While I was stumped as to how to reply for a moment, Haru answered easily. “Oh, it was me.”
“I see,” Koito-san’s eyes went between Haru and me.
What is that look? As I was failing to gauge what it meant, Koito-san said to Haru, “Confessing is scary, isn’t it?”
Haru’s eyes went wide momentarily, but she immediately and deeply agreed, “Yeah, it is.”
Even though the two underclassmen had exchanged only a few sympathetic words, it seemed that they were understanding each other.
Though I had confessed my love once, I hadn’t felt scared about it.
I might not have had the capacity to feel that.
Or perhaps being afraid that our relationship would crumble had become so routine that I was numb to it by then.
I felt that I had been in love with Touko for an overly drawn-out time.
That was probably how I was different from these two.
In particular, when it came to dealing with Touko, I couldn’t even imagine Koito-san’s distress.
After all, Touko was so stubborn and insistent on having her own way.
And so…
“You’ve worked quite hard all this time.”
I respected her from the bottom of my heart. Thus, I coupled that sentiment with some simple words and delivered them to her.
“…Thanks.”
Koito-san, who accepted that with an ambiguous smile, gave me a demure yet certain answer.
My kohai, whom I’d seen as a child, was all grown up.
Grown up enough to surpass me.
“Mrr.” Haru’s eyebrows twitched.
“What’s wrong?”
When I tilted my head at her quizzically, Haru turned not to me but to Koito-san.
“Yuu-chan, do you meet with Sayaka-senpai often?”
When Haru asked that, Koito-san seemed to glance at me as she answered, “Pretty often, I guess.”
“Yes, I suppose we meet up quite a bit. I don’t have as many other people to meet with anymore.”
“Mrrr…”
For some reason, Haru had a complex expression on her face. She pouted her lips and squinted.
“Since fewer of us stayed around after high school than I expected.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
Even the underclassmen from the student council had scattered after graduating. All of them had chosen their own path, as well. Koito-san and I might be the only ones commuting from our parents’ homes.
Although, it seemed Koito-san frequently went to spend the night at Touko’s place.
“You’re going to spend the night there today, too, aren’t you?”
When I guessed right, Koito-san’s eyes darted around, which was a little entertaining.
“Like I said, how do you know?”
Where is it? Koito-san patted down her body as though trying to comprehend a puzzle.
Since the way she was flustered was so fun to watch, I decided I still wouldn’t tell until she figured it out herself.
“It’s a secret.”
As I went on smiling, I occasionally heard a “mrr…” that sounded like a groan from beside me.
“Sayaka-senpai, did anything ever happen between you and Yuu-chan?”
“Huh?”
After we had talked for a while and left Koito-san’s house, Haru expressed that suspicion.
Even so, I couldn’t think of anything that had happened—nor a single reason for her to suspect that.
“There’s nothing you need to be suspicious about.”
“Well, it just seemed like you were relaxed, or you were enjoying being with her, or something.”
“Being with friends is supposed to be enjoyable, though.”
I thought I had offered a very plain response, but Haru’s eyebrows twisted as though she couldn’t accept that.
“Koito-san isn’t that kind of person,” I insisted.
What I felt for her stopped at friendship and absolutely would not budge from there.
That way felt clear and comfortable, after all.
I knew love was a lot muddier, and for better or worse, difficult to see through.
“Then it’s fine, I guess.”
It didn’t seem fine. Her tone was low and dissatisfied.
But this murky flow between Haru and I was just further proof that it was different.
“She’s a friend—that’s all.”
“There isn’t a difference between friendship and love. Since cherishing someone is everything,” Haru plainly disagreed. “So when I think about my family or my friends, or even you, I consider all of you my cherished loved ones. I hate to put it this way, but I think of how I prioritize everyone, too.”
Then, she checked for my response by peering into my eyes. This was no exam, and I wasn’t Haru’s teacher, either. And so, I thought that this was one possible answer, nothing more or less. There was no right or wrong.
“So that’s how you think, then, Haru.”
“Mm, I guess so. You don’t?”
“Well, I don’t dislike the idea of keeping things in order.”
I gave the thing I was feeling a name and put it away on the shelf. That way, it would be easier to pull back out when I needed it. It might not keep things feeling fresh and new, but I thought it was the appropriate thing to do.
On the other hand, Haru was a person who entrusted herself to the torrent of unnamed emotions that came to her. Though our sense of values and thoughts didn’t align at all…she was still here by my side right now.
“Hmm…”
“What are you thinking about?”
For once, she was walking so slowly that she might have even ended up behind me.
“How many family members do you live with?”
“Four. I live with my parents and grandparents.”
“All right, my target is fifth place!”
Haru held up her hand with her fingers widely outstretched and showed it to me.
“Fifth?”
“That’s my goal for the ranking of the people important to you.”
“Oh, so that’s what you mean… In that case, I also have two cats at home.”
“Cats, huh… So you’ve got cats…”
The fingers of her left hand slowly started to rise. She seemed to be hesitating over whether to put them down.
“My target is fifth place!”
It looked like she wasn’t going to compromise on that.
“Good luck.”
The cats were going to be tough to beat. I pictured the two cats, who had been with us so long that they were reaching old age, having a peaceful afternoon nap. That included the time I would run after them in elementary school.
“So in order to do that, first I’ll—I’ll…I’ll…”
“What are you going to do?” As Haru bobbed her head in sync with her distress, I teased her. Finally, she stuck her hand into her bag.
“Hey, want some candy?”
“You know what…” I rolled my eyes as Haru offered a strawberry candy to me. But, I took one anyway.
When I put the triangular pink hard candy into my mouth, my cheeks felt like they were puckering from the sweet-and-sour taste.
“I feel like trying to buy your favor one candy at a time is going to be pretty tough,” Haru said, popping a candy into her mouth as well. “Since I’m not sweet, after all. My fingers aren’t sweet to taste, and they wouldn’t bring you happiness.”
“That almost sounds deep.”
“Nah, I’m just saying whatever comes to mind.”
While she rolled the candy in her mouth, Haru smiled.
“But, even if it’s not as much as your family, if I’m not at least a little important to you…it’d just make me uneasy, you know?”
She sped up as she spoke her mind. It was like the small dissatisfaction of a child.