Interlude:
Even If All Should Forget You
(Catherine Achard)
STARTING WITH CLAIRE, I erased myself from the memories of everyone I knew, save for one person. I intended to keep doing this for the rest of my life, even with the people I went on to meet from here. It would be my way of atoning.
I looked at Claire, now unconscious. She was so fierce, but she looked so terribly youthful when she was asleep like this. The same youthful girl whom I was supposed to kill long ago.
I’d refrained from telling her this part, but the truth was that it was no coincidence she and I became childhood friends. My father had secretly ordered me to get close to her, all so I could patiently wait for an opportune moment to end her life. Of course, I only pretended to follow through with his orders. I could never kill Claire—especially not when I owed my life to her mother, Melia. But by feigning obedience to my father and pretending I was waiting for a chance to kill her, I could prevent my father from sending further assassins her way.
Of course, all that pretending ended today.
I picked her up for one last hug, then gently laid her down. I couldn’t stay long. My preparations were already made. All that remained was to quickly leave Bauer.
I cursed how slow the wheelchair made me as I traveled to the royal capital’s west gate. Nightlife in the capital was lively. The moon was already high in the sky, yet cheerful voices could still be heard from the diners and pubs I passed. People gathered to celebrate the end of a day’s work together with friends—something I would never experience again. The only thing that awaited me was solitude.
I’d lived most of my life with Claire by my side. I had no clue how long I would hold up on my own. But I had to try and persevere regardless. Suicide was too cowardly an escape for someone who’d done the things I had. I had to atone the hard way.
“I hope Claire made it back to the dorms safely…” I mused. I was sure she would be fine even if I were gone. She had Rae to look after her. Claire hadn’t fully opened her heart to her yet, but it seemed only a matter of time at this point. Those two were sure to get together before long.
Claire had many people by her side, in fact. She had Pepi, Loretta, and until recently, Lene too. The one who left the strongest impression on me, though, was Manaria—the girl Claire claimed was like an older sister to her.
The first time I met her, she canceled out my magic right away and asked me, “Are you Claire’s enemy? Or her ally?” She’d seen right through my magic, identifying what it really was and understanding its affinity for assassination work. I knew she might kill me right then and there depending on how I answered, so I told her the whole truth.
She replied, “…I see. Come to me if you ever need help, then. I might be able to do something for you.” In that moment, when she accepted and acknowledged me as a friend of Claire’s, I understood how much she cared for her “little sister.”
“How nice…” I found myself a bit jealous, even though I shouldn’t. I had no right to desire people like Rae or Manaria in my life. I’d made my choice. I would live in solitude from here on out. “But at the very least, I want you to be happy, Claire.”
Eventually, I arrived at the western gate.
“Hm? What are you after, then?” the gatekeeper called out upon noticing me.
“Good evening. I was hoping you could let me through?”
“Sorry, gate’s closed for the day. Come back tomorrow.”
“Oh, but tomorrow’s a bit difficult for me.” There shouldn’t be anyone left who remembered me, but given what had just happened with my father, things were going to get hectic soon. I’d rather leave before border inspections grew tighter, if possible.
“No means no. Gate’s closed.”
“Well, I guess you leave me no choice.” I gathered what remaining magic I had left in me and took the gatekeeper’s memory of me. I gently caught him as he lost consciousness and collapsed. “Sorry, but I really do need to get through.”
I placed him gently on the ground and began to wheel my way through the gate.
“And where do you think you’re going without me, my lady?”
“…Huh?” Right as I passed under, I heard a voice call out. I turned around and saw someone I’d never expected to see again. “…Emma?”
“I’ve been looking all over for you. I take my eyes off you for one second and you up and disappear.”
“But…I…”
“If you have plans to go somewhere, please inform me first.”
“…How, Emma?” I should have erased all of Emma’s memories of me. How did she still know who I was?
“How what?”
“I…I should have erased all memory anyone has of me. So how do you still remember me?”
“Oh, I see,” she said matter-of-factly. “I suppose it’s because my body is naturally resistant to magic.”
“…It is?”
“Indeed. Nobody quite knows why, but my daughter is wholly resistant to magic, so perhaps it’s something hereditary.”
Emma had told me in the past that she was once a member of the royal family of a country that no longer existed. She had abandoned her country after its ruin, but apparently had had a daughter before then who was completely resistant to magic.
“That is why I’m afraid to inform you that erasing my memory will be impossible. You will simply have to give up and accept me staying by your side,” she said.
“I…I can’t allow that, Emma. I’ve decided myself that I’m going to live my life alone. I can’t make an exception, not even for you.”
“And I’ve long since decided that you will be my lifelong master, my lady. I will not change my mind…not even for you.”
Emma was a stubborn woman. Convincing her would be difficult, if not impossible. But I had to do it. “I’m no longer a lady of House Achard, Emma.”
“I am aware.”
“I have no money with which to pay you.”
“I am aware.”
“You have no reason to serve me any longer.”
“That is not true. I still have not repaid the debt I owe you.”
“Emma…” She seemed to have her heart set on following me.
“I owe my life to you, my lady. You took me in when I was hopeless and lost and gave me a second chance at life.” Her eyes were full of sincerity. “Allow me to repay you by joining you on your path of atonement.”
She gave me a servant’s bow. I sighed heavily and said, “Do whatever you want.”
“Thank you, I shall.”
“…You’re so stubborn, you know that?”
“As are you, my lady.”
I began to wheel myself away when I felt her begin pushing the wheelchair from behind me. “Thanks, but I can move myself.”
“I do recall you asked me to do what I please, my lady?”
“And I recall you didn’t like it when others pushed me, as I needed the exercise?”
“You’ve moved quite a bit more than usual today. I’d say you’ve had enough exercise already for the day.”
Emma seemed intent on serving me, no matter what. I felt a keen sense of guilt in bringing her along, but at the same time, I was immeasurably happy to not have to make my journey in solitude. “…Emma.”
“Yes?”
“…Thank you.”
“You are ever welcome, my lady.”
I had no idea how I would live, or for how long, but I had a feeling my journey of atonement would be a long one. Even so, I would continue it—together with my awkward but kind-hearted servant.