“And then, um, I’m sorry...”
“Yes, please take care. The Asche family is, I’m sure, also looking forward to your return to the Academy next year.”
I understood the meaning implicit in the offer: I was being told to fulfill my duty. Though inwardly trembling, I managed to reply, “Yes...”
I was then escorted by a knight’s rough hands into a carriage.
After the carriage had traveled a short distance, I spoke up. “Don’t return to the estate. Stop by the church instead.”
“Understood. Another prayer session, I see. You’re quite devout.”
At first, having nothing to do while on leave from the Academy, I’d visited frequently, wanting to repent for my past actions. Now, whenever I felt uneasy, I clung to worship like a lifeline. When calm returned, I’d watch the priests. I knew I was a sinful believer, as I fantasized about fan fiction for my beloved novels about love between men, yet I couldn’t stop.
“We’re here.”
“Thank you. This will take a while, so arrange for the church carriage to pick me up later.”
Glancing sideways at the nodding coachman, I headed to my usual chapel. I sat down on one of the lined-up chairs and clasped my hands toward the goddess statue. As always, I closed my eyes and faded into the background. This way, no one would notice me.
The head of the Asche family hadn’t invited me to his residence solely out of concern for me. He wanted to know about the sacred beast, Drogolena. Since the Faltan family was a branch of the Asche house and received their support, it seemed it was easier for him to ask directly.
Perhaps he’d sensed the sacred beast’s involvement in the recent volcanic eruption.
Because of that infamous villainess, the sacred beast had never openly aided the nation before. He surely wanted to confirm the connection. If the sacred beast had given its protection, it might thaw the long-standing conflict.
But asking someone like me was a mistake.
Because even I felt ashamed when I looked back on my past. I was an arrogant, selfish person. Drogolena had chosen me solely to make me realize that and regret it.
One day, I’d suddenly received divine protection. But that didn’t mean any kind of eye-popping ability had suddenly manifested. It just meant I occasionally saw spirit-like figures straight out of fairy tales, and I could sense it if another person blessed by a sacred beast was nearby. Once it was acknowledged that I’d received divine protection, though, everyone around me fawned over me to an astonishing degree. It was probably because after the death of Princess Beljeanne, famed as a legendary villainess, not a single person in this country had been able to make a contract with a sacred beast. My parents told me that the very fact someone in this country had received divine protection was what really mattered.
Without anyone ever calling me out on my arrogance, I kept acting and speaking as if I were some kind of flawless human being. Back then, I was the very embodiment of the villainous noblewoman from popular novels.
But then, one day, I started hearing that inexplicable scream—the same one I’d told the head of the Asche family about.
At first, it was only at night while I slept. Soon, I heard it even during daytime naps. Gradually, I became constantly wary of my surroundings, feeling irritation not just toward others, but even toward my kind parents.
That’s when it happened. A young lady I thought was a friend...no, someone I looked down on as part of my entourage, hosted a tea party for other children. She merely showed concern for me, as I was the silent one, and spoke to me as the hostess. In my irritation, I’d hurled my emotions—and the glass I held—at her, inflicting a nasty wound on her face.
No one would believe me if I’d said I hadn’t meant to hit her face. The young lady, pushed past her breaking point, asked me if I knew the temperament of those blessed by the sacred beast, Drogolena.
I didn’t know then. I left without apologizing, went home, and asked my parents... Only then did I truly reflect on myself. But it was too late.
From there, it was like tumbling down a slope, days of steadily losing confidence. I stopped leaving my room, partly because that scream became a constant, whether I was sleeping or eating.
I hadn’t seen the young lady I’d injured since then. I sent her a letter, but there was no reply. Not that that was a surprise.
Though my parents never told me anything, both they and Lord Heinz—who I was sure must have argued with them constantly—came to see me whenever they could.
Poor Heinz, who’d ended up engaged to someone like me. My guilt grew heavier in my chest, knowing I forced this engagement on him with my unworthy, selfish whims. Did he actually like me? Impossible.
