“Hey!! What are you two gossiping about?! Are you enjoying a secret rendezvous?!”
“Do you shout about people having secret rendezvous every time you see a couple dating in the city? Don’t tell me you call places where couples go on dates secret dating hot spots?”
Watching our furious dorm manager, I poked Tsukiori in the side and pleaded that she go along with this in a low voice. Smiling wryly, she muttered, “Oh, all right.” Thank God.
We decided to move on to the dorm manager’s office at Fraum.
“So.”
Three pairs of eyes stared down at the two application forms for participation on the dorm manager’s desk.
“The welcome party is coming up soon, and yet why do you only have two application forms here?”
“My charisma must have attracted these applicants!”
“I didn’t mean that as a compliment, though I do find your willingness to take that as a compliment appealing. I asked you why you still have only the participation forms that Tsukiori and I submitted.”
Tsukiori had gone behind me and was playing a mysterious game of repeatedly leaning on me and then moving away.
Ignoring that, I stared at our dorm manager, who was looking away.
“Ma’am? Please answer me.”
“I—I don’t know…”
After taking a glance at me, she turned away with a “Hmph!”
“My heart is as open, spacious, and clear as the Alps Highlands. Wouldn’t you like to see how generously it will accept your sins?”
The dorm manager looked up at me, full of anxiety.
“Th-they were bad-mouthing Lily. They were saying she was a failure as a guardian and was a gold digger. So I ambushed them and splashed water over their heads. Then my bad reputation spread among the first-year students…and…they canceled their applications to come to the party.”
I wondered if Mule thought I’d be mad at her.
I placed the palm on my hand gently on top of her head.
“It wasn’t right, but you did good.”
“…Huh?”
“Well, maybe it was wrong for you to make the first move, but from a yuri perspective, I give you full marks for trying to protect someone that you love. But, ma’am, you’re a person who should lead others, so you shouldn’t get your hands dirty.”
I laughed.
“That’s my job.”
I gave her a gentle pat on the head, and she looked away.
I chuckled.
I hear it’s pretty disgusting to have your head stroked by a guy you don’t like. The protagonist in a light novel is probably the only person a girl wouldn’t mind patting her head. I’m sorry for making our dorm manager uncomfortable, but I’m taking advantage of this opportunity to make her hate me!
I switched places with Tsukiori when Mule brushed my hand away.
This is what I’m capable of! I didn’t win the Best Yuri Admirer Award for nothing!
Take that! Get a taste of the essence of my carrot-and-stick strategy!
It’s an instant switch from Mr. Popular to Mr. Unpopular! Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat!
“……” (I’m looking great.)
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
“……” (I’m getting a little uncomfortable.)
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
“……” (I’m starting to sweat.)
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
“……” (My face is starting to contort.)
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
“……” (I’m exhaling in anguish.)
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
“……” (My knees are shaking with despair.)
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
“……” (I’m crying as I start praying to God.)
Pat, pat, pat, pat, pat.
“……” (My self-awareness is falling apart.)
The view became distorted.
Exhaling roughly, I wandered through my blurred vision.
Wh-what was with this nightmare? Wh-when was I going to wake up? This was absurd. The rituals that I’d devised couldn’t possibly be broken. Ts-Tsukiori, help me. Where am I? What am I doing? I’ll be reincarnated when I awaken, and I’ll go to sleep after seeing all the yuri girls I want.
“Hey, Hiiro? How long are you going to keep that up?”
I gasped when I heard Tsukiori calling out to me and let go of our dorm manager’s head.
As I sweated profusely, I lost my balance, and Tsukiori caught me.
“Ts-Tsukiori… What day of which year is it today…?”
“The sudden stress has turned you into a time traveler…”
Our dorm manager blushed, looked away, and mumbled, “…I—I was just being nice.”
Then she pointed at my chest and said in a sharp tone, “There won’t be a next time! All I did was accept your allegiance for Lily’s sake! It’s inherently unthinkable for a male to pat me on the head!”
“Tsukiori, quick! Have her sign a contract! That there won’t be a next time!!”
“There, there. Yeah, that was scary. I know, Hiiro. You did great.”
With Tsukiori fussing over me, I got my share of the carrot and stared at our dorm manager.
“Hey, don’t you dare change your negative opinion about me, huh? You’re emotionally sloppy, you know? Any show of affection is like a ring you don’t know the size of. God only knows whose finger it would fit. That’s why you should only give that ring to the one precious person you come across in your life! And here you are—”
“Don’t talk in a heated tone like a hero in some robot anime! I didn’t stop you from patting me on the head because Lily said she was indebted to you! That’s the only reason why I held back from slapping your hand away!”
I tried it again. I carefully reached out to pat her head again, and she shrugged her shoulders angrily and immediately brushed it away.
I was revived from the brim of losing consciousness and slowly exhaled.
“Thank God. I’m glad to know that no such thing as a yuri game world existed where a heroine would be happy to have a male pat her on the head. Now that we’ve reformatted your memory until a few minutes ago, let’s get back on track with our main subject,” I said, and I laughed when she tilted her head uncertainly, perhaps unable to recall what we’d been discussing.
“The welcome party for new students. Chris will be laughing at you if Tsukiori and I are the only newbies attending.”
“…Hmph. That’s nothing new,” she said, sulking, and I smiled at her.
“That’s why Sakura Tsukiori here will cast a magic spell on you. That way, the number of people who come to the party will explode, the place will be filled with enthusiasm, and you’ll be flagged in glory.”
“I—I don’t know if you’re thinking of a magic spell or what, but I’m not going to apologize! It’s their fault. Why should I apologize?! An Eisbert isn’t taught how to bow her head in apology!”
“But, ma’am, sign with us now, and you’ll not only be exempt from making an apology, but you will also receive bonus gifts, which include toilet paper, laundry detergent, a HIIRO all-purpose task-handling machine complete with commentary (limited to comments on yuri girls), and a TSUKIORI fully automatic girl-seducing machine. All you have to do is sit there, and everything will be fine. That, indeed, is the role that a leader should do.”
I laughed and rested my hands on the table.
“Tsukiori can generate a pumpkin carriage with her magic, and you, dorm manager, can ride in it. That’s all you have to do. The magic trail will lead you to enjoy the party without worrying about the muddy paths.”
“Who will pull that carriage?”
“I told you.”
I stared directly at her.
“That type of thing is my job.”