“I’m going to go ask the lifeguard one more time if they’ve seen any lost children. While I’m gone, I want you and Kanba to help your father look for her, okay?” Restlessly, my mother took the pail and shovel from my hands. “But don’t go too far.”
“It’ll be all right. We’ll find her in no time,” my father replied with a confident smile. He was always like that—could always find the words to convince you of his beliefs. Be it windy nights, snowy nights, or nights when we were sick or hungry, he would tell us it would be all right, and sure enough, it was. Even if it actually wasn’t all right, it was to us.
“Let’s go, Shoma,” a young Kanba declared, tugging on my sleeve with a determined look in his eyes. And so the two of us ran aimlessly around the beach.
“Watch your step! Don’t trip!” our father shouted after us, making my back twinge.
“I wonder where she slipped off to, anyways. Little twerp.” For as long as I’d known him, Kanba always liked to act like he was so much older than us. “Let’s search that rocky place.”
It was still early into summer, and on the coast, the wind at sunset was colder than you’d think. The brim of my straw hat flapped in the breeze.
“Himariiii! HIMARIIII!”
Out here, no one else was nearby. Meanwhile, the sun slowly sank beneath the horizon, melting into the sky. Inside the rock cave was a bunch of barnacles and bugs I’d never seen before; we searched all around, but there was no sign of Himari anywhere. Ahead of us, the beach seemed to stretch on endlessly.
“Did you find her?” my father asked as he walked up to us.
He put a hand on my hat—a big, strong hand. When I grew up, I was sure I was going to have hands just like his. But in actuality, my hands turned out a lot smaller and nowhere near as burly. No idea if that was a good or bad thing.
“Knowing her, she probably got lost while looking for seashells,” my father sighed. “Surely she couldn’t have gone very far.”
“Did you find her?” my mother called from a distance as she jogged up. “The lifeguard hasn’t seen her, but he said he’d help look.”
“Dad, we’re gonna go check over there now,” Kanba declared, shooting me a look.
“Okay then, I’ll check the opposite side. But be careful, you two.”
Our father always let us have our independence as much as possible, as long as it wasn’t too dangerous. That was probably the reason why Kanba grew up to be such a reckless hothead. Likewise, I used to be the same as him, but that was before years of looking after him and Himari turned me into a worrywart.
“Shoma, are you all right?” my mother asked, stooping down to smile at me. “Are you feeling worn out? Want to sit and wait with me?”
“Shoma, get over here!” Kanba turned away and ran off across the tangerine sand.
We were all so different, with completely different patterns of thought and behavior. But that didn’t matter because we were a family. At the end of the day, I could rest assured that we’d all meet up and take the same train home…though looking back, I’m not sure how I was so sure of that.
“Sho-chan!”
As I was reliving this distant memory, immersed in a time long since passed, I heard a familiar voice.
“Himari? Is that you?” I answered in my mind.
I looked over at my parents talking to the lifeguard in the distance, then turned and started walking in Kanba’s direction.
“Yup, it’s me. Say, Sho-chan, do you remember the day we went digging for clams?”
“Yeah. It was the first trip we ever took as a family. I remember it all really clearly… Man, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen the ocean. Too long.” Breathing heavily, I moved my boot-clad legs as fast as they would go, chasing after Kanba.
“I was so excited, I accidentally got lost. See, I found these really pretty shells with rainbow colors on the back.”
For as long as I’d known her, Himari loved all things small, cute, or pretty.
“Yeah, I remember. When we finally found you, your little pail was packed full of them,” I snickered. “And Kanba was like, ‘You know you can’t eat those, right?’”
“I was so scared. It felt like everyone else in the world had vanished, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to survive. But then you found me.”
“Yep. Kanba and me tore the whole beach upside-down looking for you. And as soon as you saw us, you burst into tears.”
Come to think of it, that was perhaps the first time Himari ever let her guard down around us.
“I did, didn’t I? That was the moment I realized I mattered enough for someone to look for me. They were happy tears.”
Chest aching, I finally caught up to Kanba, who was busy searching for Himari in a different rock cave. I took it upon myself to search the surrounding area. But the more I walked, the more I worked up a sweat. Oh, how I wished I could strip off my shirt and my stupid hat.
“No matter how far I wandered, I knew you and Kan-chan would always find me. And it meant a lot to know that someone was willing to look.” I could tell from her voice that she was smiling. “I loved every minute of my life with you two. Thank you so much.”
“What are you talking about? It’s not over yet!”
The simple act of saying it out loud made me sad. How could I possibly stop it from ending? She was going to die tonight or tomorrow. I had no way to overturn that fate.
“Yeah, you’re right. We’ll always be together…which means it’s our turn to go and find Kan-chan.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s lost, just like I was.”
I watched little Kanba climb up on the rock and shout for Himari while scanning the area.
“But…it’s too late now…”