🌻 🌻 🌻
WHEN night came, we sat on our bed and struggled to speak. Though Lucas was good at holding his liquor, his face tended to turn red quite easily. He’d told me in the past that he’d been teased about this adorable side and was embarrassed by it. His nighttime clothes revealed his chest just a bit, and for the first time, I realized that those who easily turn red would have even their collarbones look flushed. However, Lucas hadn’t taken a drop of liquor tonight. Still, even the tips of his ears were red, and he was fresh out of the bath, emanating a pleasant scent.
“Um…” Lucas started.
“Y-Yes?” I replied.
“Are all nobles just…fine about all this? You know, with all these preparations that are practically encouraging us to…”
“E-Erm…”
I didn’t know how to reply. Lucas looked like he couldn’t bear any of this, and I wondered if I was supposed to remain this calm. As I tried to come up with the right words, my husband spoke once more.
“Hey, say something, Karelia noblewoman,” he groaned.
“I…don’t know what to say,” I confessed. “Unfortunately, this…is my first time too.”
Unfortunate? I thought. Even I didn’t quite understand what I was saying, and confusion started to swirl in my mind. I had the covers hiding my entire body; I knew I was in quite an unexpected situation myself. I tried to hide myself in the white frills and could only pop my face out.
“This was beyond what…I expected,” I mumbled. “Um, this is completely not what I imagined…”
I regretted how calm I sounded earlier in the afternoon, blabbing on about tradition, as I faced down.
The room, perhaps filled with the scent of some sort of perfume, was sweet and floral, enough to be suffocating. When I was taking a bath, the maids happily made me as pretty as possible, combing my hair until it turned glossy, and preparing me for my big night.
“Jeez, I’m not used to stuff like this…” Lucas grumbled. He glanced at me. “Iris, speaking of, why are you covering yourself with blankets?”
“I-I look shameless…” I stammered. “Very much so. But these were the clothes… prepared for me.”
“What do they look like?”
“Please have mercy on me.”
“Just a peek?”
I silently cracked open the blankets I had wrapped around me, but Lucas quickly closed the opening. His mouth opened and closed like a stunned fish as he stifled the most inexplicable groan. He raised his voice as though he was unable to endure it.
“What are you…” he shouted. “Can those even be called clothes?!”
“I-I completely agree, I’ll have you know!” I cried back.
We both took deep breaths, our shoulders bobbing up and down as we tried to regain our cool. Lucas cleared his throat and reached out.
“This silk…is imported,” he said, touching the fabric that peaked through the blankets. “This sewing… Coldola must be involved. She probably abused her power to get this made…”
Silence settled in the room again, but I could no longer endure the awkward quietness.
“Um, what shall we do?” I asked.
“What do you mean?” Lucas replied, looking a touch angry as he pouted like a child and looked at me.
“Er… We’re, um, no longer in…a mariage blanc, correct?”
There was a beat of silence. “Right.”
I made my resolve. I slipped out of my blanket defense and faced my husband; I heard him gulp nervously.
“I know I’m inexperienced in this field, but I hope for your understanding,” I said.
“Do you even understand what you’re saying?” He touched my cheek, and I nodded.
“I do.”
“Are you serious?”
“I am.”
“Then…I guess I’ve gotta steel myself, too.”
“At the women’s academy, I was told to entrust myself to my husband. It was suggested that the man would be in charge.”
“Wait.”
“Yes?”
“Let me ask you something. Your mother… She passed away when you were young, right?”
“Quite right.”
“Did she ever tell you or teach you anything?”
“Huh? U-Um, no…”
We again fell silent.
“Um, Iris, has anyone else, uh…told you about the first night after a wedding?” Lucas asked.
“I learned a little…from classes at my women’s academy,” I replied.
“What did you learn?”
“Pardon?”
“Tell me. No, teach me. I’m being serious here.”
“O-Okay…”
A bit embarrassed, I whispered all the knowledge that I had into Lucas’s ear. It looked like he needed a moment to process what I said as the room became quiet.
“Huh?” he asked. He widened his amber eyes and peered at me dubiously.
“Um… Was I wrong?” I asked.
“That doesn’t even begin to describe it.” He turned pale and stared at me, the warm air suddenly turning cool. “It sounds like you don’t understand what tonight entails,” he said.
“But you do, don’t you?” I replied.
“Er…well… I guess…”
“Then it shouldn’t be a problem, should it?”
“Hey, now.”
“That’s what my teacher told me.”
“Ugh… Give me a break.”
Lucas’s gaze wandered at my words as I again wrapped a blanket around me.
“Iris,” he said, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry to say this after you’ve steeled yourself and all, but…”
“Yes?”
“Let’s not do this tonight.”
“There’s no need for you to act so reserved. I’m more than prepared for anything that comes my way,” I insisted.
“But I don’t want us to do it like this.”
“But…”
“Iris. This might be tough to hear, but I need you to listen.” His face was filled with reluctance as he grimaced before he whispered into my ear. “You do this… And then this… And then that…”
For a second, I couldn’t understand what Lucas had said. I froze in place and looked at my husband.
“What?” I asked.
“As I said…” Lucas started.
He looked so awkward that I almost pitied him as he again carefully explained what a first night after a wedding entailed. The more I understood tonight, the paler I became. I felt myself becoming stiffer as I hid my revealing negligee and took deep breaths to maintain my composure.
“Um, er… You’re lying, right?” I asked.
“Why would I lie here? That’s what a first night means,” Lucas replied.
Half of me couldn’t process what he said, but the other half had come to an understanding. Some of the questions that I had were being answered. I felt like screaming as I realized how embarrassing the words I’d said to Lucas earlier were.
“It’s the first time I’ve seen you so close to crying,” Lucas said with a dry laugh. He looked troubled.
How grateful I would’ve been if I could’ve just gone unconscious there.
“Has everyone been doing stuff like that…as though it’s natural?” I feebly asked in a trembling voice.
“That’s right,” Lucas replied.
“I’m sorry, I just…can’t quite process it all… Please give me some time to understand my situation.”
I was no longer able to leave the confines of my blanket.