“How brave of you to appear before me, Freyja, Champion of Light! I am the greatest king among all kings, the Dark Lord, Gormlaith!” a gruff, manly voice declared. We kept it our little secret that it was actually Gaslark speaking, who had hidden off to the side, projecting like a ventriloquist. “Long have I awaited the arrival of one so young as yourself! Join me, become my ally, and half of the world shall be yours to rule! What say you? Will you not lend me your hand?”
“Wh-what was that?!” Freyja’s face contorted, astounded. Machina had written the dialogue, though she’d pulled most of it directly from old video game scripts. Every elementary student back in my home country would know exactly what to choose here, and yet—
“Half—half of the world?!”
—our great Champion was seriously wavering.
“Wealth, prestige, authority, a perfect husband, younger than me at that, who would devote himself to satisfying my every desire—”
“Milady, this is obviously a ruse.” Lazalisa cut Freyja’s daydreaming short.
“Gasp! How awful! This Dark Lord will resort to the most hideous devices!” Man, this girl had issues. So many issues. No wonder she drove Lana crazy.
Welp, time to make my move.
I unsheathed Agaccion and broke into a run, screaming, “Foul lord of evil! How dare you try to lure our gallant Champion into temptation! I shall drench my blade in your blood!”
“Hit only her weapon,” I whispered to the enchanted sword. Sparks burst into the air and scattered as the staff and sword collided. Though I only lightly gripped the handle to keep it close, the impact made my whole right arm go numb. I’d gone easy on her, but Gormlaith was a genuine Dark Lord. Not many could stand unflinching before Agaccion’s strikes.
A chorus of clashing metal rang out over the meadow. The two of us put on a realistic show, continuously shifting stances and dodging throughout the sword fight.
“Ugh!” I groaned.
The blows reverberated down my arm to my spine. It hadn’t been long, but I’d reached my limit. I winked at the cloaked skeleton. On cue, we both brought down our weapons, locking staff and blade together, pressing closer as if in a competition of brute force. My eyes searched around for the marker we’d blocked out. Then far away, I saw a triangular yellow flag pop up with a ding. ♪
Quit it with the weird signals, Machina!
Our weapons still intertwined, the Dark Lord and I ran side by side to the designated spot.
“We’ll make it over without any issue, but how are you going to replace me?” she whispered conspiratorially. “Surely, a lump of earth will not suffice to deceive anyone.”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been saving a formidable stand-in for a moment like this. My only concern is whether we can actually defeat it.”
“What?! Are you sure this is going to be okay?!”
“Remember to disappear on my signal.”
“Oh, right!”
At last, we stood beneath the flag. No crimson blossoms grew in the area; only a small dirt-covered mound protruded from the earth. There were about fifty meters between us and Lana, Freyja, and Lazalisa.
Releasing Agaccion, I commanded, “Pound the ground like crazy.”
Spinning and twirling, Agaccion struck against the dirt repeatedly, sending a plume of dust to dance through the air with the explosive booms. After making sure the Dark Lord had vanished once more into the shadow, I hurried to make my own getaway.
“My Champion! Now!” I cried as I broke free from the dust cloud and ran back toward my companions.
Freyja began to chant, “In the name of the hallowed Gastolfo, I order thee, spirit of the earth, to do any bidding.” Instantly, the ground beneath the meadow shot up and closed in all around where the undead skeleton had stood a moment before.
Damn, that was quick.
I’d never seen a spell activate so quickly and on such an enormous scale. The earthen cage Freyja conjured could have entirely swallowed the giant turtle we’d fought before.
“Let’s do this, Laualliuna.”
“Freyja, I’ll chant first. Follow after me.”
“If I must. But this is the last time I’ll let you take the lead.”
Lana thrust her staff into the ground and spread her arms out wide-open. Freyja, a changed look about her, copied her movements.
“My Lord Ezeus, grant thy lowly servant a drop of thy primordial might,” Lana chanted.
