“Yeah, nothin’ I can say to that. I lost fair and square.” And I’d gotten the participation prize twice in a row, of all things. So disappointing!
Filia smirked. “No problemo, my good bro.”
“Uh. What was that?”
“I thought I’d try acting like a big wig. You know, a sort of upper-crust voice?” said Filia, looking very serious. Was that how she thought they sounded?
“Your lack of imagination is showing,” I told her.
“L-Lacking in the breast department? Me? Why, I never!”
“Hold on, you know that’s not what I said at all!”
Filia crossed her arms in front of her chest for emphasis and gave me a look of disgust, like I was some kinda perv. But she was the one who’d brought it up, hadn’t she?
“C’mon, Filia. I’d never say something like that.”
“I-I suppose that’s true…I’m sorry. I lost my head a little bit there.”
“I’m glad you understand that. Anyway, how about those glasses? You’re gonna try ’em on, right?”
“Oh, yes, that’s right! Glasses time!”
We’d managed to get to the main topic…somehow. I let out a deep sigh. Thank goodness things hadn’t gotten even more complicated.
Filia handed me the glasses. “I’ll make an exception and let you wear them, Yuri. Think of it as my apology for what happened before. This makes us even.”
“All right.” It wasn’t like I was particularly worried about all that, but I wasn’t about to turn down the opportunity. I took the black lens-less glasses from Filia. The simple oval-shaped frames gave me the look of an intellectual.
Oho…that’s right, baby. I started admiring the look of Glasses Yuri. Maybe these would help me fulfill my secret ambition…my ambition to become an intellectual-type character!
“I am an intellectual muscle man, but I just can’t seem to convey my sheer intellectualism to the people. Once I put on these glasses, I’ll finally become an intellectual-type character!”
“I’m sorry, Yuri, but the very fact that you said that goes to show that you’re no intellectual.”
“Ah! You say that, Filia, but I haven’t even put them on yet. You’re gonna eat your words!” I put the glasses on and turned to look at Filia. “So, what do you think? Intellectual-lookin’, right? I totally look like an intellectual?”
Filia slowly tilted her head. “Hm? It’s… not… great? Subtle, for sure, but…hm. I think they don’t quite suit you.”
They didn’t suit me, huh?
I checked myself out in the mirror, but—to be perfectly frank—I had no idea whether they actually looked good on me or not. But if Filia said they weren’t a great look on me, she was probably right. I’d have to put my intellectual-in-glasses plans on hold. Besides, I didn’t want to rely on glasses to look the part, you know?
No, I needed to convey intellectualism to others around me based on the impression they got from me, not a pair of glasses. As I thought about that, I realized something.
“Hey, Filia. Aren’t these glasses kinda, uh, really cheap?”
“They are certainly quite thin, but, you know, glasses are surprisingly durable.”
“That’s not what I mean though. They’re really light.”
“Technology these days is amazing. You don’t even feel like you’re wearing them,” Filia declared casually.
At that moment, inspiration hit. I snapped my fingers. “Eureka!”
“You’re eek-who?” Filia gave me a puzzled look.
I’d just have to explain my revolutionary idea to her, then. “If you’re going to wear glasses, I think it would be way more fun if they were as heavy as a rock. You know, for training!”
“You have such a particular idea of fun.”
My idea was immediately rejected, but—no, I had to be onto something, right? “But it’s still good to have some kind of impact, you know? Oh! How about something like a function where it just suddenly electrocutes your entire body without any warning? Now that’s what I call impact! Thrilling impact!”
“No one would want that kind of impact, and glasses don’t need to be thrilling.”
Glasses didn’t need to be thrilling, huh? Then why in the world did anyone wear them?
Filia sighed. “Yuri, you really are a muscle-brained lunk through and through, aren’t you?”
“Aw, come on, Filia, you’ll make me blush.”
“Yuri, I want you to please understand what I’m doing here. I’m being disparaging.”
“Disparaging how?”
“I feel like I could call you anything, and you’d be happy as long as it had the word ‘muscle’ in it somewhere.”
“Well, I can’t help it if that makes me happy. I mean, check out these muscles, right? He he…”
“Whoa…” Upon seeing me vacantly gazing at my own muscles, a completely spellbound look in my eyes, Filia crossed her arms like she was hugging herself tight.
“Okay, you’re making that face at me right now, but what goes through your head when you’re looking at yourself in the mirror?”
“Something like…‘The world is mine!’ Or, hm, more specifically, I think about how I’m just so cute that I could eat myself up! He he he…”
“Whoa…” What was her deal?! Was she crazy or something? I put a little distance between myself and Filia as she laughed.
A few minutes later, I’d finished trying on the glasses and it was time to hand them back to Filia.
Glasses in hand, she looked oddly focused and unleashed a rather disconcerting chuckle. “Tee hee. At last, I, the star performer, shall wear the glasses!”
