🎃 🎃 🎃
“GOOD morning, Dum.”
No, I hadn’t been asleep at all.
I’d been dreaming a few minutes ago but awoke to the sound of Leeds leaving the room. I thought back to Mary’s words as I listened to the twins’ conversation shortly after.
If you wanted to know someone well, it was best to talk at night. The night made people honest. It was the perfect time to make people reveal their true feelings.
“What were you going to do?” I asked.
“…I’m sorry.”
The twins sat on the bed silently.
If he was apologizing, then maybe he wanted to play a prank on me. Children often tested limits with adults to see how much they meant to them.
I sat up, took the gun from underneath my pillow, and gave it to Dum.
“This is proof of my honesty. If I can’t reach my gun, then I have no way of resisting you, no matter what you do to me. That’s how much I trust you. You’re my precious family.”
Dee squinted at me.
“We’re not your children, Alice.”
“I didn’t give birth to you, but you’re children growing up in the Liddell family. I want you to go back to normal because I love you.”
“It’s not that kind of love that we want.”
Dum set the gun down on the sheets. With an expression like he was about to burst into tears, he leaned his forehead against my shoulder. His blonde hair grazed my cheek. It was soft and gentle—like a feather tickling me.
“How do we get you to fall in love with us, Alice?”
“How do we get your heart to race for us like it does for Dark, Jack, and Leeds?” Dee, who’d put his forehead on my opposite shoulder, spoke in a weak, trembling voice.
I was the one who’d driven them to this state of agony. I’d always thought of them as a pair of little angels. I’d been looking down on them by thinking that I had to be the one to keep them safe.
I was trying to protect them, but I’d wounded them instead.
They’d had to hold hands and desperately shield themselves from my cruelty together.
“…You’re hurting so much, but you still love me?”
When I finally asked that question, Dum and Dee raised their heads. Fixed on me, their blue eyes were full of tears.
“Yes. We love you, Alice.”
“We love you so much.”
Their familiar words were blatantly romantic. They’d been telling me all this time, but I never understood.
They loved me. They loved me so much.
They’d been standing on their tiptoes and screaming in silence for so long.
“Look at us. We love you.”
I’d always thought they were playing around, so every time they said it to me, I replied, “Me too.” I was as cruel as a demon.
“What should I do? How do I make the two of you happy?”
My desire to keep seeing them as the adorable little Tweedles had turned out to be nothing more than a dagger to their hearts. So, I asked them that question with blind honesty.
I half expected to be shouted at. But instead, the pair embraced me gently.
“We want you to love us.”
“We want you to love us.”
Their voices sounded like a plea for forgiveness.
It was as if they couldn’t bear to live a second longer if I rejected them.
Suddenly, I understood.
I was like a god to them. I created a world for them to live in, protected their days of nonchalant bliss, and was in their hearts at all times—be it waking or sleeping.
I was someone they were never supposed to fall in love with. But now it was too late, and they were suffering for it.
“Thank you for falling in love with me.”
I hugged them back to show my gratitude. It was a trivial thing to say compared to the days they’d spent in grief. But I was still the adult here, and I knew that first loves were fleeting, empty things like glassware.
It was common to mistake admiration for love. Childhood invited such misunderstandings, like when female high school students fell for their teachers. Once they were grown, Dum and Dee’s feelings for me would be a distant memory.
That was the natural outcome. It was why I had to refuse them now.
“I’m happy that you love me. But I can’t be your partner. I’m sorry.”
“Because of Dark?”
“Even though things aren’t going well with him?”
“Well, that’s part of it…”
Thinking back to Dark’s rejection made me depressed again.
I didn’t need to be told again—I understood our situation. It was difficult to press forward toward the future with a partner when your hearts had grown distant.
Dark and I had ended up on different tracks. No matter what directions those routes took, someday, the red thread binding us would snap.
Or maybe it already has.
If it hadn’t, Dark would wrap his arms around me and comfort me with a gentle, “Just keep looking at me, not anyone else.”
“Don’t run from us, Alice.”
“It doesn’t have to be Dark you’re with, does it?”
Their voices were sugary sweet. It was making my determination waver. I hated myself for feeling that way.
Help me, Dark. Don’t let me betray you.
But my heart had already started to lean toward the twins. That was probably what it felt like to go through a rut in a relationship.
Why wasn’t he stopping me? Why wouldn’t he look at me? If he’d only been kind to me, I would never be so reckless. I searched for a reason to betray him, putting all the responsibility in his hands.
“We love you, Alice.”
“We love you so much.”
Those magic words made my brain short-circuit.
I watched them tilt their heads, and I slowly closed my eyes.
In a corner of my hazy mind, I remembered the days I played with Rabbit without any ulterior motives.
Was he the one I loved? Or was it—