“For breakfast this morning, we have mushroom and cheese omelets, bread, and, umm, this soup with bacon and vegetables called…”
“Pot-au-feu, Lady Lanceil,” Machina offered.
“Yes, exactly, pot-au-feu. I stewed them in the magic pot (pressure cooker), so they’re soft and perfectly done,” Lanceil announced as she and the AI bot set the table.
Mmm, it feels nice to wake up to a ready-made breakfast for a change. Not as good as watching someone gush over how delicious something I made is, though.
“I’ve added extra bacon for you, sire.”
“Lanceil, I forbid you from taking even one step closer to my husband.” My elven wife intercepted the beastmaid on her way to deliver my breakfast.
“But—”
“I forbid it.”
“Very well, I’ll leave it here.” Lanceil gave in, then set the tray down a few steps away.
Lana retrieved the platter and brought it over to me. “Do you have anything to say in your defense for your actions this morning, Lanceil?” she asked, clearly close to losing it.
The vulpine culprit looked bemused. “I must say I don’t see why I should have to defend myself at all. I respected the nighttime restriction as it is reserved for marital consummation, but mornings are free to one and all.”
“M-marital consummation?! Why, that’s… We haven’t gotten there yet! But you clearly crossed the line! How terribly vulgar! You should know better!” Lana sputtered, beet red to the tips of her ears. Honestly, she looked super cute.
“I mean, you’re not exactly one to talk, Lala,” Éa pointed out after glancing over at her elder sister sitting atop my lap. She made an excellent point.
“Éa, Souya and I are married,” the elder elf retorted. “What could possibly be wrong with a wife sitting on her husband’s lap?”
“Pretty sure I can hear the pot calling the kettle black, but it doesn’t look like you’ve noticed, so just forget it.”
“Huh?” Clearly, she did not realize. This wasn’t the first time she’d done it, but riding a man’s lap at the breakfast table was a little, you know, vulgar, maybe. I was completely to blame, though; I didn’t have the heart to reject Lana. I mean, come on. The feeling of her relatively plump bum resting on my lap made that impossible. Show me a man who could willingly brush that off, and he’d have either my utmost admiration or utter resentment.
“Ah, this is so gooood!” Éa gushed after her first spoonful of the soup. Stone-faced, Lana tasted it for herself, too.
“Ghrr……… It’s delicious. How?!”
Pot-au-feu was made from stewed meat and vegetables. I’d brought granulated bouillon with me from the modern world, so it took practically nothing else to season the soup. Crumbling potatoes, softened bits of turnips and slivers of onion, rounded carrot cubes, and bite-size portions of bacon starred in this variation. I cleaved a chunk of potato in two with the lightest prod of my spoon. Reaching around Lana, I tried it for myself.
“Ohhh.” While a little light on salt, the soup sang with the savory flavors of the assorted vegetables and bacon, and a light sweetness bloomed on my tongue. I brought a generously thick piece of bacon to my mouth; when coupled with the vegetables, it evened out the saltiness superbly. All the other fillings were cut into perfect little portions, too, making this a breakfast I’d have any day. “Yeah, great job.”
“Oooh, ooooh, oooh!” Upon hearing my reaction, the foxy beastmaid hid her face with the tray. Trembling for some reason, she swung her tail furiously back and forth. She normally kept the tail tucked away beneath her skirt; if I walked behind her now, I would get a clear view of her panties. Not like I wanted to look, but…yeah, I actually did want to look. “A-and the omelet?!”
“Let’s see.” I reached toward the slightly burned omelet, slicing it open to unveil a luxurious mix of melted cheese and mushrooms. It was sweet; she’d added some sugar. The saccharine addition and the saltiness of the cheese highlighted the best in the other and brought out a deliciousness further accented by the crisp texture of the mushrooms. “Not a great presentation, but you get full marks for taste. Good job on this one, too.”
“Thank you very much, my lord!! And I apologize, but I cannot contain my excitement and must run off!!” With that, our chef of the morning took off across the meadow, quick as the wind. She looked incredibly happy from behind. I could relate to the feeling, but this was an extreme reaction.
“It’s kinda bland,” my little sister noted, then added a few heaping dollops of mayonnaise to her omelet. Lana took bite after bite of her own, her other hand clenched into a tight fist.
“Machina, I need you to give me another cooking lesson, so—”
“I am terribly sorry, Mistress Lana, but I must refuse.”
“Whaaa—?!” Nice one, Machina. Tell it to her straight.
“The truth is, I have so far been unable to dispose of your last cooking creation. Once we destroy that abomination, I will gladly pass on all the secrets I know.”
Not too long ago, Lana had spawned a mysterious mass while trying to make some rice balls. Unspeakably terrifying to behold and difficult to destroy, it had us up against a wall. Try to burn it, and it expanded; douse it with water, and it turned savage. No number of arrows or slashes from my enchanted sword caused it any damage. It was impervious to all manner of physical attacks. We also gave Lana’s magic a shot, but even her fires could not eliminate the monstrosity, though they did just barely manage to shrink and weaken the thing.
For the moment, we had sealed it away in a steel box. Still, the thrashing and clanging within was getting more violent by the day. Recently, we’d started hearing nails scratch against the steel and even whispers of what sounded like an unintelligible language. Machina had a good point. We couldn’t risk unleashing version two or three of that atrocity while the original still existed. It would put the whole Other Dimension in danger. As a representative of the modern human world, I had no right causing any trouble here.
“Ugh… It’s true, the responsibility for that does lie with me. All right. I’ll develop some method to exterminate it first, but afterward, you will teach me how to cook, promise?”
“Of course. Leave that part to me.” That was a close one.
Casually scanning the campsite, I landed on something out of place. “Machina, what is that?”
In the shadow of the AI, I’d spotted a mound, its contents hidden under a blue tarp. It looked as big as about five people lying down side by side.
No, don’t tell me—has she finally gone off the deep end?