Chapter 15:
“Crazy Face” Misery Mosery
“WAIT,” I cut in, “I’m getting in on this too.”
These guys were in their own little world, being all dramatic at each other, and that wasn’t fair! What kind of torture was this, not being able to jump into such a fun-looking fight?
“Join in or don’t,” Misery Mosery said. “It matters little to me—you’re all dead regardless. The outcome remains the same. The world must end.”
“Yeah, sure, whatever. Anyway, I’m in.”
“Boy,” said Elfeit in a low voice, whispering in my ear, “it pains me to say this, but I need your help. Not all the villagers have gotten to safety yet. If we lose control of this situation, it will be trouble.”
Yeah, he was definitely the village chief for a reason. Well, I wasn’t interested in more lives being lost than
necessary. Okay, we’d prioritize the evacuation of the elves before we fought. That seemed pretty straightforward.
Aw man, I was still feeling real fired up after my battle with the monster earlier. Maybe this Misery Mosery guy could give me a little fun.
“Whisper what you will, it matters not. You’re dead men walking.” Misery Mosery pointed his arms at me and Elfeit both, one arm toward each of us.
“Wh—” Something I couldn’t even see flew toward me, and I leapt to the side. It grazed my cheek, and warm blood trickled down.
I sensed death in that moment. I didn’t think there was any way I could’ve blocked whatever that was. His ability?
“Oho, the impertinent heathen has some moves, doesn’t he? If you’d just be obedient, you’d die easier,” said Misery Mosery in the musical, admiring tone of a pet owner pleased to see a trick. Irritating bastard.
“Take a page out of your friend’s book,” he added. “He knows how to take a hit when he deserves one.”
“You—what did you do?” A cleanly bisected wall of earth stood before Elfeit—he’d thrown it up to defend himself. Had he failed somehow? Though he’d moved quickly enough to avoid a direct hit, blood poured from his torso, staining his immaculate white robes.
“Your weak defenses couldn’t hope to stop my ‘Blade of Nothingness.’ It is impossible to defend against. This most powerful of abilities, sweetly granted to me by the Great Dark God, will enable me to bring this world to its end.”
“Wow, dude, you’re pretty goddamn stupid.”
I couldn’t stop myself. I mean, that was just too much, you know? What absolute idiot stood around openly blabbing about his own ability for everyone to hear? Apparently the kind who’d stand right in front of us in his super cool and definitely not tryhard mask.
Misery Mosery stopped moving, and his look of pure rage seethed even through his mask. “You…you mock me? Mock me and you mock my God. Such transgressions cannot be forgiven.”
He hurled another Sharp Thing of Not Stuff or whatever right at me. I ducked with perfect timing. Not a scratch.
“You… What did you do? What is this?”
“Nothing special. Just the result of earnest training.”
First of all, the Blades of Nothingness (ugh, of course I remembered the name—it was just grossly edgelordy!) weren’t all that fast. I mean, no matter how “impossible” to see something was, I’d been constantly training myself to sharpen my senses. If I could feel the wind as it moved, I could dodge. Maybe he could’ve caught me by surprise at first, but now? Come on!
“Sorry, it’s over.” I rushed him, trying to get in close for a punch.
“Don’t you dare look down on me!”
He blasted a fireball at me, but that was nothing. I plowed right through, taking the shortest distance between point me and point jackass.
“Your arrogance will get you killed,” he snarled.
“If you think you can kill me, just try!” I shouted back.
He launched three Blades of Nothingness right through the fireball. So now he wanted to catch me by surprise, huh? Kinda clever, I guess.
“That ain’t gonna stop me.” I leapt through the air and went flat, slipping right between the blades. No backing down. I was going to keep it up, get in, and pound him.
“That is what I meant by arrogance, heathen.”
“Huh?!”
A Blade of Nothingness suddenly changed trajectory and hurtled right at me. I struggled to kick through the air and get away, but my air speed wasn’t fast enough, not to dodge that blade.
“Great Dark God, I deliver this soul unto you. Shower it with your usual mercy! Annihilate it completely.” Misery Mosery prayed.
Damn! How could I get cornered by a guy who calmly closed his eyes and muttered a prayer in the middle of a fight? I might have to lose a limb again if I wanted to win this.
No sooner did I think that than I heard Elfeit’s voice. “Hm!”
My body suddenly launched up into the sky. “Uh?”
The ground bulged up, and my body was lifted higher and higher. The Blade of Nothingness glanced off a pillar of earth—right where I’d stood moments before. I twirled into the air, putting some distance between me and the blades, and the tower of earth collapsed. The blades flew toward me for a moment before breaking form and disappearing.
Looked like they had about a thirty-foot range in a straight line—not very far. If I were more used to fighting guys with that kind of range, I could’ve probably handled the rest easy. Then again, there was no way I’d come out alive if I took a hit from one of those blades head-on.
“I thought you were in danger, so I lent a hand,” said Elfeit. “Perhaps that was unnecessary?”
