For the first time, Himari discovered her stubborn side. All her life, she had never really put up a fight, choosing instead to let things go without making waves. But now, for the first time, she was being selfish. Extremely selfish.
With a conflicted sigh, Kanba slowly and calmly pulled her arms away. But she only clung tighter, hanging from his neck with her full weight. In the end, he was forced to drag her with him to the front door. Powerless to hold him back, she staggered along behind him on her tiptoes, quickly growing out of breath. Then, after he opened the door, he extricated himself one last time, grabbing her by the arms this time.
“You are my everything. If you die, then the whole world is dead to me, too.”
“Kan-chan!”
Himari inhaled sharply, her face contorted in fear. He pulled away from her, then walked out of the house without looking back. Left alone, she slumped to the floor, biting her lip as she struggled to catch her breath.
At the rate he was headed, Kanba would soon be too far gone to save. He was slowly retreating further and further into some scary place beyond the reach of his siblings. But there was still a way. Himari could still make a sacrifice for him, just as he had once done for her.
For the first time in her life, Himari entered the Sunshiny International Aquarium all by herself. She bought a ticket for one, then walked to the penguin enclosure.
If she could have rewritten her fate, perhaps she could have stopped Kanba from throwing his entire life away in the service of his family. Even if that was the destiny he chose for himself, maybe she could have chosen her own destiny. In her view, she was a weakling who relied on the kindness of others just to stay alive, so she didn’t have the right to complain about what fate chose for her. But now she didn’t really have a choice.
Like Masako said, Himari was acting incredibly entitled. Family or not, she couldn’t rob Kanba of his life. Right now, Masako was taking action to save him; as for Himari, it was time she repaid them both.
“Look! Penguins!” a little girl shouted, dashing past.
“Settle down! No running!” her mother shouted, chasing after her.
Shoma and Kanba were acting strangely ever since their most recent trip to the aquarium. Kanba in particular seemed noticeably different. Since Himari was constantly in and out of the hospital, she just assumed they were walking on eggshells around her, but there were other changes, too. Like the delivery of the penguins, one of which now stood at her feet. Or the days when the boys would skip school or come home really late with no explanation. Perhaps if she’d kept her eyes peeled, she would have noticed even more oddities. Maybe then she could have prevented all this.
Now that she knew the truth, she was terrified of destroying those happy days. She never once imagined that hiding her true feelings would make everything worse.
“But that’s my punishment,” she muttered to herself as she approached the penguin enclosure. Her bare hands, unprotected by her white coat, were already flushed pink from the cold. The penguins didn’t seem to mind the chill, however; they raced around in the water and gathered in tight groups on land, flapping their flippers.
She was being honest when she told Kanba she wasn’t scared anymore. No matter what truth was waiting for her, even if she lost her life, there was nothing to fear. Her heart was chock-full of the precious memories Kanba and Shoma gave her. Thanks to them, every day felt like Christmas Eve in that she was always eager for the day that came next.
But from now on, she was going it alone. She needed to accomplish this goal with her own two hands. She was certain there had to be a God out there listening—and if not, she would just have to make one herself. She closed her eyes and clasped her hands together.
“Dear Lord, please return everything I stole from Kan-chan while pretending not to notice. Please help him. I’ll give everything back—even my life.”
As she spoke, a warm light shone out from between her fingers. This attracted the penguins’ attention like a magnet, and they all wandered over to the edge of the enclosure, gazing at her.
“Take me back to that special day.”
The warm light glinted off of her white coat, lighting up the vicinity so bright, she could no longer make out the penguins or the rest of the aquarium. Tears fell from her eyes, landing on Penguin No. 3, who collapsed on the spot. And when the light became so bright that she could no longer see herself, she quietly passed out.
God, if you’re out there, please help him. I promise I’ll never come back here again.
“Himari! Wake up, Himari!”
It was Christmas morning. Young Shoma shook Himari by the shoulders as she lay curled up under the toasty warm blanket. He was still in his pajamas, holding a neatly wrapped present that was left beside his pillow.
“Santa came to our house?” Rubbing her eyes, Himari rolled over and looked up.
“There’s one for each of us,” said Kanba as he carried hers over to her. “See? It says ‘For Himari-chan’ right there.”
Back then, Himari didn’t have her own bed yet. What would later become her private bedroom was currently the kids’ room, where all three of them slept in futons. There was a small Christmas tree in the corner of the living room that she dearly enjoyed decorating with her brothers, using sparkly silver pipe cleaners, ribbons Chiemi saved from past gifts, little origami crafts in a rainbow of colors, and even a slightly warped papier mâché snowman.
“I can’t believe it!” Himari sat upright, paying no mind to the chill as her little limbs left the safety of the blanket. Then she buried her face in her hands and giggled.
She never gave much thought to the concept of Santa Claus, but she loved the Christmas storybooks Chiemi would read to her, and when Kenzan told her that Santa would bring gifts to all the good boys and girls, she spent the entire month of December fiercely determined to be the best little girl she could be.
“I’m happy for you, Himari. See? I told you he could still get in without a chimney.” A very bedheaded Kanba thrust out his chest proudly. He held Himari’s gift in one hand and his own, much smaller gift in the other.