What is with this girl?!
“But it would be an honor beyond your wildest dreams!” I exclaimed.
“Nah, it wouldn’t be an honor for me.”
“Why?!”
“Because I like you, Miss Claire.”
What utter nonsense. I understood well enough she had feelings for me, but marriage and love were two completely separate things. Marriage was a union of two households. Personal interests had no place in the matter.
“Ha ha ha! That’s right! I should’ve known that’s what you’d say!” Rod slammed the desk, laughing. “Claire, it seems Rae values being with you over marrying royalty.”
He looked thoroughly entertained, despite having his marriage proposal declined. I paled and tried to walk things back before Rae’s opportunity was gone for good. “Please forgive her insolence. She’s just confused by the suddenness of it all. I am sure that once she’s calmed down and thought things through, she will see things differently.”
“No, I’m perfectly calm—”
“I beg you, be silent for just one moment,” I interrupted. Rae genuinely hadn’t a single clue how important this was. This wasn’t remotely similar to two commoners marrying out of love. If it ever got out that she’d rejected a prince, the myriad nobles who were trying to marry their daughters into the royal family would throw a fit. She was basically painting a target on her back. Even if Rod himself wasn’t offended, others would consider her refusal a blatant insult to the royal family.
As wise as he was, Rod was likely ready to suppress such sentiments, but he couldn’t do anything to prevent people covertly making moves—or even assassination attempts on her! Rae’s best option was to accept Rod’s proposal and be under his direct protection.
I asked, “Master Rod, please do not withdraw your proposal just yet.”
“Of course. No matter what Rae thinks, my feelings won’t change.”
“Thank you very much. Please, let’s continue this another time.”
“Sure thing.”
“It’s time to go! Rae, Cardinal Lilly.” I grabbed Rae and Lilly and pulled them out of Rod’s room.
“Wha, hey, Miss Claire!” Rae looked at me like she had something to say, but I shut her up with a glare.
I didn’t speak again until we’d bid Lilly farewell and were taking the carriage home.
“Rae… You took your joke too far,” I sternly chided.
“What joke?”
“You know what joke! I’m talking about how you turned down Master Rod’s proposal!” My words came out inadvertently harsh as my frustration mounted.
“But I mean…come on. I can’t marry someone I’m not interested in.”
“Marriage is about more than your interests! If you were to marry into the royal family, imagine how happy it would make your parents…”
If she married into royalty, her parents would receive a dowry—and likely even more money, under other pretexts. But even setting money aside, the sheer honor of their daughter becoming royalty should be reason enough. They would be the proudest parents in the world.
“I can’t say for certain, but I think my parents would respect my decision,” Rae said nonchalantly. But that wasn’t the issue. She really just didn’t understand a thing.
“I’m sure they would. Your parents are wonderful. But are you content to let them spoil you so? Don’t you want to make them happy?”
“Well…”
Rae wasn’t thinking about what marriage truly entailed, in the broad sense. She wasn’t the only one being affected here. By rejecting a proposal from a prince, she might as well be saying she did not wish for her parents’ happiness.
“But, Miss Claire…I only want to marry you.” I could tell she was being genuine. Part of me reeled at her declaration, but I fought to keep my calm.
“Rae, listen carefully.” I made my tone firm to drive my point home. “I understand you are in love with me. I think it wonderful, even. But marriage is about more than just love.”
“It’s not.”
“It is. Love may be indulged to a certain degree, but individual desires are irrelevant to marriage.”
“Miss Claire…”
“You must accept Rod’s proposal. Being married would not obligate you to break ties with me. On the contrary, if you were to become royalty, our relationship might even—”
“Miss Claire!” Rae raised her voice, making me stop short. This might have been the first time she’d ever interrupted me in such a way. “To me, marriage is just as—no, even more—intimate than love.”
“Rae…”
“No matter what you say, I have no intention of marrying anyone other than you.”
As she said those words, looking directly into my eyes, I allowed myself to imagine what life with her would be like for a moment. The two of us would live on our own. Occasionally Catherine, Misha, and Lene would pay us a visit. We’d go shopping with Pepi and Loretta, and Lilly would show up every so often to poke her nose in our affairs. I would reluctantly tolerate her, even allow her to be Rae’s lover on the side, and…wait, no. What was I thinking?
Did I really think things could turn out that conveniently? I couldn’t avert my gaze from reality.
My values and Rae’s differed greatly. Marriage had proved to be a more personal matter for commoners than I expected—I would concede that much. But I was sure, given enough time and the proper scrutiny, that she would eventually come to see my perspective was correct.
“Rae, think about it carefully. We’re both women. We can never marry one another.”
“Then I will never marry. Simple as that.”
“Even if I marry someone else?”
“…Even if you marry someone else.”
I was a lady of House François. No matter how I felt about Rae, I would one day enter into a political marriage with another high-ranking noble. I didn’t think that strange or unreasonable—it was simply what marriage existed to do. Rae said she was fine with that, and yet she had no interest in marrying royalty.
“I thought I was finally starting to understand you,” I said.
“Thank you very much.”
“But now, I realize how much I truly don’t.”
I saw her flinch in pain at my words. Those words hurt me too.