The two listened to the hustle and bustle of the wharf while sitting next to each other in silence.
Looking at Leo only reminded Elias of the moment he mercilessly cut down his back in the Ancient Ruins. Thinking back on it, Leo had fought carefully to avoid dealing any lethal wounds to Elias. He concentrated more on defense than offense.
On the opposite hand, Elias’s attacks were the real deal, sparing no concern for accidentally killing his opponent. He savagely hunted Leo down and dealt a heavy blow to him with each vicious strike.
Elias vaguely remembered losing all sense of Leo being his ally and being ready to take his life if the opportunity presented itself.
If Johann and Aki hadn’t arrived in the nick of time, he might’ve finished Leo off when he had him pinned to the ground. Fear roiled in his gut just thinking about it.
Elias lifted his shaking hands above his head and stared at them as if they were foreign objects that didn’t belong to him.
I need to apologize to Leo and the others. I can’t just draw away from them without an apology.
Plus, Leo probably came looking for me because he’s worried. I’m sure he has a lot he wants to say, but instead of criticizing me, he’s patiently waiting for me to speak up first.
Elias was constantly saved by his best friend’s clumsy kindness. He felt pathetic for lacking the courage to properly respond in kind.
I’ve got to stop causing problems for him, Elias thought, taking a deep breath before facing Leo.
“Hey, Leo…” He was so nervous the words lodged in his throat and his voice cracked. Hearing him, Leo silently turned toward Elias. Feeling his mouth rapidly drying out, Elias held Leo’s gaze. “Um, er, well, I’m sorry for all the stupid stuff—”
He tried to bow as he apologized, but Leo smacked his head faster than he could react. Not expecting to be karate chopped, Elias glared at him.
“O-Ow! What was that for—”
“Don’t apologize!”
Elias shirked back from his shouting. Leo leaned closer and pointed his finger at Elias’s face before he could reflexively apologize again.
“Shove your stupid clichéd thought process that you caused problems for us! Everybody knows you didn’t mean to do it! Nobody’s mad at you for that. So stop your worrying.” A kind smile suddenly spread across Leo’s lips as if to soften his words and cheer Elias up. “And quit being depressed already! You moping around all day is more annoying for us!” he added, a wicked gleam flashing in his eyes as he flicked Elias’s forehead.
Dazed, Elias pressed his hand to the stinging flesh and stared back at Leo.
Does that mean they are willing to forgive me? When I don’t deserve it?
The pent-up tension left his body like the tide after he realized forgiveness was possible for him.
Warmth filled him with the knowledge of his friends’ kindness and acceptance. He had done something unforgivable. That’s how he felt, but, deep down, he wanted forgiveness. He never really wanted to leave his friends—he just didn’t know what else to do. He stubbornly rejected what he really wanted.
Realizing his true feelings for the first time, Elias exhaled a long, strenuous sigh and sat up straight. He bowed to Leo to express his heartfelt gratitude.
“Leo, th-thank—” Before he could finish speaking, a single teardrop slipped down his cheek and splashed on his lap.
Elias vowed to never cry before another human being, yet in a single day, he had cried in front of Aki and Leo. Had he lost control over his emotions next?
No, this is who I really am… I’ve always just pretended to be strong when I’m weak.
Wincing, Leo scratched his head and looked back out at the waves, knowing Elias would rather not have his best friend see him cry.
“…C’mon, don’t cry, buddy,” he said quietly. “I think this is the first time I’ve seen you shed a tear. I’m not gonna comment like Johann would, but I do think it’s a good sign. Is this thanks to Aki’s influence, too?” He smiled suggestively and continued without looking at Elias, “…You know, she was crying. Not that you didn’t hear her.”
Lost for words, Elias looked down at his hands in his lap.
He heard her crying through the door so he knew his words had hurt her bad enough she couldn’t even walk back to her room before breaking down. Though he knew it, he left her to cry alone. After all, he wanted her to hate him for being the horrible man who had dumped her so suddenly.
When he heard Leo run over and start talking to her, Elias thought it was for the best.
Because I thought I could give up on her… Leo is far superior to me, both as a person and as a man. So I thought he’d be better for her…
Unaware of Elias’s thoughts, Leo kept his gaze trained on the horizon as he said, “Speaking of which, I wouldn’t have guessed you two became a couple. I mean, I expected it might happen someday, but sounds like something good happened to push you guys along. I heard all about it from Aki.” He cracked a carefree grin.
Elias looked up and wordlessly returned his smile.
Elias took a deep breath, pulled his knees up to his chest, wrapped his arms around them, and rested his head on top. Maybe he was trying to subconsciously protect himself from the scariness of professing his true feelings by making himself as small as possible.
“I…”
The seagulls had been squawking and grunting around them the whole time, but they sounded so much louder now. Elias started pouring out his feelings in a thin voice that was nearly lost in the noise.
“I…fell in love with her the way a man does a woman…”
He felt like he was confessing his sins.
Leo didn’t say anything or push him to say more, he merely sat there listening.
“I…wanted her…wanted Aki to be mine.”
Elias grew more self-conscious and embarrassed about the depth of his desires as he shared them. But since he had never discussed his human emotions before, he was more interested in talking it out with someone than hiding his embarrassment, especially when that someone was his best friend.
“…But it was wrong to want that,” Elias bemoaned between gritted teeth, trying to convey how he really felt without dressing it up. “I can’t control my feelings when it comes to her… To the point I let the Goddess’s power take over me.”
Elias wasn’t all too surprised the Solar Goddess’s immense power was dormant inside him when he was her creation. In retrospect, it actually explained why the Hero had superhuman physical strength.
If only he realized it sooner, the events of the other day could have been avoided.
“I hurt all the people I vowed to protect because I couldn’t control myself…” Overcome with the despair of being unable to stop his mindless rampage, Elias buried his forehead into his knees. “…I failed as a Hero,” he confessed in a strangled voice. “I don’t even know who I’m supposed to be anymore…”