A few days ago, our graduation ceremony was postponed.
I only found out the day of the ceremony, and I hadn’t been happy about it at all. But neither I nor any of the other graduating seniors were surprised. At least, none of the students or their parents said anything, I think. Of course, somebody might have complained privately. And honestly, if they’d gone ahead with the ceremony anyway despite what was going on, I probably would have wondered if the school had gone insane.
The school never really announced the reason for the postponement, but we all knew. I went to Seimei High. We were on the same grounds as Seimei University, where a famous professor had been killed last month. His killer still hadn’t been caught. And then there was the suicide of 256 people in Kichijoji’s famous Inokashira Lake. After those two incidents, there was no way the school would hold a graduation ceremony.
It was still morning, but the atmosphere in class 3-A was relaxed.
“...Hey, what are we gonna do after this?”
“There’s time. Let’s go somewhere.”
“I can’t. My parents say I’m absolutely not allowed to stop anywhere.”
“Gotcha. Yeah, it’s been dangerous lately.”
“They’re too worried. It’s seriously annoying.”
I could hear my classmates saying things like that around me. It was a Saturday, but there was a meeting to explain the graduation postponement, and we third-years had all been forced to come to school.
We were told that it was postponed, not canceled, but they were still working on the date. Of course, I thought that if that were the case, they could’ve just waited to hold the meeting until they had picked a new date, but after that we were all sent to homeroom, which was quickly over.
Since school ended at a weird time, a lot of my classmates were talking about afternoon plans. Those kids who had plans or who hadn’t finished their college exams yet left immediately after homeroom. I should have done the same thing, but during the long explanation at the meeting, I started to feel a little sick. I’d decided to rest a little until I felt better, and missed my chance.
I took a quick glance out the window. It was Saturday, so the first- and second-year students weren’t here. The schoolyard was empty, and there was nobody out at the stadium, either. It felt kinda weird. A month ago, I never would have imagined putting on my uniform and coming to school at this time.
March was a busy time for third-year students. For those who had already decided their post-graduation plans, it was the time to prepare for a new life. Some of those people were leaving home and going all alone to a place they’d never been. But there were also people who hadn’t finished their exams. There were even some people who hadn’t passed their tests or found a job and were too stunned to do anything.
What about me?
Where did I—Asuna Kizaki—fall among those people?
“Hey, did you hear? Some of our school’s students were on the list of Inokashira suicides.”
“Seriously? Who? Someone in our grade?”
“A boy in second year. He hadn’t been to school in a long time.”
“You sure he isn’t just absent?”
“The rumor says that nobody’s seen him since the day it happened.”
“Sure it was a boy in second year? I heard it was a girl in first year.”
“First year? You know her name?”
“Um... You know, the girl who was doing fortune-telling on Nico?”
“Huh? Seriously? I’ve seen her! You’re kidding me!”
Several boys were talking loudly in the seats behind me.
The group suicides...
It was definitely a sensational event.
There had been days of reporting on it, but there were still many mysteries. It was the perfect topic for rumors. Especially since it had happened right next to our school. I’d deliberately avoided hearing anything about the incident, so I didn’t know the details, just that 256 people had killed themselves in a single night.
I should just stop getting involved in this stuff.
When I left America and moved to Japan a year or so ago, that had been my decision. I wanted as peaceful a life as I could get, a quiet one where I didn’t make any waves. Otherwise, I’d just shorten my own lifespan.
“Don’t try to turn off your ears. Turn off your mind. Just ignore them.”
I remembered the words of the person who’d taught me that, and blanked out my mind. That helped shut out the conversations around me.
I was feeling a little better, so it was time to go home. I took my phone out from my backpack. I was terrible with smartphones, maybe because I always wore black gloves. Phones always felt like they were going to slip out of my hands. With some difficulty, I was able to turn on the phone’s screen and display the time. There were just a few minutes until noon. I had an appointment at the hospital after this. But first, I needed to get lunch somewhere. I stood up to go.
“Kizaki.” Suddenly I heard my name from behind me and turned around. One of my classmates, a girl with her hair in long braids, was standing there.
What was her name again? How could I not know this when I’d spent a year in the same class as her? When you spend your days doing nothing, it’s easy to forget names. But it would be rude to ask now. Once we graduated, there would be nothing connecting us at all.
“Kizaki, you’re done with exams, right?” The girl with the braids smiled, looking a little embarrassed.
“Yeah, I’m going to Seimei University.”
You could go to Seimei University from Seimei High, of course, but it wasn’t an automatic thing. They took your grades and attendance into account. There was a test, too, but it wasn’t that hard. Until a year ago, I’d lived in America, and I wasn’t used to Japanese tests at all, but I was still able to pass.
“Oh, I thought so.” The girl with the braids was sighing with relief. “Listen, are you busy today? All the girls who are going to Seimei are going to go to karaoke...”
“Karaoke?”
“Yeah. We were hoping you could come, too... How about it?”
She seemed really hopeful. It was the first time in the past year that someone at this school had shown me this much kindness, so I hesitated. But when I saw the three girls who were standing behind her—they were classmates too, but I couldn’t remember their names at all—I instantly understood what was going on. They were all staring at me, not bothering to hide their irritation. They must’ve been the “girls who were going to Seimei.”
I ran my tongue along my lips to wet them, then deliberately dropped my phone, taking care that it didn’t look unnatural.
“Oh!” The girl with the braids look surprised and quickly crouched down to pick it up.
When she was distracted, I took off my gloves. “I’m sorry, I was being careless...”
I apologized and pretended to pick up my phone. When I did, I touched my finger against the back of her hand. Then I closed my eyes.
— Begin the performance.
A blackness spread across my vision. As I dove deeper and deeper into my mind, I began to see a wooden door. I slowly opened it with an invisible hand, only to be confronted with a series of doors in different colors. They spread out endlessly, one after another. All the doors were already open, and I went through one after another like I was going through a series of torii arches on the way to a shrine. Deeper and deeper I went. When I got to the door at the far bottom, a white cat jumped up. Our eyes met, and I peered deep into its eyes.