““O dancing, singing, wandering spirits, ye who burn a crimson deeper than the blood that flows through our veins, O hallowed fires, become the Final Flame and engulf all before thee,”” Freyja joined in, her voice coupling with Lana’s.
“Behold the dragon’s breath, the prison of the unsetting sun, which like purifying flames falling from the heavens, devours and consumes the world of mortal life,” Lana continued. Then, closing out the enchantment’s final stanza together…
““May our power gather here. O replicas of destruction and calamity, darker than red, behold the sacrifice we have prepared at our fingertips! Through these primeval tenants of the world, we decimate thee to the last! Hoense Romea Dragbane!””
A ball of fire burst into life above the dirt prison. Electric shocks shot out of the small yet effulgent black flame, which ever so slowly descended to the ground. Suddenly, an emergency alert from Machina came through.
“Mr. Souya, my sensors have identified a reaction nearly on par with thermonuclear fusion in the area. Do you think maybe they’re malfunctioning? It must be, or you and the rest of your companions would have vaporized from the heat radiation. In fact, the energy source in question would have the potential to obliterate the entirety of the Great Land. Oh, whoops, my mistake. It would blast a hole through the planet.”
“I think your sensors are dead-on.”
This dimension apparently had something called an Arch Deus Intervention protecting it, which would snuff out any destructive force that threatened to devastate the world. The divine grace wouldn’t immediately neutralize the source that triggered it, but it instantly nullified any excess heat or aftereffects. Even now, the temperature felt close to seventy degrees Celsius, but it wasn’t enough to kill us on the spot.
“Hark my words, you have nowhere left to flee,” Freyja called out, and a part of the ground stretched up and up, then slammed down like a lid to seal the black ball of flames in the mud prison. “I further command thee, O great earthen clod, engulf thy prisoner, bear thy burden, devour thy captive! And…” The great mound swelled and wrapped itself thickly around its hostage. It must have picked up the moisture stored in the soil as well, because it looked almost exactly like clay that had yet to face the fire of a kiln. “…pulverize it to dust!”
At Freyja’s valiant cry, an undulant blast of heat swirled around the bloated mass of dirt. I could only imagine the hell that raged inside. As if to prove the point, the clay hardened into an impressive, eight-meter-large earthenware vessel.
“Did we get it?!” the Champion asked expectantly.
Nope, not yet, I thought reflexively, conditioned by previous experience. But not even the most indestructible monstrosity could take death blows like this and live to tell the tale aft—
“Not yet, Freyja,” replied Lana grimly.
Or maybe it could. My wife’s voice trembled, more anxious than I’d ever heard it before. A muffled crash resounded from within the baked mass of clay, then cracks began running down its sides. The heavy thuds pounded repeatedly to a steady beat.
Inside that earthen jail was none other than the magical horror Lana had cooked into existence from her failed attempt at making rice balls. Hoping we could finally get rid of this headache, I had placed it there to serve as the Dark Lord’s body double, but it looked like it wouldn’t go down that easy. To make matters worse, that last attack seemed to have broken the seal keeping it trapped. The ceramic cage shattered into pieces, and it came out.
“Huh? Is that a po—?”
Before Freyja could finish asking her question, I answered, “My lady Champion, that is the Dark Lord’s second form!”
“Its second form?!” Praise the gullible lady!
She was right, though; it was a pot. Atop of what looked like its head, the black, globular cretin wore a pot. It was hard to believe the Teflon crock had stayed intact after that concentrated onslaught, which had been a billion times more intense than thermonuclear fusion. At this point, the only recognizable part of its appearance was the pot-like thing. But even then, that had already become part of an unimaginable monster that looked like it hailed from another universe. Lana’s absurdly strong firepower hadn’t managed to destroy it, but surely, it would fall before these two ladies’ combined power, I’d thought. Only, that was before I’d watched my plan fail spectacularly before my eyes.