More importantly, why the hell was Tsuzuki digging up my dirty laundry, anyway? This was no freak coincidence, either—I checked his search history and found even more of my videos listed there. My one-day trial experience in an idol group, that time I rode in an aerobatic aircraft…all the ones that took the most physical stamina.
Anyway, this was no time for me to be waxing nostalgic about the good old days. Was he trying to gather dirt on me so he could rub it in my face? Did I piss him off or something? Because I was having trouble seeing this in an even remotely positive light. You conniving little bastard, I thought to myself like a total hypocrite. Just so you know, you can try to humiliate me all you want, but I’m just gonna shrug it off.
“Oh hey, you actually stayed!” Tsuzuki called as he walked back down the stairs. “Sorry about that. Took me a while to find a cold pack.” He noticed me fiddling with his tablet, and yet he didn’t seem bothered in the slightest. “Do you know him?”
“Hmm?” This raised my suspicions, since it felt like a trick question…and yet his tone was entirely casual.
“Kunieda Kei. He’s a news anchor for Asabi TV, usually on the evening timeslot.”
“Hmm…” Seriously, what was his angle?
“I actually feel kinda bad.”
“Hmm.”
“Is that all you know how to say?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“Fine, forget it… Anyway, yesterday I was doing this interview for some other TV station, and I met this other male news anchor. He was kind of like Kunieda-san, all friendly and stuff…but the second I stepped away, he whirled around and started tearing his assistant director a new asshole. Kicked him in the shin.”
His expression hardened as though he were reliving the memory all over again.
“I overheard him saying crap like, ‘Go play in traffic, shit-for-brains!’ You wanna know why? Because the guy bought him the wrong brand of mineral water. And I was like, ‘Jesus Christ, dude. Would it kill you to drink different water?’ You know? Like, who the hell kicks a guy over that kind of minor inconvenience? Not only that, but I heard him call our interview ‘a boring waste of time.’ But when I walked back in, magically he was all smiles again! Made me sick to my stomach, honestly.”
“Maybe he was having a bad day,” I offered. I wasn’t trying to defend the guy; I just meant that…well…that sort of low-level abuse wasn’t exactly uncommon. And not just in this particular industry, either.
“I mean, sure, maybe. But it still pissed me off. Made me think about all the people who treated me like dirt when I was just starting out, only for them to oh-so-conveniently change their tune as soon as my career started to take off, you know what I mean? I realized that maybe I wasn’t as over it as I thought. And at that point, I got so fed up with myself that I could barely get any work done. So there I was, sulking in bed, when Kunieda-san showed up to do his interview. And I couldn’t help but think, like, great, is this guy gonna bully his assistants, too?”
“Ouch. Harsh.” C’mon, man. I had nothing to do with that other guy.
“Yeah, I know. But anyway…there was this moment where the assistant director’s tripod snagged on Kunieda-san’s briefcase. Stuff went everywhere. But Kunieda-san—he didn’t get upset. If anything, he was worried it might’ve smashed the guy’s toes.”
ROFL. Man, I’m so glad I’m wearing this surgical mask so he can’t see my shit-eating grin right now. He’s completely bought my little act! Hook, line, and sinker! What a schmuck!
No matter how worthless and easily replaceable they were as subcontractors, there was no value in beating up an assistant director. After all, there was still a tiny chance they might grow up into someone important someday—just like there was a 1-in-1,000 chance that any given baby sea turtle would survive to adulthood.
It was starting to feel like Tsuzuki didn’t fully grasp even the most laughably basic of survival skills, and for that I pitied him. What a sad, sheltered little man.
“So then,” he continued, “I spot this book on the floor. It’s a dictionary—and not just any dictionary, but an intonation dictionary. I didn’t know news anchors even studied up on that stuff.”
“Hmm.” I got the sense it would be weird to stay quiet, so I nodded vaguely.
“What, you knew that?”
He leaned in closer and stared at me. I hastily leaned away. “No!”
“Hmph. Anyway, the book was practically falling apart, and it had a bunch of tabs sticking out of it, and I thought… Y’know, maybe this guy’s not who I thought he was. So then I searched him up and watched some of his videos. Honestly, I thought being a newscaster was all about acting self-important and reading a script without flubbing it, but this guy? He puts 110 percent effort into everything he does, no matter what. I was actually really impressed.”
God, I’m so glad you’re stupid. It’s going to make the rest of this film project so much easier.
“Next time I see him, I wanna apologize. You think he’ll forgive me?”
Dude, you don’t have to apologize. You’ll just make everything awkward. But I didn’t feel like trying to explain that to him, so instead I said, “Yeah, probably.”
“You really think so?”
“Let it go already,” I snapped back on reflex. “If you’re only apologizing so he’ll forgive you, then don’t freakin’ bother. Only do it if you mean it.”
“Whoa.” He stared at me intently. Naturally, this made me panic internally. “You know, for an asshole, you make a really good point.”
“Screw you.”
“No, seriously, you’re right. I should apologize because it’s the right thing to do.” With this deep, dark secret finally off his chest, Tsuzuki’s whole face lit up. Then he offered me his cold pack.