“I’m glad you’re doing fine,” I said. “Um, this is just a hypothetical question, I guess, but what if I didn’t come back?”
“Why, are you looking for work out there?” Mom asked. “That’s fine, as long as you’re happy. We’ll miss you of course, but as your parents, we need to encourage you to stand on your own two feet. I’m sure your dad feels the same way.”
It was probably better that she misunderstood me. And I was glad to know how she really felt.
“You’re not coming back?” Sayuki’s voice came through the phone. She must’ve snatched it from Mom. She sounded annoyed.
“Sayuki? Nah, it was just a ‘what-if.’”
“Do whatever you want, but at least come back to see us before you stay there permanently. You gotta prepare for the move and stuff. And…I wanna apologize to you.” Sayuki fell silent.
“It’s me.” Dad came on the line. “You’re not ill, are you?” He was blunt as ever, but I could detect his concern.
“I’m fine. Couldn’t be better.”
“Good. I don’t know what’s worrying you, but remember that the failure of following a path chosen for you stings more than the failure of a decision you made yourself. It’s important to value other people’s opinions, but you always have the final say.”
Good advice, really.
“I get it. I’ll remember that. Thanks, Dad.”
“No problem. It’s your life, so live it how you want. You’ve grown so much, I’m sure you’ll make the right choice. Whatever you do, we’re your family, and we’ll support you the best we can. Make sure you look after your health, okay?”
The line went silent.
That phone call helped me make up my mind, but I still needed a final push. Instead of switching my phone off, I scrolled through my contacts to make another call.
“Hello?”
“Yoshi! Hokkaido’s not too cold, is it? Are you sleeping properly in those temperatures? What about Carol-chan? Did she get to see her parents again?”
I couldn’t help but smile at her questions.
You were worried about me, huh?
“I’m fine. Carol’s with her parents. She’s always racing around and making me play with her.”
“Oh, that’s a relief.” Seika laughed. “So what’s up? Something bothering you?”
“Not really…”
“You can’t fool me! You don’t just call me out of nowhere.”
I didn’t realize I was such a bad liar. No wonder Sayuki and Seika always saw right through me.
“To tell you the truth, the villagers asked if I wanted to live here. They could find me work, so…”
“Oh. What do you wanna do, Yoshi?”
“I dunno. It’s a rare opportunity, but then I might not be able to come home.” Especially if I died—but I couldn’t tell her that.
“I think you should do whatever you want.” She accepted it more quickly than I thought she would. I guess I was stupid to think she’d be begging me not to go.
“That’s the best way to pick, huh?” I said.
“Yeah. And wherever you go, I’ll come see you.”
“Huh?”
“I’ll come see you, whether it’s in Hokkaido or somewhere else. I’m not gonna let you get away again.”
I’m not just hearing things, right?
My face felt like it had burst into flames, my body tingling all over from some emotion caught between excitement and embarrassment.
“I didn’t know you were the type to chase…”
“I wasn’t. All this time I’ve been holding myself back because I didn’t want to hurt you, but I’m not gonna do that anymore. When we started talking again after all those years, I decided I wasn’t gonna let you go this time. I waited ten years for you, so you better believe I’m serious!”
I didn’t know she could be this assertive. I wondered what look she had on her face right now. Did she feel as awkward as me? Was she blushing?
“Say something, please? I just spilled my guts out.”
“S-sorry, um. Y’know. Me too.”
“That’s all I needed to hear. I don’t wanna make you say anything else. Put thought into your words first. Don’t promise me anything on the spur of the moment.”
When we reunited after so many years, I thought she hadn’t changed since we were students. But I’d been wrong. She’d grown out of her meekness. She was incredible.
“Okay. I’ll think, and…I’ll tell you someday.” Just as soon as I had some confidence in myself.
“I can’t wait.”
“I don’t get what you like about me, though. I’ve been a waste of oxygen for a decade. You should’ve given up on me.” I genuinely wanted to know why she hadn’t. If I were Seika, there’d be no way I could fall for a guy like me. I read online that women had higher standards than men and cared more about money than anything else.
“Why would I give up on you? You spend too much time online. I’m not some made-up statistic with the personality of a cardboard box. I’m your childhood friend Seika, who’s known you for more than thirty years. I’m…a woman who knows all your good points and bad points.”
Okay, that had been a dumb thing to ask, even for me. If a wonderful woman like her was attracted to me, then I had to stop putting myself down.
“Thanks, Seika. I know what to do now.”
“Whatever you decide, I’ll come to support you, okay? Sleep well.”
“Good night.”
The line went dead, and I heaved a breath. Now that I knew what my family and Seika had to say, I wouldn’t falter. Something tugged on my clothes, and I looked down to find Destiny looking up at me with big, kind eyes.
“Destiny. This is the last night we’ll be together. Wanna sleep with me?” I playfully lifted up the covers. It glanced up at me, shook its head as though it were too much of a bother, and curled back up again. Rejection. Well, that was fine. It would probably sleep better by itself, and we had a busy day ahead tomorrow. We both needed rest.
I lay down and closed my eyes. Even if I couldn’t fall asleep, I’d get a little rest. And after a while, I felt a weight on my body. I cracked my eyes open to see Destiny lying facedown on my chest.
“Good night.”
Its weight on me was comforting. Reassured, I soon slipped into a satisfying sleep.