She’d never spoken to Tsugumi before, but Kuchina could distinctly remember what she had said about her sister. She hated that about herself.
Kuchina went down the hallway lined with second-year classrooms and descended the stairs.
Last spring, Tsugumi had been surrounded by friends in the classroom. They were having a competition about who had the most siblings, and no one had beaten Tsugumi with her four sisters. Someone had said how amazing it was that her family had five kids, but Tsugumi had gotten angry and argued back, saying, “Some families have even more! My family hardly even counts as being large.” “No way, you definitely have a large family,” they’d replied, and everyone had laughed.
I used to want a sister…
Kuchina remembered a time when she’d thought that.
It was because I was alone. I was always alone, and I’ll always be alone…
It was unfair. She didn’t have anything or anyone.
Even if it’s not fair, it probably is.
A boy and a girl came up the stairs. They weren’t walking arm in arm, but they were leaning on each other. They were probably going out. Neither of them turned toward Kuchina, and she moved to the side of the stairs before they saw her. They glanced at her as they passed, as if they’d only just noticed her presence.
My mother died because I was born. I don’t know what happened to my father. I’m a murderer because I’m like this. What happened to Katsuhiko and Yoshimi is because I tried to quit my job. It’s only fair… I don’t have the right to be happy…
Kuchina regretted it.
It was fun with Takarai and Shiramori. And Shigee. And Hayashi. And me. It was the first time in my life I was able to spend time like that.
The sweeter the memory, the bitterer the regrets that were stuck in her mind, until they became unbearable.
Ah… That’s what it is…
At some point, she’d remembered something that man had said to her when she was caged.
It wasn’t a metaphor—Kuchina had literally been imprisoned. She’d been locked inside a strong, steel cage installed in a room. Within that cage was another smaller cage, which could be unlocked using an external mechanism to allow Kuchina to go in and out of it. The person taking care of her would enter the small cage, place Kuchina’s food and water on the floor, then leave again right away.
Once a day, or sometimes every few days, that man would show his face.
He ordered the person taking care of Kuchina to put a white plate of food into the small cage. Kuchina hadn’t known it at the time, but it was shortcake. She’d gotten down on her hands and knees and put her face close to the plate, smelling the food. Her mouth had quickly filled with saliva.
“You want to eat it, Kuchina?” the man had asked.
Kuchina had nodded immediately.
If she was being honest, she wanted to eat anything as long as it was edible. Kuchina was usually starving and thirsty. She didn’t receive food or drinks for free. It was always in exchange for something. She wasn’t allowed even a single mouthful of water if she didn’t do what the people taking care of her, her trainers, or her master said.
Yet that food was extraordinarily appealing. It was completely different from the hard bread, thin rice porridge, salty soup, lukewarm water, foul-smelling white drink, and strange-tasting pills she was usually given. Even the grilled meat she very rarely got, which was the most satisfying of all, didn’t stimulate her appetite anywhere nearly as much as this.
“Do you really?” the man asked with a smile.
“I wonder if it’s all right to eat.
“…Really?
“You know, Kuchina…
“It’s delicious.
“To tell you the truth, I also really like it.
“The man’s an amazing pâtissier. You probably don’t understand. I doubt you know that word: ‘pâtissier.’ It’s French. It’s someone who makes desserts.
“He’s an acquaintance of mine. I might even call him a friend. All the desserts he makes are the best.
“I’m no gourmet or connoisseur, but I do have my preferences and my own evaluation criteria. I can judge whether that person has talent or not.
“That man is extremely talented. He has good taste. He might even be a genius.
“It’s all right, Kuchina…
“You can eat it if you want to. I won’t berate you if you do.
“But is it all right?
“Is it really?
“Before you eat it, I want you to think about one thing.
“If you do eat it…
“I promise you’ll want to eat it again. You’ll crave it so much that you won’t be able to stand it. You’ll probably do anything to get it.
“You might think that’s impossible.
“…You’d be wrong.
“You can take a gamble.
“If you win, I’ll make any wish you have come true. But I won’t lose. I know that.
“I know. So…
“Think about that one thing:
“Is it really all right?”
The conversation had happened quite a long time ago, when Kuchina had still been very young. She hadn’t clearly understood what that man was trying to say. She’d only known one thing for sure:
If she ate the food, something terrible would happen. No matter how much she wanted to eat it, she mustn’t. So she restrained herself.
“I don’t want it,” Kuchina had told him.
The man’s entire face had broken into a smile.
“That’s okay.”
Good, Kuchina had thought. I was right. I won’t be punished.
I shouldn’t have eaten it…
Yet despite that, she’d ended up devouring it—not the shortcake, but the potato chips.
“If you do eat it—”
The man was laughing.
“—I promise you’ll want to eat it again. You’ll crave it so much that you won’t be able to stand it. You’ll probably do anything to get it.”
He’d been right: She shouldn’t have eaten it.
“—I know that.”
He’d seen right through her.
“I know.”
He’d seen everything.
Even now, she couldn’t escape from that man.
Kuchina had been heading toward the shoe cubbies when it suddenly felt like her heart had burst. The shock was strong enough to make her think it might have.
Asumi Shiramori and Hina Shigee were walking toward her.
Kuchina immediately tried to turn around and go back the way she’d come, but just then—
“Oh!” Asumi hopped a little ways off the ground and waved. “Morning, Miss Hitsujimoto!”
“…”
She should just pretend that she couldn’t hear or see them and feign ignorance.
But she was too late.
Kuchina was frozen in place. She stared at Asumi and Moena, her eyes wide.
“Miss Hitsujimoto?” Asumi said, tilting her head with her hand still raised.
Moena frowned, looking equally puzzled.
Why…? I didn’t notice them first?
They weren’t trained. It would be one thing if they were professionals, but for two completely normal people to get the upper hand on her was a terrible blunder. How had something like this happened? Under the right conditions, she might not have been able to recover if this had happened at work.
Kuchina backed away.
I should at least greet them…
Right. She should just say “Good morning” or something. Then she’d be able to leave. It was no big deal. She could do it. Even Kuchina Hitsujimoto could give a greeting—
It’s impossible.
She didn’t think it would end with just a greeting. Asumi was an incredibly friendly girl—almost frighteningly so. She was frightening. This feeling Kuchina had was unmistakably fear.
Her relationship with Sousei Takarai was also complicated, but things wouldn’t have turned out this way if she’d just been dealing with him.
Asumi Shiramori—now that she was involved, the situation was a huge bother.
Kuchina clenched her teeth. Asumi seemed unsure about whether or not to lower the hand she’d been waving with, and she was avoiding eye contact, screwing up her face slightly. What was that facial expression? Was it discomfort? It couldn’t be delight. Was she sad? It could definitely be taken that way. Someone had upset Asumi. In that case, there was only one culprit—Kuchina herself.