Even so, I just couldn’t bring myself to tell him I wanted to break off the engagement.
“Good morning, Mira. I’ll be enrolling soon too. Then I’ll walk you all the way into the classroom,” he’d say. Even though Heinz hadn’t enrolled in the Academy yet, he’d kept seeing me off to school, even though I’d enrolled two years before him.
“Just one more year!” became “Just half a year left!” and then finally, “Soon now!”
By that time, Heinz had been striving hard in his studies and swordsmanship, aiming to become the second prince’s guard in the future. Yet he still saw me off every morning. Even on days when I was overcome by exhaustion and couldn’t go to school. That was why, somewhere deep down, I’d hoped he might see me favorably as a woman.
Then he enrolled into Class A. I somehow managed to advance to Class B in my third year.
Ever since entering school, Heinz had escorted me to class every morning, accompanying me all the way to my different-grade classroom. I was grateful and truly delighted. Still clinging to my arrogant ways, I even harbored a faint hope that someday we might become a couple who shared mutual feelings. But...
One day I’d felt unwell in the carriage we shared for the commute, and he took me to the infirmary.
The screams had been especially terrible the night before, and I was sleep-deprived. What did that occasional “mortis” I’d heard mean? Honestly, I still didn’t know. I felt better after I got some sleep in the infirmary, though, so I’d headed to my classroom to join the lesson partway through.
Then, suddenly, sensing movement in an empty classroom, I’d stopped. From inside, I heard my fiancé’s nickname.
“Heinz, I intend to ask His Majesty to replace that incompetent fiancée of mine with the brilliant Lady Sienna. But first, I want to see what your feelings for Sienna were.”
“Th-That... Ha ha! What are you talking about?! Sienna’s like a little sister to me! She’s far more suited to you, Shua, than that incompetent, evil woman! I’m sure Sienna likes you too! I’m rooting for you!”
The influence granted by the sacred beast’s blessing varied from person to person. For my part, I excelled at concealing my presence, and my hearing became particularly acute. Even if I entered someone’s field of vision, as long as I held my breath and remained still, I was rarely detected.
Heinz’s voice was clearly agitated. The other person was Joshua, the second prince.
The Sienna they were discussing was a name Heinz had started mentioning often recently. I recalled she was the younger sister of the second prince’s fiancée, and they were cousins by blood. Unlike the first lady, she was eager to pursue her education and very talented. Plus, Heinz praised her for always standing up for her foster sister even though she bullied her...
Unpleasant sweat trickled down my back. Though I was aware of my heart’s anguish, I couldn’t stop straining to listen.
“Besides, I already have a fiancée. She possesses the blessing of a sacred beast, so I must cherish her. That is also my duty as a lord of the Asche house.”
Must cherish her... Duty...
“But she possesses the blessing of that sacred beast, doesn’t she? Because of her, the young lady in our group suffered an injury to the face, didn’t she? It was only because the royal family sent a mage who healed her without leaving scars that both the other family and the young lady kept quiet, and still avoid any involvement. Yet, to this day, there hasn’t been a proper apology. You know that too, don’t you? You aim to become my personal knight in the future, and yet that would be a scar for you...”
It was the second prince’s words that made me realize it for the first time.
The young lady I’d hurt—she was in Class A1 with Heinz. We were in different grades, and I always kept my head down, hiding my face behind my long bangs. I even walked along the edges of the hallways, so I’d never encountered that young lady before. I’d been mistaken all along.
My chest ached so badly it felt like it would split open, and I didn’t remember anything after that. When I came to, the second prince was gone.
Heinz was still there. I’d hesitated, wondering if I should say something, but in the end, I couldn’t speak.
“Sienna... Your dream of marrying the prince and supporting each other...I’ll protect it for you,” I heard him murmur. “So...please just let me keep my feelings hidden.”
I’d instinctively known that voice was strained with longing, and I collapsed on the spot. All I could do was sob silently.