Since it wasn’t a light topic of conversation, the girl didn’t say anything else right away. After feeling out the atmosphere, she seemed to purposefully change the subject, adopting a cheerful tone of voice. “So, why were you asking about Nanami-san, anyway?”
“Huh?” I couldn’t immediately come up with a good excuse. A faint smile formed on the girl’s face at my disproportionately surprised reaction.
“Well, you seem pretty close, so I figured you could have just asked her directly…” she pointed out. This was reasonable enough; I probably didn’t need to go about it as though I was staging an investigation. But if I had asked Touko directly, she likely wouldn’t have told me, especially since one of her relatives had
passed away.
Should I really be snooping around asking other people about it behind her back? My conscience twinged. I probably shouldn’t have, but I was so curious that I couldn’t help myself. I felt like I still didn’t understand anything about Touko.
“Are you actually not that close?”
“Maybe not,” I murmured glumly, despite myself.
“No way. But aren’t you two always together?”
“Well, not always… Why, is that what the rumors say?”
“They’re not really rumors per se. More like your reputation, I guess? Two beautiful people next to each other are bound to draw attention. I didn’t realize the other one was Nanami-san, but I knew about you, Saeki-san.”
“Why did you only know about me?”
“Huh? Ah…” This time, it was the girl’s turn to draw back in surprise. Then she hid her mouth with the cover of her book. “Oh, you know, reasons…”
She was muttering something that almost sounded like an excuse, but I couldn’t quite make it out.
“Well…it saved me time not having to introduce myself, I suppose.”
I didn’t like being gossiped about, but apparently word was that I was always with Touko. I wasn’t sure if I should be angry or pleased about that. At any rate, I couldn’t keep interfering with their club activities, so I decided to leave before I overstayed my welcome.
The girl waved her hand slightly at me as she opened her book. “Um. See you later. Bye.”
“Yes, thanks for your help.”
Still reeling from the unexpected news, I hesitated over where to go once I stepped into the hallway. I had said I would go to the student council room right away, but I wasn’t confident that I could feign composure in front of Touko right now. For the time being, I started walking, though my vision was blurred and my mind racing.
I had discovered a version of Touko who was unremarkable, which I couldn’t imagine at all. The Touko I knew radiated exceptionality even when she was just sitting in the classroom. Fascinated by that, people gathered around her like moths to a flame.
I was one of them myself and was struggling to be more special to her than the rest. That was why I wanted to know even more about Touko. But now…
“Come to think of it…”
As I went down the stairs, I recalled a conversation from before. I wondered if the person Touko said she was a step or two behind in beauty might have been her sister. A sister who was almost exactly like Nanami Touko. I never knew her, but I was sure she must have been extraordinary. Especially if she really was like the current Touko.
It was possible, even, that Touko was intentionally imitating her dead sister. But why…? I could think up several reasons, but I wasn’t certain about any of them.
In the end, I had no way of knowing unless I asked Touko herself.
I wondered if the reason Touko was so particular about the student council play was related to her sister. This was the very thing that I had wanted to know someday—and that someday had abruptly arrived.
As my thoughts grew all the more muddled, I found myself in front of the student council room. Since I had said I would come, I couldn’t silently turn back. I doubted Touko would be angry at me, but if I broke a promise, no matter how trivial, it would hurt my own pride as well.
Thus, I entered the student council room. As usual, two of the upperclassmen were present, the president wasn’t, and then there was Touko.
“Oh, Sayaka’s here.” Touko, who had documents and files spread all over the table, broke out into a bright smile. Unlike me, she was her usual self, though that was to be expected. “Would you mind helping me out with some of this work?”
“Of course.”
I was less likely to overthink things if I was doing something. I put down my bag and sat next to Touko. She seemed in a good mood, possibly because her job had just been made easier.
“I think ‘I’m so glad Sayaka’s here’ at least once a day.”
“That’s quite an honor.”
I felt like I had given her a similar response once before. Normally, her compliment would have made my heart soar, but I was too distracted at the moment.
As I started my work, I glanced over at her face in profile. The perfect Nanami Touko. Tactful and courteous. Someone who would walk ahead of me.
If she was just imitating her older sister, I wondered where the real Touko was.
I had wondered before what would have happened if we had met in elementary school, but if Touko really was the way the girl had described, I wonder if I would have been drawn to her at all. During that time in particular, I had been so caught up in elevating myself, I might not have even bothered talking to her.
Then what about now? If Touko’s perfection was a facade, then what had captured my heart all this time? My hands turned over the files automatically as my mind churned about other matters. The student council and Touko’s sister. I could probably find answers if I looked into it further, but was that really something I should just go around investigating for my own selfish purposes?
If someone was digging into my past, I would find it unpleasant and would respond accordingly. But if it were Touko, I might be happy that she was trying to understand me. I doubted whether Touko would think of me in that way, but… Ah, my thoughts were getting a bit off track.
At any rate, snooping into someone’s past without permission was a bad thing. That was fundamental, and there was no way I could be swayed about that.
I could either step in and make my move or pretend I had never heard anything.
“………”
The fingers that held my pen filled with power and heat.
I didn’t need to torment myself for a night or two. The answer was already clear to me: When it came to Touko, I couldn’t resist the urge to know about her.
No matter what.