Chapter 3

“I hope you two get along,” said the gossamery lady. She left with my mother’s arm still around her. “Don’t you think you could stand to gain some weight?” my mother was saying. “I know. Believe me, I’d like to, but I just can’t. Must be my metabolism or something.” “Leave it to me, and I’ll fatten you up like a foie gras goose.” My mother’s cheery voice sounded more distant than usual. You barely even cook for me, I silently protested in my head, but the unspoken words hit an imaginary brick wall. I was on edge, feeling as if an invisible sheet of fabric were dangling right in front of my eyes. I didn’t know what to do with myself. “This can’t be for real… No way…” The news we’d be living together with two other people was so out of the blue, I couldn’t believe it was now my reality. No, maybe I did accept it as reality, but my thoughts were floating somewhere high up near the ceiling, disconnected from the events down below. The whirring of the fan sounded unbearably close. “Thanks for having me,” the petite girl said curtly, stepping into my room. She stopped by the door. I thought she might be my age, or maybe one or two years younger. She looked around, taking stock of my room, and when she was finished, she walked to one corner and sat down there. I followed her with my eyes, but she didn’t spare me a single glance. No one would call me tall, but she was even shorter than me. Her black hair faded to brown at the tips. It was long enough to cover her back, falling down in waves that could have been natural, or maybe not. She didn’t seem to take special care of it, but it wasn’t dull, either. The girl’s eyes looked kind of mean, but I shouldn’t assume she was frowning because she was in a bad mood—it might’ve just been a nearsighted squint. Or perhaps it was just something about her eyebrows, the thickness of her eyelashes, or something. Whatever it was, it created a vaguely hostile impression. Either way, her eyes seemed to naturally drift toward the floor. And while they were murky dark, in their depths was a glimmer of light, like a ray of sunshine penetrating to the bottom of the ocean. The girl took a change of clothes out of her small bag of personal belongings and left the room without looking at me. It was as if a hurricane had found its way into my life just to throw everything into disarray. If this is a dream, I hate it, I thought. A dream this vivid should at least be fun. But if it was reality, that was even worse. Whichever it was, I hated it. My room already smelled a little like someone I didn’t know, and it grated on my nerves. I put my hands on my knees and pondered what to do. I was drawing a blank, though. I thought about complaining to my mother—better late than never—but as I stood up, I heard her loud laughter from the living room. It made the idea seem stupid, so I sat down again. Arguing with her would be pointless anyway. She always won. “What the hell…? I don’t get it. I just don’t.” I had to push my anger out of my mind and focus on what was most important, which was deciding how to respond to all this. I rested my chin in my hand and glared at the wall, tapping my chin with my thumb. I was staring at the same spot so intently, my eyes began to lose focus. I brushed my bangs out of the way with my fingers, wiping sweat off my forehead at the same time. It was excessive, even in this heat. Why were they moving in anyway? Didn’t they have their own place to live? What’d happened to it? Were they having some work done on it? Or was there some other reason they’d had to leave? Maybe they didn’t have a home? Were they homeless? That was a thing, after all. If the woman was a friend of my mother, was she some kind of punk? She didn’t look it, not with her curtain-fluttering-in-the-wind vibe. It was actually the first time my mother had ever brought a friend home. I hadn’t even known she had friends. Nothing wrong with that—she was allowed to—but why on earth would the friend come with her daughter in tow? And the girl would be staying in my room? I looked around. If you were to describe my room in one word, it’d be cramped. Normally, this would just be a storage space. With the futon spread on the floor and my few personal belongings, there was nowhere left for a desk. The room was long enough for me to lie down, but I’d have to bend my knees if I wanted to lie sideways. Who’d thought it’d be a good idea to add a second person? She should be sleeping in the living room, not with me, but I guessed my mother thought we’d be fine since we were about the same age… What could I do anyway? I couldn’t picture myself yelling at the girl to get out. The fact that I’d be sharing my room was finally sinking in, but I still couldn’t think of any plan of action. A while later, the girl returned to my room as if it was already hers. Now that she’d changed into a plain T-shirt and shorts, with a towel wrapped around her hair, she looked totally relaxed. Her eyes darted to me on my futon, and she paused. She took a moment to roughly dry her hair with the towel then plopped down in the same spot as before. She was facing away from me, sitting on her legs. I could see the soles of her small feet. Even her toes were small, which was kind of cute. My gaze slowly lifted from her feet. Her body was strikingly slender and delicate. The girl was naturally pale, but her skin had some color to it after her shower. Her cheeks looked plumped up, softer, with a delicate blush like the subtle glow of a paper lantern that highlighted how pretty she was. Her lips were pretty to begin with, but after the shower, they looked even fuller. For the first time, her youthfulness shone through her gloomy vibe. Each