Chapter 21

I walked fast, thinking furiously about which one of them I should yell at. My vision was swimming, as if my pupils had literally turned into spirals. Everything around me seemed to bob up and down; it was like they were on waves that hid the two of them every now and again even though they were right in front of me. It wasn’t raining, but I was soaked with sweat. Even after I somehow got out of that hallucination and stepped from the shadows into the red-hot sun, I could still hear the hammering of torrential rain. “Look who’s here! Umi!” Ms. Chiki greeted me with a smile, and I couldn’t sense a hint of guilt. I felt so powerless and frustrated, I wanted to cry. Different emotions were surging inside me all at once, and eventually, I couldn’t hold them in any longer. Teardrops rolled down my cheeks. It was hot out, but the loneliness left me cold. Hoshi opened her eyes wide when she saw me, freezing in shock. Then she wrapped her arms around herself uncomfortably, her eyes swimming nervously. My stomach was like a furnace, as if I could breathe fire. I wanted to grab Hoshi and shake her violently. “Why?” “Why what?” she replied defiantly. My fingers began shaking from the overwhelming resentment rising inside me. “We became friends earlier, remember? We’re just hanging out.” Ms. Chiki turned to Hoshi, waiting for her to say something that’d confirm her story. No, she wasn’t waiting, she was pressuring her. “Yeah,” Hoshi replied without looking at me. “You’re lying.” She couldn’t seriously believe I’d buy that. If it were true, they wouldn’t need to be meeting in secret. And Ms. Chiki had told Hoshi her real name, but she didn’t want me to know it. I screwed up my face, and the tears spilled out of my eyes along a different track. Ms. Chiki let out a little sigh. “You never trusted me, Umi.” “Because you never acted like someone I can trust!” It didn’t matter that we were out in the open; I yelled at her with the full strength of my emotions. Ms. Chiki looked around. Apparently, I hadn’t attracted any onlookers, because she seemed relieved and turned back to me with a smile. “Takasora didn’t tell you we were seeing each other in town? I didn’t know, but I suppose it can be explained.” She was brushing off my accusations like they were stupid. I should’ve put my foot down and keep pressing the two of them, but Ms. Chiki was quick to steer the conversation the way she wanted. “If seeing a friend counts as cheating in your eyes, then what should I say about you living with Takasora? Wouldn’t that be cheating, too?” She was calmly attacking me, looking gorgeous with a menacingly dark expression on her face. The station building behind her cast an ominous shadow. “But I…don’t have anywhere else to live.” “And I don’t have any other friends besides Takasora to hang out with.” She was presenting it as if the two were no different from one another, and she had so much conviction. She was ready to break out the scales and break common sense to prove that me sharing a room with Hoshi and her secret outings with Hoshi somehow had the exact same gravity. “You could’ve asked me to meet you. I’d come any day.” “You’re not a friend to me, Umi. Hanging out with a friend is different from going on a date.” “But what you were doin’ wasn’t just hangin’ out with a friend…” “I was. Takasora is my friend. If we were anything else, do you think I’d be meeting up with her in your town? If I wanted to see her in secret, I’d have invited her somewhere far away.” “But—” “I’m sorry. I didn’t know you expected me to always tell you when I was meeting up with other people. I’ll make sure to do that from now on, if that puts you at ease.” “No, that’s not… Wait… Argh…” Why was she making it sound like my objections were totally insignificant? Like there was no problem? There was absolutely something wrong with this, but I somehow couldn’t point it out. It was driving me nuts, like having an itch somewhere on your head but you can’t scratch it away. Or like seeing the tail of your prey right in front of you, all the time, but never getting close enough to grab it. “It really is a case of the pot calling the kettle black. You two are not only living together, but you even sleep in the same bed, no?” She said it with ease, but the shadow behind her seemed to be growing longer and longer. Every time I tried to make an objection, she turned everything around and put me on the defensive. “Only joking, of course. I know you and Takasora are simply very good friends.” She turned to Hoshi for support again, but Hoshi didn’t say anything. She only shot me a dark, pained look. “You are only friends, aren’t you? Because if I’m under the wrong impression here, I’m afraid I will get very angry with you, Umi.” “W-we are