🌻 🌻 🌻
I was in the hotel in Lapisasther. I’d gotten used to this place now, and I was fresh out of the bath, on the search for Lucas. He was usually in the study or bedroom, but he wasn’t there. After I went through all the rooms, I spotted him out on the terrace, puffing away.
It was an unusual sight; I’d never seen him smoke around me. When he noticed me approaching, he gasped and quickly snuffed out the flame. The vestiges of purple smoke wafted through the air, giving off a bitter and sweet scent before it dissipated.
“Sorry,” he apologized. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”
“Please don’t mind me,” I replied. “You felt like enjoying a puff, didn’t you? I’m sure the afternoon made you tired.”
He leaned his back against the terrace railing. I approached his left side, and he stroked my freshly washed hair.
“Thanks for being by my side today,” he said. “You should head to bed.”
“And what about you?” I asked.
“I’ll be awake for a bit longer. I’ve still got some work to do. I wanted to take it easy here, but I guess I’m not so lucky.” He shrugged and chuckled. But as I remained by his side, refusing to head to bed, he raised an eyebrow. “What’s up?” he asked. “Did you want me to be all sentimental or something? I’m sorry, but I won’t be doing that.”
“That’s not what you meant, is it?” I asked.
“Huh? What are you on about?”
“You said earlier, ‘I’ve already gotten what I wanted,’ didn’t you?”
“Yep. I told you, remember? Now I can expand into Lapisasther.”
“Perhaps you’ve gotten your hands on something else.” Lucas froze in place and fell silent, but I didn’t avert my gaze from my husband. “What you wanted was your father’s heartfelt words—affirmation that he loves you and that you’re a son that’s wanted. That you aren’t a mistake. And you also wanted him to repent his actions and confess what he’d done while apologizing to your mother. You forgave your father because he did both, didn’t you?”
“And what of it?”
“If my guess is true…I don’t want to leave you all alone tonight, Lucas.”
“Why not?”
“Because I think you’re putting up a strong front.”
“And if your guess is wrong?”
“Even if I’m wrong, I don’t want to leave you alone tonight.” Lucas fell silent, and I continued, “I’m just being selfish.”
“You’re really…” Lucas trailed off, his lips trembling ever so slightly as he shook his head, trying to rid himself of his emotions. He turned his back toward me and laughed through his nose, trying his best to sound as cheery as he could. “I’m just being stubborn!” he said. “I’ve been able to survive without relying on my father. I want to at least act like I can save my father without breaking a sweat, you know? How can I show my vulnerabilities? If I did, my mom, who raised me all by herself, wouldn’t be able to have the last laugh.”
He spoke rapidly before he fell silent. I gazed at my husband’s back. That’s probably not his only goal. If he leaves their relationship as it is, a father who abandoned his child and a son who was left behind, he fears his father will continue to act distant toward him for the rest of his life, I thought.
Lucas wanted to start over and build a relationship with his father. At the same time, he didn’t want to sweep his mother’s hard work under the rug. In a way, he was firmly acknowledging his life until now—a life that he desperately worked hard to obtain.
My husband purposefully showed his calculating side and face as a merchant. But he tended to hide the truth away. He had to sound crass and act tough to mask his more sensitive side. Or else, he’d be far too kind, and he wouldn’t be able to navigate this harsh world.
“Lucas, I love you,” I said.
I approached his back and wrapped my arms around his sturdy waist, nestling my body against his. Lucas’s unsteady breathing reached my ears, and I closed my eyes, refusing to see anything more. If he didn’t want to show this side any further, I wasn’t going to pry.
“May I stay like this for a bit longer?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he eked out. It was all he could muster.
I felt warm droplets fall onto my hands as I hugged his trembling body and quietly placed my forehead on his back. We stayed like that for a long while, and I did my best to support my husband.