part of her face seemed so polished, but I couldn’t tell if she’d been doing something special or if it was just her natural…radiance? Glow? I didn’t know how to put it. She was beautiful, but not in a showy way. Suddenly, I felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room. I’d been so fixated on the girl, I’d forgotten to breathe. I shook my head, upset with myself. “Mind if I sit in front of the fan for a moment?” she asked, and my butt was halfway off the futon even before my thought process caught up. I was so spaced-out, I wasn’t even sure if I said, “Sure,” or just vaguely nodded. Anyhow, the girl crouched in front of the fan and began drying her hair. Did she not have a hair dryer? If she didn’t have one, she could’ve just asked to borrow mine. What was up with her? I didn’t know what else to do but watch her rub her hair dry with the towel, loose strands swaying from the fan. Observing her from the side, I noticed her breasts were big for someone so slender—not like it mattered. I wasn’t comparing her to anyone. Or to me. Honest. I wondered what she’d do when she finished drying her hair. The answer was to move off the futon to the corner where she had her bag, take out a textbook, and spread it open on the floor. She sat with her back hunched, apparently reading. Just like that, out of the blue, she’d begun to study? I was stunned. Was she a nerd? A weirdo? An airhead? Why was she acting like she was totally at home? Was she used to impromptu room-sharing? Barely five minutes after opening her book, she yawned, muttered, “Meh, enough for today,” put the book away, and curled up on a cotton blanket like an animal. She was just going to sleep on the floor, without a pillow. I was watching her, sitting with my knees drawn up to my chin, frozen. I was still, and she was, too. The stillness was disturbed only by the background noise of muffled voices from the other room. She was seriously going to sleep here? I looked at the ceiling of my small room—and the room was even more cramped now that she was here. At least my roommate, lying sideways in the corner, was small. But that wasn’t much help, was it? I glanced around in desperation but couldn’t think of anything to make this better. I noticed, though, that the lights were unpleasantly bright. I looked up at them, then down at the girl, who was already sound asleep. With a sigh, I hit the switch. It wasn’t for her—I just didn’t feel like being awake anymore that day. I had this sensation like my brain was swaying back and forth, and it wasn’t stopping. In the darkness of the night, the ringing in my ears only grew louder, and my vision became more blurred. I slumped backward onto my futon, which felt like a boat at sea, rocking me. I was still awake, but I was already trapped in a bad dream. There was no storm, and it wasn’t even raining, but storm clouds had gathered above my head. Being thrown into an unexpected situation can be completely disabling. I shut my eyes, fighting the feeling of powerlessness. Before long, I opened my eyes again, unable to fall asleep. My eyes kept darting to the little invader in the corner. She didn’t toss or turn, sleeping calmly as if she didn’t mind me at all. A noise startled me awake. I wrapped the duvet around me like a cloak and shuffled backward. The source of the noise froze, opening her eyes wide. It was the new girl. As my brain slowly processed that fact, I let out my breath. My mind finally made the obvious connection between last evening and the present day. I checked the time, and when I remembered it was a regular weekday, the hour didn’t make sense. I absentmindedly tapped the screen of my phone, waiting for the gears in my head to start turning. “Ah…” I figured it out—I’d forgotten to set the alarm last night. That was why I’d woken up much later than usual. Once that realization sank in, I kicked my duvet away in a panic. I had to wash my face, I didn’t have time to do my hair or put on makeup, and of course, that meant I didn’t have time to make breakfast, either. The threads of my day were already coming loose and slipping through my fingers. It was probably one of the worst mornings in my life. I had to get dressed and try to make it to school on time, at least. I reached for the hanger with my school uniform. “Oh,” the girl said, making me turn. “Oh,” I involuntarily parroted. She was holding a school uniform exactly like mine. She smiled a little when she noticed. “We go to the same school.” “Yeah… Looks like it.” I’d never seen her at school before, though, and it didn’t seem like she knew me, either, judging from the confusion on her face. She started removing her clothes in front of me, completely uninhibited as she changed. Meanwhile, I froze. She took off her shirt, then she took off her shorts. When she bent forward, wearing nothing but her basic-looking underwear, I couldn’t take my eyes off the jiggling mounds on her chest despite myself. Wow! Look at that! No, come on. They’re just another girl’s boobs, that’s all. It wasn’t anything to get excited about, I thought, calming down. But somehow, I was still feeling antsy. The white summer uniform reflected the morning sunshine, making the girl’s fair skin seem even brighter. I looked at the scarf, folded like open butterfly wings; the white sleeves without lines; the little silver school emblem at the breast. It was a familiar sight. I’d worn a shirt like that many times. “You’re not getting dressed?” she asked coolly, and I realized I’d just been standing there like a statue with my clothes in my hands. “I am,” I replied, even though she probably wasn’t listening, as she just picked up her school bag and headed for the door.