“I see,” Ian muttered, before falling silent, his expression turning introspective. After a moment of quiet reflection, he spoke, his voice shot through with a hint of melancholy. “The problem, I believe, is that you love Lloyd very, very much indeed.”
Chloe felt her heart flutter at his words. She had always known the depth of her feelings, but hearing them voiced by someone else was a different kind of mortifying.
“You’ve bared your heart to someone, and they have reciprocated in kind,” Ian continued. “It’s as if the floodgates of your affection have been opened, and now, lost in this newfound joy, you find it hard to be your old self. You love him so very much—that’s why your heart races; that’s why it’s hard to meet his gaze; and that’s why his presence overwhelms you, leaving you feeling so vulnerable.”
Chloe was taken aback by his insight. “W-Wow... It’s like you peered straight into my soul.”
Ian looked at her with gentle understanding in his eyes. “I’ve done no such thing. I know because I, too, was in love once.”
“My, it sounds like you’ve experienced a wonderful love yourself, then.”
“Yes, I have—a love that I’m watching wilt before my very eyes.”
“I’m sorry; what was that?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all. Now, let me ask you this, Miss Chloe: what is it that you want to do?” Ian inquired gently, guiding Chloe to reflect on her own desires.
“What do I want?” Chloe repeated, mulling over his question. “I just want to be myself around Lloyd without causing any misunderstandings.”
Ian nodded thoughtfully. “In that case, perhaps the best thing to do is nothing at all.”
Chloe’s eyes fluttered in surprise. “Nothing at all?”
“Yes,” Ian confirmed with a serene smile. “Though not ‘nothing’ in the literal sense, but rather, embrace and enjoy the present for what it is.”
“Enjoy it...” Chloe repeated softly, considering his words.
“You see, when we find ourselves adrift on the vast sea of love, we are tempted to grasp tighter at the rudder and oars of reason and pragmatism, thinking they will offer the same control they do on calmer tides. But affection churns the waters more than mortal grit and canniness can conquer; what sailor dares to match the moon’s pull strength for strength? What cause have you to pit yourself against your heart’s own sea? Why not instead believe the current’s course is fair, and set aside your oars? Enjoy your moments with Lloyd. Cherish them for what they are. In my humble opinion, your current turmoil stems from fighting the current, from not fully accepting that your behaviors and feelings are those of a woman deeply in love.”
Chloe nodded along eagerly to Ian’s explanation. “That makes a lot of sense! You sure have a deep understanding of love, Ian.”
Ian responded with a touch of humility. “I am but a modest peddler, parroting the best parts of my own reading. Alas, I only wish I could have applied it more in my own life.”
“Applied it more?”
“Never mind that,” Ian said quickly, brushing aside his personal reflections. “I’m just glad you find my advice helpful.” His smile was enigmatic, carrying layers of unspoken thoughts.
Chloe, encouraged by their conversation, ventured another question. “Can I ask you one more thing?”
“Yes, anything.”
“If I’m...afraid of finding out how Lloyd truly feels, what should I do?”
Ian took a moment to ponder her question. “As in, you’re unsure if Lloyd’s declaration of love was genuine?”
“Yes, exactly! Wow, it’s like you can read minds,” Chloe exclaimed.
Ian chuckled softly. “It’s not mind reading, just book reading. It’s just what you come to realize when you’ve read as many stories as I have. It takes an exceptionally poor author to write a book whose characters do not reflect some facet of our own lives.”
Ian’s words resonated with Chloe deeply. Though she’d barely scratched the surface of the world of literature, she had already begun to see the parallels between the stories she read and the lives of those around her. It must’ve been this very insight that had let Ian pinpoint her concerns so accurately. Once again she found that where her own thinking failed, better counsel was waiting in the written word.
Ian gently steered the conversation back on track. “I believe I have an inkling as to the true source of your worries. It runs in much the same vein as many a fictional ingenue’s inner troubles.”
“Really?” Chloe asked, her curiosity piqued. “What is it?”
Ian offered a knowing smile. “You lack confidence, Miss Chloe.”
Ack. Chloe slumped over, as if Ian’s words were arrows that had found their mark in her heart.
“Oh, dear. Are you all right, Miss Chloe?” Ian asked with concern.
“I’m fine...” she replied, though her voice was strained. She held a hand to her chest, still reeling from the accuracy of his observation. “Is it that obvious?” she asked softly.
“Yes, I’m afraid so. Every word and deed, no matter how arbitrary, is a choice, and every choice is a kind of confession. In all our time knowing each other, Miss Chloe, insecurity has shown through in everything you’ve done and every interaction you’ve had; at times unbearably so.”
“You are...quite right about that,” Chloe admitted, a hint of sadness in her tone.
Chloe’s past left deep scars on her soul that, while not outwardly visible, stood plain to those who knew where to look. The severe mistreatment she had suffered in Shadaf had led her to believe that she was unworthy of love.
“But,” Chloe said, her voice taking on a brighter tone, “I feel like I’ve grown stronger in many ways, even if the root of the hurt still lingers. Do you know some remedy for this? Or must I only be patient?”
Ian pondered Chloe’s situation, stroking his chin thoughtfully. Then, as if struck by a sudden realization, he asked, “Earlier, you mentioned feeling a distance between you and Sir Lloyd?”
“Right,” Chloe replied, her voice tinged with unease. “Ever since that night, he’s been...different.”