friends…” My neck stiffened in fear as I gazed up at Ms. Chiki. I was seeing her in a different light—as an intimidating adult. “Good. And I am friends with Takasora. Are you going to forbid me from meeting up with friends?” I felt awful. It wasn’t about whether it was right or not for her to see friends. I wanted to scream, but my thoughts were too tangled up, and my voice wouldn’t come out. My lips quivered, and my eyes darted from side to side. “Umi, do you see what I’m saying? Do you disagree with my reasoning? I would love to hear more about your point of view.” Ms. Chiki looked up at the sky, squinting in the sunshine. The play of light and shadow on her face made it even more beautiful. “Where should we have our next girls’ day or night out…?” Just like that, she shut the door on me with that confident voice of hers. I’d achieved nothing. I couldn’t argue with her. That was exactly why I hated stupid people, and myself most of all. I knew Ms. Chiki had done something wrong—that awful feeling was eating me up from the inside—but I couldn’t explain how exactly Ms. Chiki had hurt me. All I could do was cry while Ms. Chiki closed the topic with a smile. The problem wasn’t solved, but I had no idea what to do about it. “There’s really no reason to cry, Umi.” Ms. Chiki put her hands on my shoulders, leaning down to look into my eyes with a reassuring smile, and I started calming down despite myself. It really terrified me that she could do that. It made no sense to be comforted by my probably cheating girlfriend, but I couldn’t even push her away. I just kept crying. “It’s hell,” I overheard Hoshi saying under her breath. But it wasn’t her that broke the impasse. A soft, soothing voice cut through the ferocious summer heat. “There you are, girls!” The woman who came up to us was so delicate, the tiniest gust of wind might have blown her away—she was my mother. “Mom…” “I’m just a friendly neighborhood mom on her way to the supermarket. Hello,” she said in her ethereal way. Her smile was so fragile it made you worry it might break if you looked at it the wrong way. Suddenly, my mom’s eyes widened. She wasn’t looking at me, or at Hoshi. Her full attention was directed at Ms. Chiki, who lifted the hair casting a shadow across her face, and smiled. “Good to see you, Izumi,” Ms. Chiki said. “It was nice talking to you on the phone the other day.” What? My jaw dropped. Had she just called my mom “Izumi”? That was my mom’s name, but I’d never told it to Ms. Chiki. “Oh gosh! It is you, Shiho! All grown up!” My mom pressed her hands together, calling Ms. Chiki by a name I’d never heard before. It was like watching a robot suddenly reboot and start talking. I stood there watching like an outsider while they talked. “It’s been so long. I’m surprised you recognized me.” “But of course! Took me just one glance.” Mom pointed at her eyes, and Ms. Chiki—should I still be calling her that?—responded with a grin. Mom smiled back at her. She seemed unbothered by the way Hoshi and I were staring. “So Clefairy was you. That’s a relief!” “Don’t get too comfortable.” “Need a Moon Stone?” “You haven’t changed at all.” They laughed, and Ms. Chiki’s laughter was pretty as ever. Meanwhile, I was being baked into the asphalt by the sun and sweating out my ability to think. My dehydrated blood was turning sticky. “You know her?” I asked feebly. The wind carried my question like a scrap of paper, rustling like dry yam leaves, to my mom. “Wait, Umi… Have you been crying?” “Don’t worry about it, Mom…” “Ah, well, you can tell me about it later. Shiho, haven’t you told Umi anything?” “Not yet. She never asked.” Ms. Chiki shrugged. I heard amusement in her voice. “Well, I suppose I should introduce you, then!” Mom walked over theatrically to stand beside Ms. Chiki. She was smiling excitedly, while Ms. Chiki grinned like a mischievous kid who’d gotten caught trying to pull a prank. I heard Hoshi gasp. And then my mom told me who Ms. Chiki really was. “This young lady is Shiho Chitaira. As it happens, she’s your older sister, Umi!” “What…?” “Honestly, I’m not quite sure whether to use that family name for her, though.” My mom pointed at Ms. Chiki’s eyes, as if that was supposed to mean something. So I looked, wondering what it was about her eyes. I’d seen them so many times, but maybe for the first time, I looked straight into them without quickly turning my gaze away. Ms. Chiki gazed back at me innocently. Then it hit me. “No…” No. No, no, no! Her eyes were exactly the same color as mine. “Hello, little sis!” she teased, giving me her usual warm smile. My first love was a good person. She was beautiful, smelled like flowers, was smart, kind, caring, calming, big-breasted. She was more beautiful than anyone. And she was my sister.