His question shocked me so much that I couldn’t speak. This was the second time this happened. The first time was also with Sir Celes, but I didn’t expect the second time to be him too.
“I know you’re surprised at how sudden I’m being, but I don’t want to give you to anyone else. Not His Highness, not anyone. You’re still young, so you probably weren’t thinking about marriage yet. This is just my ego. But if it’s alright with you, would you become my family?”
He took my hand, his expression serious. F-Family — Me? Mine!?
“It has to be you. I don’t want anyone else — and I don’t want you to be with anyone else either. You don’t have to answer me now. You can think it over until we get back to Banfield.”
I looked at the bracelet on my arm as he spoke. It was carefully carved. It wasn’t something you could make in just one or two days. How long had he been thinking about it? I was so happy I wanted to cry.
I was overjoyed, but...I was scared, too. I didn’t want anyone else. I didn’t want to give him to anyone else. My feelings were the same, and I was happy that he proposed, but I was terrified.
What if I lost him?
What if we became a family, and I lost him?
What if I lost him, just like I lost my parents?
I was terrified, thinking that. I wanted to be with him forever. That wasn’t a lie, but the moment it turned into something as definite as becoming family, I got scared. I didn’t want to lose him. I was afraid of being alone, but if it would mean he’d go away, I’d rather stay by myself.
What should I do? It felt like something would change if I nodded, so I just kept staring at the bracelet.
“...Let’s get back,” Sir Celes said gently.
What if he thinks I don’t want to get married? Even though it wasn’t like that, I still couldn’t make a sound. I was happy that he wanted a future with me. I wanted to say that, but I couldn’t squeeze any words out of my sore throat. No, it’s not that. It’s not that at all.
Since I couldn’t talk, I clung to his arm as he began to walk away. It was the first time I’d done anything like that, so he stopped, surprised.
“Lucia?”
What should I say? I stopped him, so I should be able to give him a response, shouldn’t I?
“What’s wrong?”
As his fingers brushed my cheek, I realized I was crying. Once I noticed, I started sobbing. I tried to suppress them as I held his arm close, but it didn’t work.
“Did I scare you? I’m sorry, it was too sudden.”
“I...I...”
“Yeah, I’m sorry, Lucia. It’s okay.”
“N-No...it’s not...”
I needed to tell him. I didn’t want him to misunderstand. It was embarrassing that I couldn’t say yes because I was so afraid of losing him, but I knew he wouldn’t be angry with me because of it. I was afraid to nod, but I still needed to get my feelings across. I needed to tell him that I felt the same, that I didn’t want anyone else but him.
I just kept shaking my head, unable to get any words out. But Sir Celes just stayed with me silently.
“I’m happy. I want you, too. But...” I trailed off.
I’m scared. I’m scared, I’m scared, I’m scared.
I couldn’t look him in the face. What kind of expression was he making right now? I couldn’t tell from his quiet breathing. I squeezed my eyes shut, searching for the words. What should I say to get it across to him? I wished he could just see into my heart.
“But—”
“I’m not going anywhere.” With his warm voice, I felt his palm on the top of my head. He gently patted my hair as he continued, “Lucia. Don’t think that I’m gonna disappear on you if we become family. It’s true that we don’t know what will happen from here on out, so I understand why you’re scared. But I’m pretty tough, healthy, and I’m pretty good with the sword, so... Um, what else? Ah. I’ve got a lot saved up. If you’re worried about me being a knight, I could retire, and we could set up a shop or something. Hmm, or...”
When I raised my head, Sir Celes seemed to be thinking very seriously about how he could ease my fears. He understands... Once I realized, the tears welled up in my eyes once again. Why did I cry so much when I was with Sir Celes? I didn’t used to be like this.
“I don’t want you to leave me,” I said, trying to hold back my tears.
Sir Celes gently hugged me as I sobbed. He rubbed my back while I fretted like a child. “I’ll do my best to stay with you.”
“I’m afraid that you’ll disappear.”
“I promise I’ll be with you until we’re both old and wrinkled.”
“I’m scared. I’m happy, but I’m scared.”
“As long as you aren’t afraid of me, that’s fine. Bring it on!”
I burst out laughing at his joke. I’d been so terrified, but laughing just blew all the fear away.
“You’re the one I want to protect the most, but I’ll protect myself if it makes you happy. I won’t leave you alone. I’ll definitely make you happy.”
“You’re not allowed to die until you’re an old man, okay?”
“Okay, I promise.”
“Alright...” Since I was too embarrassed to let him see my face while I laughed and cried, I nuzzled his chest and nodded. “Please, live with me forever.”
Dad. Mom.
I might still be afraid of losing him one day, but it looks like I’m going to start a new family.
Please, watch over us...so this happiness lasts.