with him, just the two of them. That would start making her more of a fixture in his mind, slowly but surely.
If she could do that, though, none of this would have been a concern. Sanae slumped in depression.
“Friends and boyfriends are different, you know?” Youko said in a less forceful voice, possibly unhappy at having to constantly lecture her.
Sanae was silent.
Yes, friends and lovers were different.
You could have many seats for ‘friends,’ but ‘lovers,’ at least with the sense of values Sanae had been brought up with, you could only have one. So, if you wanted that seat, you had to sit in it while it was still empty, or else dethrone someone else.
“Think about it,” Youko said, picking up her bag and standing up. “I’ve got stuff to do today, so I’m heading home.”
“Ah... Yeah, thanks,” Sanae answered, pasting a smile on her face.
Youko walked off, stopping at the classroom’s door. “Sanae.”
“Yeah?”
“Good luck.”
Sanae looked for something fitting to say, something to express her feelings, but all she could say was “Thanks.”
● ● ●
And that’s what caused it.
Sanae had taken a step, spurred on by Youko’s push at her back. Though what exactly she would do wasn’t something Sanae—who had gotten into romance uncommonly late and was still quite innocent—knew.
“...A realistic... fantasy...” she mumbled to herself as she trudged along her route home.
Of course, it wasn’t unimaginable. She didn’t watch Kyouhei just for the sake of it; she more or less knew if he was likely to do something or not. She prided herself on knowing best what kind of person he was.
“Senpai... wouldn’t rush into things so quickly... just because they live together... He wouldn’t,” she told herself quietly.
Kyouhei and Pamil had a complex relationship.
She tried imagining herself as part of it.
“Senpai is so kind, so he...”
Sanae had only had eyes for Kyouhei ever since he’d picked her bag up for her. It was such a little thing, but usually the norm would have been to pretend you didn’t see, so that small kindness, done just as a matter of course, stuck with her.
So, that day, he would...
It’s such a cold day, so he’d suggest going and warming up with a nice cup of tea...
It was easy to imagine. He had a café that he liked, and one that she had visited several times.
They’d be inside the Corvette.
They’d sit next to each other. Rather than purposefully putting a table between them, he’d prefer to sit next to her so they could feel each other’s warmth and presence. Then, she’d order a slightly sweet milk tea. They’d sit quietly and spend the time together, exchanging needless chatter and loving words.
But...
“...I...”
The one sitting next to him wasn’t Sanae.
It was Pamil.
She tried to take the imagined seat Pamil was sitting in, but couldn’t; she couldn’t imagine room for her in their relationship.
Suddenly, she felt a chill down her back. If Sanae saw things like that, surely Kyouhei would do so all the more? As things were, surely Sanae wouldn’t even register to him as anything more than one of many in the year beneath him.
“...No!”