I thought that was the end of my little detour from the main story, but afterward I got quite a talking-to from Mr. Bare-Legs.
His lecture was way too serious to call a punchline, more like a bonus chapter you didn’t even want at the end of the book─I mean, being furiously dressed down by a younger guy who looks like an angel, who’s endlessly bright and playful and usually has a cheerful smirk on his face, is fairly demoralizing, even if you’re only a year older.
I still don’t get what flips the serious switch on this kid who’s been kidnapped three times before.
In any case, after spending three hours sitting contritely in front of my house with my legs folded under me getting yelled at, I hardly had the time or energy left to do the homework Sotoin had given us, so I found myself in the awkward position of heading to school the next morning with no plan whatsoever.
The delinquent had left me in the lurch the second we got there, and Mr. Bare-Legs, being in peak physical condition, seemed to be totally fine with pulling all-nighters. Me, though, I’m the kind of person who generally likes to sleep at night.
I was beyond depressed to think that after finally being dismissed from Mr. Bare-Legs’ scolding, I was going to get another lecture the next morning for not doing my homework.
I guess maybe I shouldn’t have responded to Fudatsuki’s invitation after all─though the reality was that I couldn’t very well have turned him down the night before, in which case I should’ve at least put more pressure on him to give me some advice.
If you’re gonna do something, do it right.
Of course, I could easily imagine him casually brushing off my pathetic version of “pressure”… But if I’d kept at him until I at least got a hint, my feet wouldn’t feel so heavy on the way to school this morning.
Wait, he might not have given me a hint, but he did say something. Now what was it?
Oh, right, “What is essential is invisible to the eye”─that quote I bet everyone in the world knows, the one from The Little Prince.
He said it at the casino, too, so maybe it’s his motto?
…Whatever, it didn’t matter.
Even the leader, who gave us this homework assignment in the first place, probably didn’t expect much from the newest member of the club.
“Aha! Young Dojima has arrived! Let’s hear from you immediately! You always seem to bring new insights that we older members are too stuck in our ways to conceive of! Go ahead now, blow that fresh wind of change into the Pretty Boy Detective Club!”
He expected a ton.
When I arrived, all the other members were already gathered in the auditorium, which was otherwise as empty as the huge painting on the wall─was Mr. Bare-Legs still mad at me? His expression as he watched me walk into the room wasn’t exactly how someone looks at a friend.
The delinquent, who knew full well I hadn’t had time to come up with any theories, didn’t seem to be in the mood to cover for me either─while for his part, the child genius may not have even noticed I’d arrived.
Hey, take a little interest!
Can’t you see how desperate I am?
“Well then, since the president has expressed his preference, shall we begin with Ms. Dojima?” said Sakiguchi, who was chairing today’s meeting.
Unlike the previous day, when he’d been brooding over his secret, he was ushering things along at a rapid clip─dammit, we’re feeling better today, aren’t we!
Or maybe the guy with the lolicon had heard about my secret meeting with Fudatsuki and was torturing me for consulting with his sworn enemy.
So spiteful.
I guess he doesn’t just like petite girls, he’s a petty person.
I’d been ready to apologize if I had to, but now I felt more like getting my revenge.
“Very well. Please listen quietly as I share with you the true nature of the kidnapping that occurred seven years ago, a theory founded upon firm evidence and sound logic…” I began, pretending to be calm even as my mental gears spun at full speed─it wasn’t exactly something to be thinking through on the spur of the moment, but how the hell had Ms. Towai managed to switch out those enormous paintings without being seen?
And method aside… I didn’t have a clue why she did it, either. It was only natural that she would’ve been angry about art getting cut from the curriculum, but how would switching paintings help?
It would be one thing if she’d actually kidnapped all the students like the Pied Piper of Hamelin, but…
“Hmm? Whatever is the matter, young Dojima? Your speech stopped just as you were about to reveal the true nature of the situation. Ha ha ha! Never mind being a boy detective, grandstanding like that puts you well into master sleuth territory! Looks to me like you’re after a little friendly competition for the title of Kogoro!”
Um, no.
If anyone’s after anything little, it’s the guy with the lolicon over there.
“Hey, Dojima, that reminds me. You haven’t looked at this monster painting with that famous eyesight of yours yet, have you?”
The delinquent must not have been able to stand watching me flounder like that, because he threw me a lifeline─I bestow my praise on you!
