When I got home that night, the first thing that came to mind was: Man, I’m hungry.
Not that my two-hour full-course meal was on the skimpy side by any means, but it was too “classy” to have any real substance, and my mouth wanted more. Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything edible in the fridge, so I donned my usual disguise and started thinking about grabbing a snack at the convenience store…when all of a sudden, my personal phone rang. I figured it was my mother again, so I answered it.
“What do you need?”
“Oh, hey, I finally got it!” said Tsuzuki on the other end of the line. I could scarcely believe my ears. “Fourth time’s the charm, I guess! Maybe my brain’s good at memorizing stuff after all. Soooo…are you still mad at me?”
“Excuse me?” My surprise quickly turned to anger. He was making it sound like I was the one throwing a hissy fit for no reason!
“I’m sorry for what I said, all right?”
“Take your apology and shove it.”
“That’s fine. I’m not apologizing just so you’ll forgive me, remember? You’re the one who taught me that.”
“Now I’m hyper-pissed.”
“Ha ha!”
“So what do you want?”
“Wanna eat some chicken with me? Picked some up from that place I was telling you about a while back. I already had a fancy dinner, but for some reason it feels like I hardly ate.”
Why did he have to have the same idea I did? I paused for a beat.
“Okay.”
✦ ✦ ✦
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until I arrived that I had the world’s most idiotic realization: Damn it, how am I supposed to eat with this surgical mask on? Luckily, there were ways around this. I took my chicken, put it on my plate, and turned away from Tsuzuki completely.
“Hey, c’mon! Are you seriously still mad at me?”
“I don’t like to be watched while I eat!”
“How come?”
I thought about clapping back with something like “Do I really need a reason?” but then I remembered our conversation back at the French place and decided to embellish the truth a little. “I’ve got really bad snaggleteeth. Crooked as hell. That’s why I wear the mask.”
“Oh. I thought you were just scared of getting sick.”
“That’s another part of it. Anyway, just don’t try to look at my mouth, all right? Not even as a joke. You’ll make me…feel bad.”
I almost said make me mad, but I figured this would be more effective.
Tsuzuki looked at me intently. “Okay.”
Perfect. With my back turned to him, I sank my teeth into the saucy chicken and ascended to nirvana. It was everything I could have ever wanted, right down to the bitter burnt aftertaste. The chili oil from the spicy scallions stung my nose and made me sneeze, but I kept eating.
“Owari?”
“What do you want? I’m busy. Leave me alone.”
“If you’re that embarrassed about your teeth, have you ever thought about getting them fixed? It’s not too late, you know…though I have heard it hurts like hell.”
“Nah.”
“Why not? If you’re hard up for cash, I can spot you some… Oh, wait, you said you’ve got plenty of money. My bad.”
“What? Don’t lend money to a total stranger. How stupid are you?” My irritation grew pointed, like the tip of a freshly sharpened pencil. It’s a lie, okay? Don’t get all bent out of shape about it. Just knock it off, dumbass.
“You’re the one who tried to give me money when we first met!”
“That’s not the same thing and you know it. Honestly, I’m amazed you’ve managed to be self-employed for this long without somebody scamming you.”
“I don’t go around offering money to just anybody!” Tsuzuki argued. “I only offered it to you because I figured I wouldn’t mind if you didn’t pay me back!”
“Well, I’m not taking your money.”
“So, what, you’re just going to wear a mask for the rest of your life?”
At this point, I was seeing red.
“And what if I do?!” I shouted, my back still turned to him, flinging my used chicken skewers to the floor, where they landed without even so much as a pathetic thump. “Yes, I’m gonna wear a mask! For my whole life! Forever! Who cares?! What business is it of yours?!”
Then I imagined what it would be like to keep my true self buried under that fake “Kunieda Kei” mask for the rest of my life…never pausing to care about anyone but myself… The thought made me sick with dread.
Who even is Kunieda Kei? For that matter, who’s the guy Tsuzuki’s been hanging out with all this time? Who’s sitting here right now? Who the hell am I anymore?
Overwhelmed, I hiked up my surgical mask and headed for the door, but this time he grabbed me by the arm before I could make it outside.
“Just slow down a minute.”
“Don’t touch me! Let go!”
“Calm down and tell me what’s gotten into you all of a sudden!”
“I just wanna go home! You got a problem with that?!”
“No, I don’t have a problem with it. I just want to know why. Is it really something worth storming out over? I know it was a personal question, but don’t you think you’re overreacting?”
“Screw you!”
“Owari!”
“Just shut up! Shut up! Shut up!”
That’s not even my name. Then again, I’m not “Kunieda-san,” either… Wait, what? God help me, I’m falling apart.
My hair, my face, my gestures, my speech patterns, once neatly ordered like the pages of a calendar, now scattered in every direction. Why? Where did it all start to unravel? Wait, I know. It was that night I first met Tsuzuki. Yeah, it’s all his fault.
He reached up and pulled my hands away from my ears. Then I noticed his nails were splattered with dried paint, and the thought of all those soulless clay figures—and the lonely little astronaut—made tears spill down my face.
“Whoa, hey…”
“It’s your fault!”
Before now, my life was perfect. With my good looks and successful career, all I really had to do was keep quiet about one little secret. I never would’ve thought to make friends with someone without my persona to hide behind—and I never would’ve had to confront my own darkness—if only I’d never met him.
“Fine, I can accept that…but if you don’t use your words and tell me where I’m going wrong, I can’t fix it.”
How can I possibly tell you? It’ll ruin everything! If I told you your precious “Kunieda-san” is actually a snarky slob who’s been lying to your face…that I’m every bit as hollow as your clay figures and paper mâché set pieces…you’d hate me! Revile me! Throw me out!
Pursing my lips tightly together, I silently shook my head.
His fingers clamped down around mine. “Are you sure you can’t trust me? Because if you can’t open up and speak your mind around me, then…why the hell do you come to my house?”
As I stood there in silence, Tsuzuki’s expression twisted in a marbled mixture of anger, frustration, and sadness.
“To be fair,” he said, “I started all this when I dragged you here the first night. But you’re the one who kept coming by. Even when I ran out of tasks for you. Am I wrong in thinking you have fun hanging out with me? Because it’s fun for me, too.”
“Fun?” I thought I just wanted to slack off…but now that I think of it, I don’t remember what the difference is.
“It’s…easy,” I muttered finally.
“Huh?”
“Or rather, it used to be.”
“But not anymore?”
“No,” I snapped. “Now it makes me think about stuff I’d rather not. And it’s your fault.”
“What do you mean, stuff you don’t want to think about?”
“Not telling.”
“Tell me.”
“Why should I?”
“Because I want to know. I want to learn more about you.”
Tsuzuki’s eyes peeked through his messy bangs—a look neither “Kunieda-san” nor “Owari” had seen before. For a moment, I found myself lost in them, admiring their beauty…and before I knew it, his face drew closer. So close I couldn’t see his eyes anymore. Then I felt the polyester fabric press up against my lips…and a beat later, I realized he had kissed me through my mask.
With just a single thin barrier between us, it highlighted just how warm and soft his lips were. I could feel his hot breath penetrate to the other side. My body shivered.
Then I felt his fingers slide behind my ear…and the second I realized he was going to take my mask off, I slapped him in the face as hard as I could.
“Agh…!”
“The hell are you thinking?! You stupid freak! I’m gonna puke!”
Then, before he could recover, I dashed outside and down the street—the fastest I’d ever run in my whole life. My heart swelled. Stung. Ached.
Good, I thought to myself. Maybe this way I’ll be too distracted to think of anything else.