Chapter 14

“Well, we got into this mess because you spent our budget on barbecue.” “Urgh!” She went silent at Iska’s rebuttal. It looked like she had resigned herself to her fate. The petite, baby-faced commander let out a huge sigh. “Th-this is art. I’m doing art… I-it’s not embarrassing at all…” “This is it! This was the ideal body of a young lady that I was searching for! My creative juices are overflowing!” Daiban shouted in delight. He was sketching intensely on canvas to get Mismis’s form down before he started sculpting. However… Iska and Jhin found his drawing just as inscrutable as his earlier works. “Oh. The boss has got five eyes in this.” “Is that a thorn poking out between her breasts? Maybe they’re antennae?” “I haven’t got any of those!” As the drawing solidified, it turned into something from a nightmare—the kind of stuff that would make little kids cry. …Or it seemed like it should have. “Oh, shoot!” “What’s wrong, Master?” Daiban stopped sketching. Deep wrinkles lined his forehead as he compared Mismis to her drawing over and over again. “Hmm… Something’s not quite right. There’s no wisdom in her.” “You’ve got that right, old man. Looks like you actually do have good judgment.” “Whose side are you on, Jhin?!” “It feels like… No, it’s too soon. I shouldn’t settle so early into the process…” Daiban staggered away, leaving the Production Room with the help of his apprentice. “Gor, I’m going to meditate and rest for a while.” “Yes, sir. As for you all…” Gorie gestured around the messy room. “Could you clean here, too?” The place was filled with the remnants of failed paintings, torn sketches, and even scraps of fabric covered in pigments. “As I’ve explained, the master has established that all works other than his finished pieces are to be wiped out of existence with fire. Please use this stove to burn them all up.” “A-all right!” After waiting for Mismis to get dressed, the three of them got to work cleaning. It was a lot easier than the shredder and the musical scores. All they had to do was stick everything in the stove and burn it away. “Hey, Iska,” Mismis said. “This stove sure is big.” “I think it’s specially made for ceramics firing. Master Daiban is famous for those, too.” They could throw the human-size statues and canvases straight in. “Boss, that huge thing against the wall looks like it’s the largest piece.” “It’s so big! I couldn’t carry that on my own. Iska, Jhin, give me a hand.” It was a wooden carving about two yards in length. In any case, it was gigantic, and they also had no idea what it was meant to represent. Maybe it was some kind of animal? There was a single tentacle coming out of the statue that left quite an impression. “Jhin, do you think this is an animal?” “How should I know? It’s probably like that jellyfish-dog thing. I think he just accidentally added a tentacle when he didn’t mean to.” “Oh, I guess you’re right.” The three of them worked together to hurl the carving into the stove. “Urgh… There’s another one of these things.” “How many times does he have to make the same mistake before he’s satisfied?” They also threw the second one into the stove. With that, they’d cleaned out the biggest failed pieces of art. Now they just needed to get rid of the scraps of paper and discarded clay. “Okay! Let’s light it up!” The flames in the stove flared. Just then, Daiban and his apprentice came back. “Oh, looks like you did a good job cleaning up. Yup, a clean slate means a fresh start. I’m sure the master will really be back at it soon.” “…Hm?” “Master?” “I have a question, you all.” Daiban turned to Iska and company, pointing at a section of the room. “I had two giant sculptures right over there. Do you remember them?” “Yeah, I do!” Mismis raised her hand heartily. “We found them while cleaning, so—” “Ah, so you moved them,” Daiban said. “We burned them!” Mismis continued. Crack. At that moment, they could practically hear Daiban and his apprentice’s expressions freeze and fissure. “……What did you just say?” “Yeah, we made sure to burn them while we were cleaning. They were the biggest pieces, so it was such a hassle moving them. Right, Jhin?” “Yeah, those cursed sculptures were real heavy. Right, Iska?” “It was so hard getting them into the stove.” The three of them were still oblivious. The world-renowned artist was quivering, and his apprentice was turning paler by the second. “…” “What’s wrong, old man? Are you scared that the room’s so clean now?” The living treasure of the Empire faltered. “Th-those were the works of my soul… A princess from a faraway country commissioned them… They were my magnum opuses…!” “What?” What had the man said? His magnum opuses? “What? Wait, you don’t mean…?” “Surely you’re joking, right, Master Daiban? They were so creepy…” “They were huge, frightening, and they even had tentacles coming out of them.” The three of them were talking quickly. “Those two pieces were called the One-Winged Divine Birds. I was planning to announce them as some of my greatest works…” He staggered over to the raging stove. There, he stared at the bright red flames. “Those weren’t tentacles. They were wings.” “Those carvings were birds?” “But they each only had one wing.” “Yes, that’s just weird, old man. Birds and planes need two wings to fly.” Unit 907 tried to reason with him. The artist only nodded silently. “Yes, that’s why they came as a pair. The two of them together formed a single whole. The idea was that they would use their pair of shared wings to fly.” “……” “They would help each other aim for the skies. Yes, those pieces were meant to represent the human way of life. They were statues of birds, yes, but they were also supposed to show how humans are incomplete but strive to live anyway!” Oh, this is bad. Iska, Jhin, and Mismis came to the same realization simultaneously. Even though the sculptures had seemed cursed and looked nothing like birds to them before, they could now picture the idealized beauty the old man was trying to describe. They couldn’t make excuses now. “And you…you…” “W-wait, Master