“Do you lot need something?” Filia snapped.
“Oh noooooo, I just think you’re really pretty is all, sweetie. Don’t you think it’d be way more fun being with us rather than that uggo?”
The men drew in closer, still smirking. Filia had stood out the instant we set foot inside the guild, so I guess it made sense that a group like this would make a move on her.
“Oh, what an interesting and original proposition. I think I’ll…pass,” said Filia, examining her nails as if she were afraid a piece of the group was stuck under them.
“Huh? What’d you just say, sweetie?”
“Do you think that makes you sound fun? You don’t seem very entertaining. And, for your information, I’m not five. So cut it out with the ‘sweetie’ business before I retch.” With that, she stuck her tongue out at them and made a hideous “blargh” noise.
You’d think all that would anger these schmucks, but instead they looked kind of happy to see Filia’s pink cherry blossom of a tongue. What a hopeless bunch of goons.
“Oh wow, a feisty one, ain’t ya? You know, that’s just our type. Just leave that busted-up dude over there and come play with us.”
Busted-up? Real funny coming from the twig patrol. Even I felt grossed out now, and I could only imagine how irritated my companion was.
Filia furrowed her brow in complete and utter disgust. “I already said no, so could you please go back to whatever miserable little hovels you barely inhabit? Enough is enough. Just look at you all: we’re not exactly suited for one another anyway, looks-wise. Perhaps you could find a nice ferret to woo, or a scorpion”
Ooh, that was pretty harsh. Of course, there weren’t any humans that were a match for Filia looks-wise in the first place, I was sure. But how could these guys not see that she was ticked? How dumb were they? Just hopelessly dense. Maybe it was time for me to put a stop to this.
Then one of them finally said something interesting.
“Come on, don’t be so cold,” he pressed. “We can work something out, don’t you think?”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. Just a minute.” I got between the men and Filia.
“Yuri!”
I held up my hand. I just couldn’t leave this alone without saying something. “Could you let me join you? For the workout, I mean.”
I couldn’t believe these guys were so rude and tactless! They were offering to work out? Without me? Clearly I was way more suited to that kind of thing than Filia.
But when I said that, the men and Filia all gave me strange looks!
“Hey jerkatron, what’d ya just say?”
Filia sighed. “I was a fool to expect anything from you, Yuri.”
What? Was I wrong?
“I’m just disappointed that you’re excluding me,” I said.
“Excuse me, I believe you’re the selfish one here, getting all disheartened when people don’t want to do what you want,” said Filia with a huff.
“You…!” Speaking of people who don’t do what you want, the adventurers were starting to seethe. “All right, you, cut the crap! Less joking, more blasting!”
The three of them each started preparing to cast magic, three different kinds, all aimed straight at Filia. Just as I’d suspected, this was going way too far.
Right as they fired off their spells, I threw myself forward, right in the direction of their casting. Simultaneously, their three spells slammed into me and my guard stance. Ugh. Didn’t hurt at all.
I let out a deep, silent sigh of disappointment. Their attacks were way weaker than the monsters that lived in the Forest of Death. Far too weak to be interesting. Oh well.
“Are you okay, Filia?”
“Yeah, I’m okay.”
Well, yeah, that should’ve been obvious. Since this was Filia we were talking about, she probably would’ve been able to deal with these piddly attacks just fine without me getting in the way, but it was the principle of the thing, ya know?
Meanwhile, the adventurers gave each other nervous looks. “Why aren’t you injured? Your clothes didn’t even get singed! That’s—what the heck?!”
“Eh he he he! It’s because Yuri has been living as a savage, after all,” boasted Filia.
Now that didn’t make any sense to me at all. Why was Filia suddenly so proud of my supposed ‘savagery’?
“D-don’t screw with us!”
The men lost their tempers and hurled another trio of magical attacks. Unfortunately, since they had terrible aim, some of their spells veered off course. I had to dodge around to make sure every attack actually hit me.
“Yuri, what on earth are you doing? Why did you let them hit you?”
“Well, it’d be bad if they messed up the inside of the guild, right?”
Soon enough, three men stood wheezing from exhaustion in the center of the guild, having fired volley after fruitless volley. And then there was me, untouched, uninjured, and maybe just a little disappointed.
“You jerkanoid! Are you some kinda m-monster?”
“It’s not me, it’s you,” I scolded them. “You’re all just far too weak. Were you even trying?”
“Grr, getting on your high horse like that!”
They glared at me, but it wasn’t intimidating in the least. Frankly, he seemed scared of me.
“W-we were taking it easy on you! Yeah, that’s right, we were just giving you a greeting right now, so we were holding back!” said one of the men. The other two hastily followed suit and agreed.
These guys… How could I ignore a challenge like that? With a wild grin, I brought myself up to my full height and struck an imposing stance.
