When I contemplated our age difference, the flush came back to my cheeks as though my head were being brought back to earth.
“Could you let me think about it?”
Looking straight at her, I asked Edamoto-san to give me a little time.
As I did so, just for a moment, I imagined a courtyard with a fountain.
“Sure.”
As she answered, Edamoto-san backed away, pushing herself along the floor. She sank back into her seat with her back crooked. The arms that had been supporting her body were shaking unsteadily at the joints.
“Well, I’m relieved you didn’t immediately turn me down, at least.”
I could tell from Edamoto-san’s face, free from its tension, that she wasn’t lying. There was a similar sensation stirring in my own heart. I’m not sure if it was that sense of relief or because I wanted to take a pause, but I washed the remaining liquid in the can down my throat.
“Ooh.”
There was a lot more left than I thought. Even though it left me flustered, I finished it off.
It definitely was very bitter, from the moment it crossed the top of my tongue until it went down my throat.
I felt the alcohol rushing through my veins. In its wake, it left a strange presence.
What was so good about this? As a fresh twenty-year-old, I really couldn’t understand it.
It seemed that even among adults, there were those who were new and those who were experienced.
“I’m going to go home for now.”
While lightly wiping my mouth with a handkerchief, I declared I was leaving.
I wanted to think alone in my room.
Yes. I’m sure I have to think this over thoroughly.
That time had come.
Was the gradual blurring in my head and eyes the result of me revolting against the sea of thoughts, or was it just the alcohol? When I stood up, my consciousness seemed to flow downward, like sweat running down me. I started to walk absentmindedly.
Although I was out of it, it seemed my feet were firmly heading towards the entryway.
“Aren’t you drunk? Can you walk okay?”
I’m fine, I almost answered, but figured I should double-check first. I went forward and backward, switching the movements of my legs. Just as I was about to reply that I was indeed fine, I staggered.
I put my hand on the wall to catch myself, taking a deep breath before attempting to stretch my legs again.
“You are drunk, aren’t you?”
“I’m fine. I think that happened for a different reason.”
When I looked at the reason in question, she scratched her cheek bashfully as though she had guessed what I meant.
“Sorry.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” I said.
I exhaled lightly, and finally, managed to smile.
“I have to say…this isn’t me giving a firm answer or anything, but…” Without looking straight at Edamoto-san, I voiced my gratitude. “I didn’t know hearing those words could make me so happy.”
My barely-functioning brain tried its hardest to communicate what I knew right now, though my words were pretty clumsy.
The redness that had concentrated itself on the tip of Edamoto-san’s nose spread all the way to her cheeks and ears. I was astonished that there were so many ways to indicate affection. Behavior, voice, the movement of her eyes, and even the color of her face.
It seemed that Edamoto-san was deeply and vividly in love with me. Her love was sweet, and sought to satisfy me, but there was a part of me that doubted it. Ahh. It made me want to clasp my hands to my forehead. I’d thought I never wanted to see Senpai again, but she was still living in my heart and my mind.
“Careful on your way home.”
“I’ll be fine.”
“Your limited vocabulary seems kind of suspect.”
“Really fine.”
With awful memories of Senpai in my chest, I left the apartment. If it had been winter, I might have felt a little more settled upon feeling the air outside. But instead, the unfortunate summer heat hit my cheeks and stuck unpleasantly.
The strong sunlight became strong hands and stretched out, beating down on me.
The afternoon light was faint but yellow, with night still distant. The light and alcohol collided and made my skin smart. I took a break for a bit and then moved, and moved again, proceeding in an unsteady march to the stairs. When I went down the first step, they came at me fast. I felt a certain weight pulling down on my shoulders and my core, one that I wouldn’t be conscious of normally.
Gravity was entering my world, contours and all.
As I reached the ground, I was ashamed of the weight dragging down my body. Was this why it was called getting tipsy? I was spinning around. Most of my senses spiraled. What was most worrisome was the illusion that my legs were tangling up with the ground. When I lost focus, the town spun horizontally.
Since I’d gotten caught up in the flow of celebrating my birthday, the result was this: I was drunk while it was still light out.
“Koito-san, Midori, Manaka…and Touko… If they could see me now, they’d probably never let me hear the end of it.”
I looked up at the apartment. I probably should have rested a bit before leaving.
But did I care if Edamoto-san saw? Well, yes. But Edamoto-san already knew.
It seemed this might be a birthday that neither of us would ever be able to forget.
There was a very serious situation between Edamoto-san and I right now. To let alcohol affect that would be disrespectful. I think. So, this was something I needed to go straight home to think about.
I was being overly serious as always, but I thought that was also a virtue in its own way.
Good job, me.
Although it was ridiculous to praise myself like that, somehow I felt light and relaxed.
I was even on the verge of grinning like an idiot.
Once I got to that point, I finally thought, Oh, I really am drunk, aren’t I?
What a stupid thought—I was annoyed with myself, and a little scared.
I swore in my mind that I wouldn’t drink again for a while. It was almost like I was a different person.
How could a little bit of liquid be enough to entirely rewrite my personality?
The corrosive ability of alcohol was a frightful thing.
I wondered why adults enjoyed drinking this stuff. Were they seeking a person different from who they were at the present?
As my mind grew heavy and slow, some small part of it was raising a warning.
…Ah, but this is a lot like you-know-what.
Yes. Exactly.
In my current state, I couldn’t wrap my mind around difficult concepts.
All I did know was how Edamoto-san felt.
When I recalled her cheeks that had flushed red so quickly, I smiled. “Right, it is.”
I knew, of course.
Even letting a single droplet spill into an endlessly vast and transparent sea would dye all of it in that color.
I knew that was love.