Before her confinement in the cottage, Alicia trained religiously every day.
“Hey, Alicia, can’t you at least take today off?” I asked, peering into her face.
She was holing herself up in the library from dawn until dusk, practicing magic. She had been in a slump lately—though I suppose it would be more correct to say she’d been progressing abnormally well prior to this time. Ordinarily, children of noble families weren’t supposed to be able to use magic until they turned thirteen, but Alicia had been using it since she was ten. She was beyond special. From an outsider’s perspective, she was worthy of the title of super-prodigy.
But Alicia’s disposition was that, once sparked, her determination would burn on forever.
“No, I can’t. Today is very important.”
“Because it’s important to train every single day?”
“No, there’s no point in training every day.”
“What do you mean?”
“I might only be at this every day because I just want to raise my magic level as quickly as possible.”
“To catch up to Liz Cather?”
There was a pause before Alicia said, “No matter how hard I try, I’ll never catch up to her. But I want to get as close to her as I can. Otherwise, I can’t be all high-and-mighty around her, can I?”
Alicia looked earnest as she said that to me, then the corners of her eyes crinkled into a smile. She surely knew better than anyone that she could never compete with Liz Cather’s gift.
But she was able to maintain an aggressive demeanor with Liz because she constantly worked hard in the hopes of coming within her reach. To be Liz Cather’s monitor, she never became lax in her efforts to stand on an equal playing field with her.
That was why Alicia had told Liz Cather that hard work didn’t always pay off. Because she knew that truth better than anyone… Because she knew that the results were everything.
She also knew better than anyone that what hard work did was give a person self-confidence. So she probably didn’t want to let anyone else see that. Not because she thought it was embarrassing for people to see her desperately trying for something, but because she didn’t want people to see her trying to boost her own self-confidence.
I didn’t know what was truly in Alicia’s heart…but that was my theory, at least.
And with all my heart, I prayed that someday Alicia’s powers would surpass Liz’s innate gift.
“Just don’t hurt yourself, okay?” I said.
Alicia smiled slightly and said, “I won’t cause any harm to these books, but you’d better believe I will hurt myself.”
If everyone else knew the true Alicia, they would become her slaves in a heartbeat. They would all fall in love with her and wish to serve by her side.
While a part of her wished for such a day to come…another part of her didn’t want anybody to know the real her.
And it was this dissonance in her heart that filled me with a soft tenderness.