And so, I told her about who I’d once been. What kind of person I was, and how I ended up here in this world. What kind of emotional baggage I had. What I found unforgivable.
There wasn’t all that much to tell her. While I’d lived thirty-four years of my life in the other world, they were hardly jam-packed with events. My memory of that time had grown dim, and I’d forgotten many of the details.
In exchange for the fading memories of my old life, I told her about my life here. I told her about how much Paul helped me. What feelings I held close to my heart as I interacted with Norn. How I felt about Zenith and Lilia. And how I always felt Aisha was my little sister. Family.
She listened quietly. Occasionally, she would remark or chime in briefly, but for the most part, she simply listened.
In closing, I said: “I ended up living a much happier life here than I ever could have hoped for, compared to the trash person I used to be. I want to treasure this life I have.”
“You really are amazing, Rudeus.”
“I wonder about that.”
“If you killed me right now and I reincarnated, I don’t think I’d be able to try as hard as you did.”
“Well, I’m not going to kill you.”
“I know I wouldn’t have been able to start a family like you did.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. I love Arus, but if we continued to live like this, I don’t think we ever would have become a family.”
What exactly did she mean by that? Arus loved Aisha. He desperately tried to protect her. Was it not the same for her?
“When Arus was born, I was so excited, but I don’t think I was in love with him.”
In turn, Aisha began to tell me about everything that had happened to her since my son’s birth. Aisha had helped deliver Lucie and Lara, my two daughters. “Wow, incredible!” was the extent of what she’d said at the time, but she’d been moved by how amazing the birth of life into this world was.
However, when Arus was born, it was completely different for her. When she held him in her arms, Aisha felt something she didn’t feel when she held Lucie or Lara. And as the newborn Arus began to cry, that new feeling grew deep within her chest. It was something she couldn’t explain with words—both heartrending and vexing at the same time. It continued to linger in her chest even after Eris went to sleep along with Arus.
Aisha crawled into bed, but she lay wide awake. While she was face up in bed, she lifted both hands in the air and recalled the sensation of holding Arus.
The lingering feeling in her hands resembled how she felt when she held Lucie and Lara, but it wasn’t the same. Was it because he was a boy? She didn’t know, but she felt comfortable in that moment. She wanted it to be the next day so she could look after Arus as he cried and yelled. To Aisha, he felt special. She didn’t know how or why, but…
In any case, Aisha changed a little bit after that day. Little by little, she began to slack when it came to the four things that composed her daily routine: working as a maid, doing the things she liked, helping me, and advising the mercenary band. Instead, she looked after Arus.
One could argue that was a part of her duties as a maid, yet Aisha didn’t see it that way. Was it the equivalent of doing what she liked? Not quite. She just wanted to look at Arus. If possible, she wanted to talk to him. All while hoping he’d grow up quickly.
For the first time in her life, Aisha had come to feel that someone was special to her regardless of their abilities. After that, for close to ten years, she enjoyed her life together with Arus.
One day, he suddenly confessed his love for her. At the time, she’d brushed it off calmly, but that wasn’t the sort of thing she could just wave away. Her heart raced loudly, and she felt like she was on the edge of losing her cool.
Eventually, she did. His confession led into the days of her being unable to control herself. Even when she knew it was a bad idea, she continued to sleep with him. Suddenly, she couldn’t control herself at all. Her desires quickly won out over logic. Even as she felt like it couldn’t be helped, she slept with Arus. There was no deliberateness. She just dealt with things as they came.
And then I found her. Them.
At first, she planned to get through the encounter by calling it practice. This feeling of hers was just practice. Neither she nor Arus was serious. This was just a momentary lapse in judgment. That was the best way to avoid anyone getting hurt.
But Sylphie saw through her, and Aisha’s feelings were revealed to everyone, leading her to awkwardly proclaim her love for Arus.
Even at that point, Aisha was naive about the whole situation. She knew I’d get angry but assumed I’d forgive her. I might even allow their relationship to continue.
Sylphie had created the perfect atmosphere for that to happen, but the result didn’t turn out like she’d hoped. I didn’t agree. Instead, I tried to tear them apart with a level of stubbornness that she’d never seen from me. It was a whole version of me that Aisha had never seen. Completely unwilling to compromise. Not a shred of reason. I told her no with a stern voice and look, completely shutting her out.
It was the first time she’d ever seen me so uncompromising, yet she’d seen the expression I had on my face before. She could never forget: Before I went into battle with Orsted, while I was building my magic armor, I’d looked just like that. Deadly serious.
That look terrified Aisha. She sensed that, in this moment, she might have made an enemy of me.
Right, I broke what Rudeus has spent time building, she thought. So, she’d nodded in response to me, even though she still had a tightness in her heart.
Aisha’s plea was rejected at the family meeting, and she was given no chance to make her case. She was ready to give in at that point. Still, she loved Arus and couldn’t stop her feelings. When he showed her kindness that night, she proposed running away with him.
Then, they left home and started living together, and she got pregnant. During those days, time and time again, she felt she’d made a mistake. There was no way they could truly be happy like this; everyone would just be miserable. Yet she’d seen how furious I was and was certain I wouldn’t forgive her, so she couldn’t run home. Even though she knew she was still screwing up, she couldn’t change the past. She couldn’t move forward, nor could she go back. Eventually, she felt like she was about to be crushed under a mountain of anxiety and unease.
Which brought us to the present.
Most of it sounded like a super sweet love story that honestly gave me secondhand embarrassment, but Aisha’s tone was detached. As if she’d given up hope.
I paused to collect my thoughts.
“Can I ask you two questions?” I said eventually.
“Go ahead.”
“Did the Man-God ever reach out to you?”
As I’d listened to her tell her story, this one possibility came to mind: Apparently, a woman’s fate was weaker when she was pregnant, which made it easier for the Man-God to try to interfere. Maybe she’d run off with Arus because the Man-God said something to her… How easy it would’ve been for me if that was the case. It was all his fault! Let’s go home! I’d be able to say something along those lines.
“No, he didn’t. This was all me,” she said flatly.
“I see…”
I’d figured as much. I’d spent who knew how many years telling everyone in my family not to listen to the Man-God, though given her state of mind when she ran off, I didn’t think she could’ve resisted him if he’d approached her.
“What’s the other question?” she asked.
“You didn’t use protection?”
“Distribution channels on those things you invented are really limited, so you would’ve been able to trace them back to us.”
“Yeah, right.”
I always had a box at home. Having them so easily available made me forget just how hard it was to get your hands on them.
“Can I ask one more thing?” I added.
“Didn’t you say you had two questions?” She paused. “I’m sorry, go ahead.”
“Did you want to be happy?” I asked.
Aisha cast her gaze downward. She pursed her lips and her face tensed up, until she finally answered: “Yes.”
So, she had, then. She’d wanted to be happy. But someone like her should’ve realized that wasn’t going to work out.
No… Maybe it was because she didn’t know how to be happy that she ran off like she did.
“Would you have been happy if I never found you?”
Aisha weakly shook her head. “Arus did… He did all kinds of things for me, but at this rate, he’d probably end up my puppet, and I’d never change. This…won’t work.”
“I see.”
Well, if she hadn’t felt this way, she wouldn’t have given up. She would’ve hidden and run away with Arus, even while pregnant. She wouldn’t have let me find her.
I cleared my throat and looked at Aisha. “It’s about time we get down to business.”
Aisha raised her head. There were dark circles under her eyes, but her gaze was full of strength, completely different from how dead it was moments ago. These were the eyes of someone who had steeled their resolve.