Daiban!” They were too late. They couldn’t think of anything to say before he shouted, “Open the curtains!” Suddenly, Daiban produced chisels from out of nowhere. He thrust out their tips, which were sharp as knives. “My soul’s magnum opus has been stolen from me. This is the name of my revenge as an artist—Ceremony, the Beautiful Theater. And now the curtains on the act rise!” “This can’t be happening?!” “W-wait a second!” “How were we supposed to know that was your magnum opus?” Neither Iska nor Jhin nor Mismis had noticed that Gorie had already slipped away while no one was looking. “And for the finale, I’m going to carve patterns into you all using my chisels!” The old man leaped up. He seemed to soar into the air, as though the spirits of the divine birds that had gone up in flames had taken possession of him. “Get ready for what’s coming!” “Ahhhh?!” “Oh no! This is even worse than what happened with the sheet music!” “R-retreat!” They started to run for it. But this was Daiban’s fortress. No matter where they ran at full speed, Daiban would be one step ahead of them, blocking their path. “I’m not letting you escape!” He ran after them with a chisel in each hand. “I’ll turn you all into living pieces of art!” “No way!” Unit 907 ran all over the workshop. “Huh?” “Does something smell like it’s burning?” “Is that the scent of gunpowder…?” The three of them stopped running once they came back to the Production Room again. The giant stove was blazing. Even though it was supposed to be heat-resistant, the entire device was engulfed in flames. “What’s going on?!” “Shoot! It’s over capacity!” Iska felt anxious. “It’s because we put in those two birds, or whatever they were. They were too big…and now the stove’s going to explode, Commander!” “So they were cursed in the end!” However… A certain artist barred their escape, a chisel in each hand. “Ha-ha-ha-ha! I’ve finally cornered you!” “He’s here!” “W-wait, Master Daiban! Behind you! Your Production Room is on fire!” “Your whole workshop will burn down!” “A fire? Hmph, I won’t fall for your bluffs. You want me to turn around so you can run.” The whole room was ablaze. But Daiban laughed their warning off, not believing what was happening behind him. “You think I’m scared of a little fire? Fools! That’ll never work on me!” The blood drained from Unit 907’s faces. Not because of Daiban. The flames had just reached the many, many Statues of Despair in the room, which were filled with gunpowder. “Like I just said—” “Old man, those statues are going to explode behind you.” “I don’t wanna die!” “Ridiculous!” Daiban laughed off their cries, flinging out both of his arms and staring up at the ceiling. “You think it’ll burn down? Ha-ha. I’ll tell you something. Just as the arts will last forever, so, too, will my workshop— Hm?” The embers had started to land on his head. The Production Room had burned down, and the flames were starting to move into the hallway right behind Daiban. “What’s this?” He looked up at the embers and finally turned around. “A fire?!” “We told you!” “Didn’t we just say that?!” “It’s too late! We can’t extinguish it now!” Three minutes passed. As for the Daiban Atelier… It let off a beautiful flash of light before it exploded to smithereens. The next day. In a room in the Nebulis Sovereignty, far, far away from the Empire. “There was a giant explosion in the Imperial capital?” Alice said as she read a periodical. She was a princess with brilliant golden hair and a lovely face, but the Empire feared her as the Ice Calamity Witch. Despite the tension between the Sovereignty and the Empire, she and Iska were secret rivals. “And the explosion occurred at Daiban Atelier?! This is a huge deal!” Daiban was the Artist of Fire. The Empire was technically an enemy, but Alice was a fan of Daiban’s work. When he had gone on a trip around the world once, she’d spent three days and nights chasing after him to commission a piece. “I hope he’s all right. I hope the sculpture is, too…” The work she’d commissioned was called One-Winged Divine Birds. I’d like beautiful birds. That had been Alice’s request for the two-sculpture piece. She had even gotten word that he was almost done with them. “No, I must have faith in him!” She stood up in her living room. “I’m sure he and the sculptures are fine. Yes, what I need to do now is figure out where to put them.” The palace courtyard would probably be perfect. Then she could enjoy gazing at the sculptures with her vassals. “…Oh. And with Iska, too!” She wanted to send him a picture of them. She was sure he would be shocked to see them, considering he also appreciated the fine arts. “Hee-hee. I hope you’ll be surprised, Iska. Soon I’ll be able to show you the legendary Master Daiban’s work in person!” As she took up a vitalizing spot by the window, Alice looked in the direction of the Imperial territory with full confidence. Meanwhile, at the same time… “It burned down…” “That was a pretty big explosion…” “We’re covered in soot…” Iska and the others were at the former site of Daiban Atelier. They all stared at the estate, which had been rendered to ash, in bewilderment. On the other hand… “Sir, you look refreshed.” “Oh, my top apprentice. Now that I think about it, this is a great opportunity. I’m going to construct the new workshop I’ve come up with!” said the Artist of Fire, Daiban. Days later, the world was moved when he broke the news that he would be constructing the New Daiban Atelier, which would be the largest art workshop in the Imperial capital. “Stop staring, you three! Help me clean, why don’t you?” “Y-yes, sir!” To make it up to Daiban for burning his art, Unit 907 had volunteered to help clean up. Without pay, of course. “Waaaah! But since we worked for free, our budget is just the same as before!” “Well, the whole problem started with your barbecue bill, Commander.” “Guess our only option is to find a slightly better job next time,” Jhin said. And as for their next job… It would also end in catastrophe, but that’s a story for another time.