The girl came back to my castle time and time and time again, but never did I go to meet her. I did not wish to see her look at me again with that fear in her eyes. If only I had mustered my courage and apologized to her instead, perhaps I could have mended our relationship, as strange as it was. Alas, I would not go out from my castle. I was afraid. Whenever I closed my eyes I would see the look she had given me that night, when I had made that bright, kind girl tense up with terror.
So I hid in my castle, and in time the girl ceased to visit. I thought she must have finally lost whatever lingering affection she had for me. It came as both a sadness and a relief at once. And yet, telling myself I merely worried for her well-being, I ordered my ghouls to investigate whether those relatives of hers were feeding her properly.
The girl, they told me, was no longer at her relatives’ house. It seemed that she had been discovered to possess some mysterious power. I do not know what miracle the girl performed, but it was enough to earn her the attention of some church or other. The clergy had taken her into their care. As far as her relatives were concerned, it was a cause of great celebration. They were rid of their nuisance and came out of the affair with a good sum of money. Nonetheless, it was to the girl’s benefit as well to be away from that house. At the very least, the church was bound to feed her properly.
She was in better hands now than a man-eating fiend and her castle full of ghouls. This was a good thing. Or so I told myself.
Thereafter, the only visitors I had to entertain were humans who came to destroy me. I no longer wished to leave my room, so I left them to my ghouls. I ordered them to drive intruders off without eating them or taking their lives, and I locked myself away. The humans, however, must have taken this as a sign of weakness, for the attacks I faced only increased. The most dangerous ones wore heavy armor and called themselves Temple Knights. Thanks to their efforts, my ghouls declined precipitously in number.
And then, one day, the attacks simply stopped. I do not know why. Perhaps I had merely been forgotten. In truth, I did not care. After all, I no longer set foot outside my room in the old castle. I passed the time in silence, and years turned into decades, and then centuries. The girl’s human life span would have been long since exhausted. I wished time and time again that I could see her once more and finally apologize. But of course, she never came. I remained a coward until the very end.
I should have left my castle long ago, in search of the girl. I had been afraid, yes, but my heart longed to see her again. She could call me a monster if she wished. I just wanted so badly to apologize. I wished to tell her I was fond of her, even if she was a human and I was a vampire. A wish that could never be granted.
Every night I wept tears of bitter regret, not knowing why I continued to live. I fell asleep turning over my memories in my mind, and woke up to visions of the girl’s terrified face.
How long did I spend repeating that cycle, night after night? I could not say.
The ghouls, who did not have a vampire’s long life, turned to dust and vanished, and without anyone to look after it, the castle began to crumble from neglect. I could have created new ghouls, of course, but I feared drinking human blood ever again. Whenever I felt my cravings for blood, I saw that face in my mind. I had grown quite weak. When my castle finally crumbled to ruin, I would simply pass away in the warm rays of the sun. The thought didn’t bother me at all. If anything, I welcomed it.
And then, one night, my castle was burned down. As decrepit as it was, it was nonetheless a building of stone. For flames to burn so hot, someone must have soaked the area thoroughly with oil beforehand. It was astonishing that anyone should put so much thought into an attempt to slay me. It had been a long, long time since I had faced an attack as serious as this.
Men in silver armor kicked down my door brandishing spears, but I did not have the heart to try to elude them. The blessed silver burned like hot brands as their spear tips pierced my flesh, and as my body caught flame, I fled. My body leapt from the window without any input from my mind. It seemed my body was determined to live, even as my heart had given up on life.
What stirred my heart to beat once more, however, was what I saw when I plummeted from the sky. It was a girl, black of hair and black of eye. She bore only a passing resemblance to the girl I had known before, and yet, for a fleeting second, I thought she had returned to me.
I could hear the footsteps of the knights catching up to me. I worried they might take the girl for one of my companions. I tried to provoke her to flee, but my thoughts were hazy and muddled. And instead of taking my advice and saving her own life, she protected me. She saved me from the knights and offered me her blood freely to save me from the brink of death. She held me gently in her arms and comforted me.
I know that this girl is not the same girl as before. And yet, when she told me that I did not frighten her, it felt as though I had been granted salvation. She listened to my apologies. She made my ancient regret feel like a small, insignificant thing.
And so, I made up my mind. I would stay by this girl’s side. I would stop hiding within myself, only spending my life lamenting the past.
This time, I would not make the same mistake.
† † †
“And that...is the tale of my sin,” Elizavett said, bringing her soliloquy to a close.
“Sniff... Sob!” Fenrir cried, tears welling up in his eyes as he listened to the tale. He himself had left on a journey without a clear destination, searching for his Saint. Part of him must have sympathized with Elizavett’s loss.