For one thing, I hadn’t realized that someone who seemed so close by was actually walking so far ahead of me. And the way she had bared her soul to me just now… I was starting to fear this girl more and more.
“Riiight,” she mumbled again, looking up. Neither of us touched what was left of the juice. The girl swept her wet hair aside, tucking it behind her ear.
“I like being in the water,” she said softly.
“You just told me that.”
The girl giggled. “Well, if I’m in the pool, I don’t feel as hot when I look at you.”
With that, she closed her eyes, almost as though she were about to sleep. It was like she had said all she needed to say and was satisfied now. How selfish she was. I felt equal amounts of resentment and embarrassment bubbling up within me.
“………”
Is she being serious? Could she really be that oblivious?
Either way, facing her directly was too much right now. I couldn’t move away, so I tilted my head down and looked away.
Now it felt as if the muscles in my neck were becoming hot, too.
A chill ran down my spine, filling my restless body with something like fear.
As I sat there, I could hear something joining the hum of the vending machine: a low murmur arising inside me because of the girl at my side. That something, which I couldn’t quite pick out, was like the sound of waves on a wide, sandy beach. The indistinct sound took on a shape that was neither a triangle nor a rectangle as it tried to tell me something.
But I couldn’t find the answer before it melted into the bubbling heat.
Just as I’d told the girl, I started off my summer vacation by doing homework.
Other than not going to school, my daily life didn’t change much. I saw the maid more frequently, since she came in during the afternoon on weekdays. She was good at cleaning the house. Apparently, she had also been cleaning my room while I wasn’t at home.
“If you decide you want to clean your room yourself instead, just let me know.” She smiled, clearly hoping she wouldn’t have to do as much work.
After finishing my homework, I filled my free time by studying other things. When I finished doing that, too, I grew bored and went to look for the cats. The tortoiseshell cat would usually run away, but the piebald cat had started to get used to me and would jump onto my lap from time to time. I pet its back, feeling like I was making definite progress.
What else are you supposed to do during summer break, I wonder? Whenever my mind wandered, I’d start thinking about silly things, and sometimes my thoughts would gravitate towards that girl.
She was a strange girl, I thought. That was basically my whole impression of her, other than the caution that wove itself into the back of my mind. If I kept looking right at her, it felt like I might see something entirely new. It was like I had seen into a part of myself I didn’t know, as if I had gone underwater and couldn’t go back. But I was probably just being paranoid.
I didn’t know whether I wanted those changes to happen or wanted to run away from them. I wondered just how hot the palms of the girl’s hands felt.
Then it was Wednesday. The one day I now couldn’t help being painfully aware of.
When I headed out, it didn’t feel like I was going to swim class so much as that I was going to see that girl. It wasn’t about whether I liked her or not—it was more that I was being drawn towards her, somehow.
The cicadas were chirping along the road as always, the sun was strong, and the clouds gathered overhead. Somehow, though, it felt like the sunlight was even whiter than usual. Everything seemed fuzzy around the edges. I couldn’t make things out, even when I rubbed my eyes.
“Don’t tell me…”
I touched the corner of my eye.
Had my eyesight gotten a bit worse? The image of the notes on my desk came to mind. Maybe I had abused my eyes so much that they now specialized in seeing things that were close to me at the cost of those that were farther away.
Because I had focused on making myself better, there were things about me that had gotten worse. It reminded me of the feeling of pushing my fingers down on both sides of a scale.
I arrived at the swimming class building. I bet she’s here. Even before I went inside, I had a foreboding sense that she would be in the lobby again. The accumulating heat seemed to coil around my hair, so I shook it off as I went up the stairs.
It wasn’t coincidence that I kept running into that girl at the entrance; she had been waiting for me there. Sure enough, she was pushing up against the window again. There was a chair right next to her, but she showed no interest in sitting in it. And, of course, she didn’t have her school backpack on today.
I stared at her waiting back for a moment.
“Hello.” I think this might have been the first time that I was the one to greet her.
“Oh, Saeki-san!” She turned around immediately.
The girl seemed genuinely thrilled as she came over to my side. As she waved innocently, I wondered if her palms were already hot. If her back had started to sweat. If she would eventually figure out what those feelings really were. And whether I wanted to know the full extent of them.
The girl stood next to me as though it were exactly where she belonged. The receptionist, I noticed, was watching us with amusement. I felt like she was wrongly assuming we were close. We weren’t. At the very least, I didn’t think we had the kind of friendship that warranted someone staring at us and smiling.
“It’s so great being on summer vacation.”
“Is it?” As we headed to the changing room, I tilted my head at her. She seemed to want me to agree.
“I mean, I don’t really like school, anyway. Do you like school, Saeki-san?”
“Umm…”
When she put it that way, I supposed I didn’t dislike it. I never had to worry about being bored. I certainly had no idea what to do with myself during summer vacation.
We went into the changing room and stopped in front of the lockers like always, and she looked at me like she always did. She was watching me while I changed my clothes. Her gaze seemed to carry a different meaning to me now, and the awareness made my movements stiff. I tried my best not to show it, facing forward as I continued changing.
I locked the locker and, right as I turned to head to the pool, the girl cut in front of me. Of course, she hadn’t changed yet. She was still just looking at me.
“I’ll be there in a sec.”
“Sure.”
I passed her by. This was normal—just normal. We weren’t best friends forever or anything silly like that. And yet, she clearly considered me special.
The lesson started, and unlike in the changing room, I was the one following after her in the pool. I’d begun to recognize the difference in her superior swimming form. She didn’t learn from other people but still forged ahead. I was starting to realize that some people were just like that.
It did bother me, of course. But the coolness of the water placated me, calming me down.
I followed the instructor’s directions, doing laps back and forth across the pool. I made sure to move my body carefully in line with what I had been taught. As I came and went, I checked next to me, but I didn’t see her. Maybe she had passed me without my noticing. When I finished my lap, I touched my hand to the wall and surfaced.
“Ah!”
When I brought my face out of the water, she was right next to me. Apparently, she had gone across the lanes at some point to enter mine. Her goggles were on her forehead, leaving her eyes exposed. They were slick with water, just like her skin.
“Wh-what is it?”
“You’re the one who was looking at me. I thought you needed something.”
I could feel the other kids’ eyes on us. Should we really keep talking like this?
“I was just admiring your swimming.”
I gave her a straightforward excuse, trying to get her to go back to her lane quickly. But she responded with an easygoing “Aww, shucks, really?” as if she was pleased to hear the compliment. It seemed like she really didn’t care about the other people around her. I suppose the only exception was me—because I made her feel hot.
“You’re good at swimming, too, Saeki-san.”
“…Thanks.”
“But I don’t think your arms are in the right position when you push through the water.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Try it like this…”
She reached over to grab my arm and show me how to position it. But then she stopped halfway and withdrew. The girl stared at her own hand. It was so sudden, it felt as though time had stopped all around us.
“Um, hello…?”
When I spoke to her quietly, she didn’t say anything but just splashed her way back into her own lane. She stopped looking at me after that, and I tried not to look in her direction, either. Instead, I focused on where my arms were when I paddled the water. It didn’t feel like I was going any faster.