After that, the lecture finished, and the question of what to do next hung in the air.
Neither the girl nor I left the classroom immediately. There was something subtle holding us back, like we still had some baggage left behind. Even if I hadn’t been her upperclassman, this was probably one of those moments where I needed to make the first move, since I was older.
I felt conflicted, like the times I wasn’t sure who was supposed to hang up a phone first. Finally, I stood up. The girl also stood up, as though copying me.
“I want to tell you something, but it’s going to sound really sudden and bonkers,” she said.
“Um. Pardon?”
“After what happened earlier, I was so worried about what to do because you were on the bench next to me that I just sorta stopped crying. Haha…” The girl turned her eyes away for a moment but eventually faced me again. “So, that’s why I wanted to thank you.”
“I see…”
Oddly enough, even though I was being thanked for something I hadn’t done deliberately, it didn’t feel wrong. Maybe it was because of the girl’s bright voice and personality.
Just when I thought that was all she had to say, she kept going, “If you would be open to it, what would you think about grabbing a bite to eat after this?”
The girl was doing a pretty slapdash job of addressing me politely as she looked up at me. Our eyes were at slightly different heights when we faced each other. I usually went to eat with my friend, but I didn’t have plans that day.
The only one around was this girl.
“Sure,” I agreed, after thinking a bit. The girl burst into a smile like a blooming flower. Her tears were nowhere to be seen as the corners of her eyes and mouth softened. She was the very picture of springtime.
“Lead the way, Senpai,” she said lightly and stepped up to stand next to me.
“Senpai, huh…”
As I repeated her, a small chuckle escaped my lips. She seemed slightly puzzled by my response.
“It’s nothing.”
I had just recalled an underclassman I would never forget.
It was an easy enough task, since I had met up with her a handful of times recently. I might even see her more often than I did Touko these days. It was easier to meet with her—not just geographically but also mentally. Touko was a wonderful friend, and we had great conversations that put a smile on my face whenever we met, but I definitely still had reservations. There was a possibility those would remain for the rest of my life. Though time might heal all wounds, the sutures would leave a scar that couldn’t be erased.
But I definitely didn’t have regrets, even about the pain. It helped me remember the strength of the feelings I had during that time. That was much better than forgetting and letting it all fade away.
“Oh, right. What’s your name?” the girl asked me as we left the lecture hall.
At some point, when my name drifted into my thoughts, it had become properly written kanji characters—both my family name and my given name. I didn’t mind being called either, and I liked the sound of both of them.
It was a name I wanted to hold dear.
“Saeki Sayaka.”
I was sure the weather outside of the lecture building would be sunny again. So much so that I would want to stare at the sky for too long and let my thoughts soar through the distant blue.
✦ ✦ ✦
Even as a college student, or even further in the future, I might make mistakes again.
Regardless, I still wanted to know more about coming to love someone.
I wanted to run into love again.
✦ ✦ ✦
I could genuinely believe that, all because of the ones I had met so far.