Before I even realized it, I’d been reduced to the opening act. I guessed that made sense, if we were going by looks. I’m not trying to be self-deprecating here—Filia is really just way too beautiful. Nothing you can do about that.
Filia had her back turned to me, so I couldn’t see her face. “Drr-drr-drr-drr!” She suddenly started making some kinda mysterious sound. Was she trying to put some kind of curse on me or something? Wait, no, maybe it was an attempt at a drumroll sound? With a bright “Dun-dun!” she whirled around to face me.
“So, what do you think? Do they look good on me?”
“I dunno. They kinda suit you. I think? I mean, you already look pretty smart,” I said. If you looked at Filia’s face alone, she gave the impression of cool and intelligent beauty.
But that impression was even further enhanced by the black lens-less glasses. Although she hadn’t changed on the inside, she looked the part of a composed, quiet, mature woman. You could just picture her reading an anthology of poetry in the library, lit by the sunlight filtering through the trees outside.
She didn’t remotely look like the kind of person who would say something like, “Drr-drr-drr-drr, dun-dun!” or anything.
Filia must’ve been pretty pleased to hear it, because she pushed the glasses up on her face, looking ecstatic. “Tee hee. I suppose I am quite sagacious.”
“Nah. I’m just saying that you look smart, is all. In reality, well…you’re more…you know.”
“I’m more what?! What do I know?!”
“Well, you know, I mean…nah, I feel sorry for you. I’m not gonna say it.” I didn’t want to fool around and hurt Filia or anything, but it seemed like my kindness had backfired.
Filia leaned over her bed. “You’re usually oh-so-straightforward and outspoken, so why is it that Mr. Delicacy only says hello at times like this, hmm? It’s quite the coincidence, so of course I’m going to be curious.”
“‘Mr. Delicacy says hello’? What does that mean?”
“Please don’t dodge the question.”
Huh? Was I the bad guy here?
“Come on, won’t you come out and say it? If you say it, it’ll make things better. Okay?” said Filia, moving over onto my bed and sitting down, tugging on my sleeves.
If she said she wanted to hear it that badly, it had to be fine. Right? “Okay, I’ll come out and say it, but it might hurt your feelings. Okay?”
“I can handle it! I will refute your every argument brilliantly, and I will demonstrate to you that I, the transcendentally beautiful elf, am absolutely and positively perfect, Yuri,” said Filia, putting her hands on her thin waist and sticking her chest out confidently.
“It’s not really that big a deal. It’s just, well, there are maybe two or three things that kinda make me not so sure about, uh. The word sagacious. As it applies to you?”
“Yes, yes, and what would those be? Can you give me citations? If you think that I, Filia, renowned for my complete perfection at all times, in all places, have any flaws, then let’s hear them!”
I took a deep breath. “You…love yourself way too much.”
“Hm.”
“You get carried away as soon as someone praises you.”
“Well, that’s…”
“And we first met because you got lost in the forest, Filia.”
“Okay, okay! Jeez, that’s enough.” Filia plopped down on my bed and hid her face with a pillow. “Ugh…” Then she started sobbing and sniffling.
“Told ya so.”
“So hurtful…” Filia sniffed and, with her face still buried into the pillow, kicked her legs around.
“But the glasses look good on you. That’s true.”
Filia turned to look toward me, her eyes glassy. The silver hue of her eyes glittered and sparkled in the light. “R-really? You’re not making fun of me again?”
“Come on, think about it. Have I ever made fun of you before?”
At that, Filia looked up and then started recalling past incidents, counting them on her fingers. “Yeah,” she said, “a few times.”
Okay, yeah, I’d made fun of her a lot. I’d just been trying to find something nice to say, but this conversation was going bad fast. “W-well, putting aside the whole making fun of you thing…I really do think the glasses look good on you. You know, they kinda, you know…you look fashionable. Maybe even smooth.”
I’d answered like a true intellectual muscle man, putting my extensive vocabulary to good use to praise her. To be specific, I’d pushed on ahead with smooth. But regrettably, I’d lived on my own for a long time, so complimenting others wasn’t my strong suit. Maybe I’d made a mistake. Maybe I’d—
“Hm. He he.”
Nope, it seemed like her mood had already improved. Jeez, flattery really did do wonders for her. Did that make her less difficult? Or more?
“Well, Yuri, that’s to be expected from yours truly!” Filia, completely recovered, now sat next to me, shoulder to shoulder.
“Yep, that’s just what I’d expect from you, Filia.” I meant her quick recovery, of course.
“Huh? What was that?” asked Filia.
“Oh, that’s just what I’d expect from you, Filia.”
“He he! I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you. One more time, please?”
“That’s just…what I’d expect from you, Filia?”
“Bah ha ha! Come on, no need to butter me up! You’re embarrassing me!”
“You’ve got an interesting way of enjoying life, huh?”
As Filia lightly smacked the bed, hiding her embarrassment, I shot her a teasing look.