He glanced at the LCD and said plainly, “Sorry, gotta go make a call.”
“Another girl? If you don’t cool it you’re gonna get burned someday,” I sighed wearily.
“It’s fine, I’m playin’ my cards right,” he said, before leaving our row and disappearing into the crowd. Truthfully, I already knew this. Some days he received countless calls and texts from his rude ex-girlfriends, and even when he didn’t, he was still ruthless in his dealings with the fairer sex. I once had the terrifying experience of seeing him thrust a girl’s love letter back at her one morning at school, telling her, “No thanks, I’m good.” He wore the same expression as when he was taking out the trash.
Girl after girl from various schools, wearing all sorts of uniforms, sought out my brother to confess their love to him. And then they went straight back home.
When I asked what he meant by, “No thanks, I’m good,” he explained calmly, with a stony expression, “It means that I’m already fully satisfied right now.”
“Playing his cards right?” I wondered aloud. “Ew. I wouldn’t want to catch Kanba’s filthy playboy germs.”
Himari did not respond, or at least, she did not turn around. She seemed to be staring at something beyond the penguins in front of her.
“That penguin over there…” she said softly, pointing her finger.
“Huh? Which one?” I followed her gaze carefully, but only saw identical and indistinguishable penguins, shuffling on the rocks and darting through the water. I glanced back at her profile.
“Which one do you mean?”
“Honey, no running, you’re going to hurt someone,” came a voice, in the sweet but grave tone that mothers were so adept at. Even if you have no intention of listening, a voice like that always catches your attention.
A little boy wearing a hat with a penguin design came running up just beside us, stopping just before colliding with me. “Mama! There’s a lot of penguins here!” he squealed.
“Goodness! Keep your voice down.” The smile on the mother’s face belied her stern words.
The boy’s father caught up with them, watching over his wife and son. “You’ll make all the penguins run away. Look,” he said, gently lifting up the boy. He showed him the rockface in the enclosure from up on his shoulders. “Hello, Penguin-san.”
The boy smiled, bursting with joy, clinging onto his father’s sturdy arms.
“Someone’s having fun.” The mother’s smile grew.
It was a perfect, just-right morning. The smell of hot miso soup wafting from the kitchen. A smiling family. A clear autumn sky. An outing, just like the old days. From the outside, nothing had changed. But really, everything had.
What expression was I wearing just then? Whatever it was, I knew I couldn’t let Himari see it.
“Want to go pick out some souvenirs, Himari?” I asked cheerfully. “I’ll buy you whatever you like today, my treat. How’s that sound?”
“Really? Of course! This is Himari Day, after all,” she said, beaming.
“And Kanba’s taking a phone call over there anyway, so let’s go.”
I just wanted to get out of there. It wasn’t that I hated the penguins, of course, nor did I hate the family standing next to us. Still, I had to get away. I was always felt wretched when I encountered children, useless and awkward even if I looked outwardly calm. Just seeing that thirty-second interaction made my heart twinge painfully. My sadness was so heavy it was painful to breathe, as if my lungs were being crushed. I know that Himari or Kanba would have been able to handle themselves. They would think nothing of standing there and smiling calmly. But I couldn’t pretend that nothing was wrong.
Seeing Himari’s slender back before me, I had no idea if I could protect her all alone. I was startled at how thin my own shadow was, stretching across the floor, so much smaller than life.
But I couldn’t say such things, so I kept silent.
The walls and shelves of the aquarium gift shop were a uniform ocean blue. Himari looked around triumphantly at all of the toys and plushies of sea-dwelling critters.
“What’s your favorite sea creature, Sho-chan?” she asked me as she carefully examined each of the stuffed animals, innocently stating her impressions of them. “This one’s cute! The nose on this one looks too big, doesn’t it? Didn’t we see one of these today?”
“Hmm, let me think,” I said, suddenly thinking of salmon and flounder—fish I liked to eat. “Uhm…” Scallops were going to be in season soon, and extra tasty. Squid and herring and urchin were expensive and hard to get, but I had seen them down in one of the tanks.
“Do you hate fish?”
Suddenly, I noticed Himari looking up at me, her dissatisfaction plain.
“No, that’s not it. Look, I was just thinking, like, the penguins were really cute, but there were lots of other ones, too.”
She smiled, with a “hmm,” and headed for a different corner of the store. I felt more like a glutton now than a house husband.
“What’s your favorite sea creature then, Himari?”
“Hmm, all of them,” she said with a grin. I could only smile back at this unexpected reply. Of course, that was just like her.
“Wow, this one is awesome! It’s just like the real thing!” she said, cuddling a large plush otter. “It’s so soft.” I could practically hear the heart emoji floating at the end of the words.
“Whoa, it really is.” I let out a cry of surprise when I glimpsed the price tag. It was expensive. I hadn’t expected that, either. But I already told her that I would buy her whatever she wanted.
“Oh, but…” she said, placing the expensive otter back on the shelf. Oh, good. “If I need an otter, I’ve already got Kan-chan, so never mind. I’ll have him do his impression at home.”
“I wonder if you can still get him to do that,” I said, but I would graciously concede if she gave up the plush otter thanks to Kanba. There was no choice but for him to become a sacrificial lamb to save us the expense.
“He’ll do it. Today is ‘Himari Day,’ isn’t it? He’s my otter, and you’re my seahorse,” she tacked on, triumphantly.
“Huh? I have to do it too?” I had no idea what a seahorse impression looked like. Apparently, it was something I had done in the past, but I had no memory of it. How was I supposed to impersonate a creature with no distinctive movements or expressions, like an otter had? I wished I could ask my past self, A seahorse impression? Really?
“Yep. Because today…” Himari grabbed a hat with a penguin design from a nearby shelf and placed it atop her head, puffing out her chest lightly. “…I’m the queen!”
At once my eyes began to sparkle. “Himari, that’s perfect! That’s disgustingly cute!”
“Right?” said our queen, giving a little spin. I was no match for her precious, cheerful face. My present to her would be that hat, and that was final.
This couldn’t be bad at all, I thought, watching as the shop clerk carefully wrapped the hat up in bright gift wrapping paper. I was here and Kanba was here and Himari was here, the three of us together. This was a wonderful thing, wasn’t it?
“What color ribbon would you like?” the clerk asked, showing me color samples for the ribbons. My gaze went immediately to the red and the pink ribbons, but I unhesitatingly replied, “The pink one, please.”
“Yo, I was lookin’ for you two.” A hand clapped me on the shoulder, and I turned to see Kanba standing there, scowling.
“Yeah, we were looking for you, too. You got that call and vanished off to somewhere,” I protested. I took the paper bag that the kind shop clerk handed me with a grateful nod.
“So, where’s Himari?” Kanba asked.
“Hm? Right over there, isn’t she?” I cast my eyes around the crowded gift shop, but there was no sign of her.
“Idiot, you were supposed to be keeping an eye on her.” Kanba’s face twisted.
“She was with me this whole time,” I said.
Just then, a terrible voice rang in our ears.
“Hey, someone call an ambulance! Some girl just collapsed in the plaza!”
“No way.” My blood ran cold. “It can’t be.”