But as with the thirty-three canvases we found in the crawl space, all that happened when I took off my glasses was that I saw through the gigantic painting to what was underneath.
A blank white canvas, and behind that a wall. Nothing more.
Needless to say, the wall didn’t have any hidden messages inscribed on it or anything─it was just a plain old wall, exactly as advertised.
To say I was confronted by a wall also aptly expresses my mental state─Mayumi the Seer’s famous eyesight was useless.
Well, last time it was a bit too useful.
That same eyesight had turned me into a non-functioning human being for ten years─how could I expect it to come in handy every single time I needed something?
“But come now, young Dojima, even grandstanding has its limits! Doesn’t this attempt to monopolize the presentation of beautiful theories violate your personal aesthetic?”
I ain’t got a personal aesthetic.
Stop hounding the one ordinary person in the club!
Even though I’d stubbornly refused to apologize even after a three-hour lecture from Mr. Bare-Legs, I was on the verge of sinking to my knees when─
“Hurry up and tell us, young Dojima!” the leader urged impatiently. “What sort of theory did you and Fudatsuki come up with?”
Hold your horses, I’m─wait, even the leader knew about my secret meeting?
I’d totally assumed Michiru’s report had only gotten as far as Sakiguchi… And apparently I was right, because Sakiguchi looked as surprised as I was.
Which meant that Sotoin had guessed the truth the day before, when I presented my theory─because that presentation was his only possible grounds for such a deduction.
“Mr. President, y-you knew?” the vice president asked.
“Hmm? That young Dojima had negotiated a beautiful reconciliation with our former enemy, you mean?”
The president sounded just as puzzled as the vice president.
“There’s nothing strange about that. You figured it out yourself, didn’t you, Nagahiro?”
Not quite.
Because instead of deductive reasoning, Sakiguchi had used the kiddy phone/dog collar to track my movements. But the leader’s words cleanly swept away my guilt at having called on our rival for help with my detective work. And more importantly, they made me feel like I had his support.
A beautiful reconciliation.
Of course, it wasn’t really anything like that─but I wanted to reward Sotoin for twisting my rogue actions, the rash behavior that even Fudatsuki himself had scolded me for, into something positive.
Precisely because it wasn’t anything like that, that was what I had to make it─I had to make it something beautiful.
Which meant that what they needed from me right now was neither apology nor solicitude.
It was a hypothesis.
A hypothesis worthy of a member of the Pretty Boy Detective Club─worthy of the leader’s expectations.
Be beautiful.
Be a boy.
Be a detective.
And─be a team.
“Um… Does anyone…”
Setting aside my pretensions to a speech worthy of a master detective, I timidly raised my hand.
“…know how to put in contact lenses?”
✦ ✦ ✦
None of the members of the Pretty Boy Detective Club wore contacts, but I suppose these days colored lenses fall within the skillset of a makeup artist, because the child genius volunteered─silently.
He wordlessly acknowledged my presence.
Since I wear glasses to protect my eyes, I’d naturally never put in contact lenses, which is why I asked for help─but forget about how it’s done, what we’re really talking about is sticking something directly onto your eyeball, which is probably even scarier when someone else does it.
On the other hand, I felt fairly comfortable putting my fate in the child genius’s hands, considering he’d already done what he pleased with my nearly naked body the first time he dressed me up as a boy─of course, these were no ordinary contact lenses he was putting in.
These had been left behind by our sworn enemy, with whom I had forged a beautiful reconciliation the night before─custom-made military-grade contacts that artificially endowed their wearer with the ability to “see” invisible clothing.
By no means did I have a specific idea in mind.
No particular prospects, and no notion of the results I might get─if anyone had an idea, it was Fudatsuki.
When I brought up a hypothetical mass kidnapping that had taken place seven years ago, he had offered no advice. I figured that since he had accomplished his professional goal of meeting with me, he wasn’t about to give me any more freebies like I’d gotten the previous night.
But what if he had?
Obliquely.
Or, blatantly.
The top dog of Kamikazari Middle School had boasted about putting me to better use than the Pretty Boy Detective Club did, so if he were to give me a helping hand─what form would it take?
The form of a “forgotten” item.
Maybe even the form of a pair of contact lenses─which is why.
After layering the extraordinary contacts over my own exceptional eyes, I looked again at the enormous painting of the empty auditorium.
And then.
I saw right through─to what had really happened.