“Nah, thanks for the save.” He was still alive, huh? I’d thought for sure he was dead.
“You have spared a life marked for annihilation. You… How can you not see the splendor of the Great Dark God and His teachings?!” Misery Mosery shrieked, tearing at his own mask. Blood flowed from his mask as he scratched and tore, and he made a hideous, grating sound.
Kzzzzzzzzzzzzzt…
“I put my faith in the Almighty Wind God, and no other. Our God is nothing like your bloody, narrow-minded demon,” Elfeit snarled.
Suddenly, the ground beneath Misery Mosery’s feet rose up and surrounded him. Was this Elfeit’s earth magic?
“Quick, boy—finish this!”
“On it!”
I closed the distance between myself and Misery Mosery once again. Amidst the clamor from the trees—they’d stopped their “doon” sounds and were humming now, as if listening to our battle—I heard the murmuring voice of Misery Mosery through the wall of dirt he was trapped within.
“O Great Dark God, you’ve come for me. I’m so glad you’ve come!”
Wait, what in the world was this guy going on about now? Was he—
“Back, boy, get back! His magical energy is swelling!”
The wall of earth exploded. From the dust and rubble emerged Misery Mosery, soaked in blood. Crimson flowed steadily from behind his mask, poured out, soaking his clothes a sick, sticky red.
“Great Dark God…you’ve come. Great Dark God…you’ve come.” Misery Mosery’s voice was louder than before, shriller. Even though he wobbled unsteadily on his feet, I saw no clear opening for attack.
“I’m getting a real bad feeling,” I said, “like things just got interesting.”
“It matters not what manner of monster we face. So long as the Almighty Wind God is our ally, victory belongs to us.”
My heart beat harder and harder, pumping hot blood throughout my body in time with my emotions. Oh yeah, I was in a fight to the death right now. The thrill I felt, it was like I could be dead the very next moment. Time compressed. My body shuddered.
“Don’t you think that’s enough stalling?” I asked.
Elfeit nodded. “Yes. I’m sure most everyone has evacuated safely by now. We no longer have to fear getting the villagers involved.”
“Cool. Time to give this everything I got.” I clenched my fist.
This. Was. Awesome. Oh yeah, I was fired up. The sound of my heart made me feel so alive. Yeah, this was living! This was what it meant to be alive!
I kicked off the ground and propelled myself toward Misery Mosery.
“Great Dark God…let’s kill them all. Let’s kill and kill and kill, one by one by one, until we find there are none left. The more I kill, the more virtuous I become. Rotting world, reeking. Make it right. Fix it, one by one,” Misery Mosery babbled that and more while sending another Blade of Nothingness attack flying my way.
The speed of his attack was way faster now, and seven blades careened toward me—he’d really upped his game, huh?
I grinned. What a nice pace. Good effort. Wouldn’t be fun otherwise, heh.
“HOOOAAAHHH!” I pounded the ground, used the surface like a shield—
“Great Dark God…”
—and, using the ground as a distraction, dodged behind Misery Mosery. The blades seemed to lose track of me too, flying on straight ahead.
“Sleep, monster!” Elfeit roared, unleashing lightning magic on Misery Mosery.
Oh, right, forgot about that guy a bit. Well, with this distraction—if I was gonna hit this jerk, it had to be now! I swung my fist, not making a sound.
“Great Dark God…aaaaahhhHHHHH—H—H—H!”
Misery Mosery didn’t move his body at all, just his neck. It rotated 180 degrees to face me.
No, I was still faster, right? No hesitation, no hesitation—it was clobbering time!
“Hooah!” I swung my fist with all my might—but a wall of earth met my punch. I pierced through and hit—no. I didn’t get Misery Mosery. That bastard, he’d used the same trick I had, huh? Made the wall a distraction. “Tch.”
Blades of Nothingness flew through the walls of earth, chipping away at the dirt. I had no choice but to retreat. I couldn’t tell where they were coming from, couldn’t come up with a plan…that ability of his was just too vicious. I mean, really, wasn’t there any defense?
“Nggaah! Nggaaaaaa ha ha ha ha ha ha! O Great Dark God, I am reborn!”
In fact, I didn’t see any wounds on Misery Mosery’s body. Yeah, he hadn’t been damaged at all.
“By the will of the Great Dark God! By His will! This world will be shrouded in darkness! Born into meaninglessness, born only to die, such is our only commonality, see?! I bring meaning to your death. Show you how to die in a way that pleases Him. You—don’t you understand that?! Heathen trash. Slime on my boot,” Misery Mosery rambled nonsensically.
“Listen, boy: No matter how many times you rush in, you’re not going to get any results like that. And I went through all the trouble of setting him up for you.” Elfeit waved his hand in disgust.
“Shut it. You haven’t damaged him either.”
“That’s because there’s a pesky little human fly flitting about. It’s too much of a distraction for me to launch a real attack with my magic.”