“Holding back, you say? How half-hearted! And you call yourselves men? More… Come at me with more!”
“What the hell is your deal?! You’re creeping us out!”
Once more, the adventurers gathered magical energy. Aww yeah, here we go! Man against man, toe-to-toe, a magnificent opportunity to train my terrific tolerance of magic!
But just before they let loose their attack, a man in a pristine white soldier-type uniform barged into the guild.
“That’s enough!” he roared. “The use of attack magic is strictly prohibited in town! That’s just common sense!”
Tsk. Guess my magic training would have to wait. Wait…come to think of it, Filia could use her magic on me, couldn’t she? Yeah, next time I needed the practice, I could just have her shoot her magic at me!
“Hey, you! Are you listening?” the soldierly man snarled.
Whoops, I guess I was lost in my own little world. When I came back to my senses, I saw the three troublemakers had been arrested by the man in white. Some kind of glowing magic thread had the three of ’em all tied up.
“Hey! Are you listening?!” the man in white repeated.
“Do you need something?” I asked. How annoying!
“I am a knight of the order who protect Astarte. You are aware of the law, I take it? The use of any magical attacks capable of posing harm to others is strictly forbidden within the limits of Astarte.”
Had the receptionist said something like that, too? Maybe… It didn’t really have anything to do with me in this circumstance, though.
“I understand these fellows dragged you into an altercation, but the law is the law. I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you to accompany me.”
“Eh? Why, though?”
“They are magicians, and you fought. You used magic to counter them, didn’t you?”
“Ohhhh. Nope.” These guys had been way too weak for me to bother with muscle magic.
“Nonsense! Then how did you withstand their attacks?”
“Muscles, duh.”
“Don’t make jokes!”
My muscles were no joking matter. My exquisite muscles could stop swinging blades—of course they were impervious to three twerps with weak magic. Why was this knight guy being so unreasonable?
“I’m taking you with me!”
“Huh?”
Finally, Filia jumped in: “Please, sir, please listen. Yuri really didn’t use any magic. He doesn’t even have any magical energy to speak of.”
Ah, Filia was covering for me! And here I thought she was a little too coldhearted for that, but—hold on, back up. Had she just said I had no magical energy?
“How do you know that?” the man asked.
“Can’t you see? I’m an elf.”
Was this an elf thing, then, detecting magic? The knight seemed to think so, as he relented, though he didn’t look too happy about it.
And…that was that. Everything was settled! Or so I thought.
“May I ask you one thing?” asked the man, turning to face me.
“Go for it.”
“Would you dare take an attack from me? If you can withstand it unharmed, it would prove your innocence.”
“You’re allowed to use magic, then?” I asked.
“As a knight of the order, indeed.”
“Well then, I guess you should bring it on, eh?”
On hearing my answer, the man nodded and we assumed positions. I took up my guard stance while the man closed his eyes and concentrated. As he did, magical energy emanated from him at a level incomparable to the feeble offerings of the twigs from earlier.
All right, this guy had my attention!
His spell took form damn fast, too, at just under three seconds: a molten fireball pulsing in his hand with more power than those three had ever shot at me combined.
“Here it comes,” the man roared.
He unleashed the blazing ball of fire. It hurtled toward me and collided with my guard stance. In an instant the fireball burned my clothes to ashy shreds that wafted to the floor.
“Aw, nice! Pretty great fire, all things told! Looks like it was enough to burn my clothes off, to boot.”
Burning my clothes was nothing to scoff at, though that fireball still hadn’t had enough juice to injure me. Still! Not bad!
“Much as I find this difficult to believe,” the man said painstakingly, “your companion is telling the truth. I felt not a single spark of magical energy from you. I must apologize for doubting you.”
“Oh no, it’s fine. I always love a good spot of training!”
Guess I still had a long way to go, if an attack like that could burn my clothes. After the knight apologized once again for any inconvenience, he offered me a change of clothes and left, those three ruffians in tow. The clothes he left were expensive, too—I guess it was a genuine apology. Didn’t seem necessary; the whole thing had been a tiny annoyance, if anything.
“Well. I’m glad you didn’t get taken away,” said Filia.
I nodded. “Yeah. We’re still pretty broke, we can’t afford to lose a second of time dealing with jail and whatever.”
Plus, the sooner we got to work, the sooner I could climb the ranks and explore the world! Then I’d fight powerful enemies, grow stronger, and follow my ultimate path!
“You really are some kind of battle-loving idiot, aren’t you?” Filia said with a dejected sigh. To my surprised face, she said, “Oh, you didn’t need to say a word of that aloud.”
That was Telepathy for you, huh?
“Ehh, whatever. Let’s take this one here for the time being,” I replied. With that, I snatched a paper request from the bulletin board at random and jaunted back over to the reception desk.