“If knowing doesn’t dull the pain, then what will...”
After Chloe left, Ian sank deeply into his chair. He leaned back, let his gaze drift towards the ceiling, and released a deep, soulful sigh.
He was all too well aware that his feelings had a snowball’s chance in hell of reaching Chloe. How could they, when Chloe already had someone so special, so perfect in her life? This understanding had been with him from the very beginning. But strangely, Ian found comfort in knowing Chloe’s happiness was with Lloyd. If it had been anyone else, he might have harbored resentment. But Lloyd, he had quickly realized, was someone truly capable of making Chloe happy for the rest of her life. His brief encounter with Lloyd had painfully illuminated just how deeply he cared for her.
“I suppose I should just be glad the words even came out.”
Though the playful nature of his confession had fallen short of his intention, Ian felt a sense of relief, as if a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders. He knew what he’d done was a bit roundabout, a bit sly, even, but he had managed to coax an answer from Chloe, and that was enough for him. Perhaps the pain of their continuing friendship would linger, but that was nothing time wouldn’t fix.
Until meeting Chloe, Ian had cocooned himself in the protective embrace of his books, distancing himself from the people around him. Forget about love; that was something he’d only read about, never experienced for himself, he’d thought. But Chloe had inadvertently shown him the depth of his own feelings, revealing that he, too, was susceptible to those pesky complexities of the heart.
Chloe had shown him that truth, and in spite of the hurt, he was nothing but grateful for it.
“Perhaps the world outside isn’t so bad after all.”
The thought occurred to him—a newfound perspective—and no sooner than it had did he stand up and begin to close up shop early, ready to venture a step beyond the confines of his world.
✦ ✦ ✦
Lloyd’s steps home today felt just as heavy as they’d been the day before. His stoic face bore a deeper scowl, and he emanated the aura of one who wished to be left alone.
I managed not to trip over empty air today, but my focus still isn’t there.
Along with this thought, a sigh rose to his lips. During training today, he’d pushed himself to concentrate harder. He’d won the day’s mock duels, but only barely, dodging blows by the skin of his teeth on more than a few occasions. Hardly the one-sided dominance he was accustomed to.
This can’t go on for much longer.
Frustration brewed within him. He was the First Order’s ace. He was supposed to exemplify excellence, to be a paragon for others. His current state was unacceptable to him, and yet he felt powerless to change it.
Before he knew it, he’d arrived home. “I’m back,” he called out.
“Lloyd, welcome back!”
There she was, as usual.
But wait, was she “as usual”? Something seemed different about her today, Lloyd noted. “Did something good happen?” he asked.
“Oh!” Chloe gasped. She covered her cheeks with her hands. “Was it that obvious?” she said more quietly. “I guess you could call it something good, yes...”
Before Lloyd could ask what that something was, Chloe’s gaze turned scrutinizing, silencing him. “But what about you? You seem...down.”
Lloyd tensed. Chloe was absolutely right, and he wanted nothing more than to divulge everything that had been bothering him, but...he couldn’t. This is your problem, Lloyd, he chided himself. Do not make her worry. Do not burden her with your issues. Arriving at that conclusion, he gingerly opened his mouth. “I’m fine, same as usual—”
“That’s not true, is it?” Chloe said, cutting him off.
Taken aback by her unusually forceful tone, Lloyd met her gaze in silence.
“I knew it,” she said softly to herself. Facing him with a renewed resolve in her eyes, she said, “Lloyd, shall we go on a walk?”
✦ ✦ ✦
As twilight descended upon the city, Lloyd and Chloe walked side by side through the streets. The fading light of the sun cast a soft glow on their path, while the bustle of the city continued around them.
“This might be the first time we’ve ever gone on a walk at this hour,” Chloe noted, her voice bright.
“You’re probably right about that,” Lloyd responded, though his voice lacked his usual vigor. His mind was occupied with a single question: Why did Chloe suggest this walk? He could only guess that it was out of concern for him, a thought that roused his guilt.
They reached an intersection, and Chloe suddenly stopped. “Lloyd, look.”
Following her gaze to the busy main road, crowded with pedestrians and carriages, Lloyd was hit by a wave of memories. “The road where we first met...”
“Yes,” Chloe replied softly, a faint smile gracing her lips. “Almost half a year ago now.”
It’d been a rainy, frigid winter day. Chloe, fresh from her escape from Shadaf and her deranged mother, had been at the brink of despair. Freezing and starving, she’d been accosted by a trio of thugs. Right before they could drag her away to meet an unknown fate, Lloyd had appeared to her like a guardian angel. The way he’d so effortlessly dispatched the three thugs that threatened her remained crystal clear in her mind. She realized now that it was at that moment, all the way back then, that her heart had been stolen.
Love at first sight, was it? Chloe pondered, her smile growing warmer. “Shall we keep going?”
“Go where, exactly?” Lloyd asked.
“It’s a walk, so nowhere, really?”
“That’s...true.”
Lloyd scratched his head, a sheepish expression on his face, which made Chloe giggle. “The evening is still young. Let’s walk a bit farther,” she suggested, taking his hand in hers.