Pacifica wrapped her towel around her and sat on a rock.
“I was abandoned when I was a baby,” she said matter-of-factly.
Elfitine blinked. “What?”
Pacifica waved an arm, as if gesturing to her entire body. “Haven’t you noticed that I don’t look anything like Shannon or Raquel?” she asked. “My real parents got rid of me.”
Elfitine stared at her, unsure how to respond. Pacifica’s words were so unbothered that she sounded like she was describing another person’s problems.
“I always knew I was adopted,” Pacifica continued, “but when my dad died a little while ago, he left me a letter that told me about how my real parents abandoned me. I know he’d never lie to me about something like that, but somehow I just couldn’t accept it.”
“You couldn’t?”
“I guess… it got me thinking about my birth parents, and that made me feel like everything I’d been through with my mom and dad and Shannon and Raquel wasn’t real. It was like I had to choose—either I was the baby who’d been abandoned in my father’s letter, or I was the little sister of Raquel and Shannon. I guess I thought that being one meant giving up the other.” She smiled at Elfitine. “I spent a lot of time worrying about that.”
Elfitine could feel Pacifica’s gaze on her, but she could barely manage to look her in the eye. Pacifica’s will was so strong. Elfitine couldn’t even be herself—she’d given up the person she was for Reynard. Hearing about Pacifica’s struggle to find her real self was almost more than she could bear.
Tears welled up in Elfitine’s eyes. Had she ever thought her situation through? She had never tried to establish her personality in the first place. Maybe she had been so obsessed with clinging to Reynard’s back that she hadn’t ever tried to stand on her own two feet. Maybe there was no such thing as the real Elfitine.
If only I could be strong, like Pacifica…
Pacifica gave a start. “What’s wrong?” she asked worriedly. “I’m sorry! Did I offend you or something?”
“N-no. It’s not you, really.” Elfitine wiped her eyes. “Please go on.”
Pacifica looked troubled for a moment, but then she continued. “It’s just that… I was curious about how you felt when you found out, and how you managed to accept your situation, Elfi.”
Elfitine could tell that Pacifica was looking for an answer to something, and she wished that she could give it to her. She’d never felt worse for being a fraud.
“Well… in my case I was always unusual,” Elfitine mumbled at last.
“Oh. You mean that ‘reading time’ thing?”
Elfitine nodded. “Yes. But my ability doesn’t really work the way Sir Ganvas says it does. I can’t control the things I see, and most of the time I don’t see anything pleasant. I see a lot of scenes where people are getting hurt or dying.”
Elfitine risked a glance at Pacifica, waiting for the girl to turn away in fear or disgust, but praying from the bottom of her soul that Pacifica wouldn’t. Pacifica was the only one who’d seen her true self. If Elfitine lost her, she felt like her real self would simply cease to exist.
“Oh yeah, I think my mother told me about that before she died. She called people with that kind of ability, um… Picureans?”
Elfitine’s mouth actually hung open. Pacifica spoke with no emotion other than friendly interest.
“M-Mauserists call us ‘Spawn,’” Elfitine stuttered. Although they were rare, there were some people in the world who could perform unusual phenomena without magic. These abilities were innate, and usually couldn’t be duplicated by anyone else. They were built into the person’s mind from birth.
Since the church feared the risk innate powers posed to their organization, they insisted that these “undeserved” powers were bestowed on some people by the evil Lord Browning. Most people considered abilities like Elfitine’s to be marks of evil; there was a good chance Elfitine would have been shunned even if she hadn’t foreseen so many horrible events. It was little surprise that a Picurean could easily end up at the center of a heretical group.
However, in recent years, a small number of Picureans were employed in the Intelligence Division and military Special Forces. With ties to the soldiers and royal family, the Mauserist leadership toned down their denunciation of Picureans.
Elfitine gave Pacifica a beseeching look. “People have always disliked me because of what I can do. They were afraid that I would predict their deaths. I always knew I was different, so when Sir Ganvas told me that I was the Scrapped Princess, I guess I just believed him. Everybody else believes that’s who I am, anyway. That made it easier to accept.”
“I see.”
“Pacifica . . Elfitine swallowed. “Aren’t you afraid of me?”
“I don’t believe in prophecies,” Pacifica said, a little more forcefully than Elfitine would’ve expected. “Although I guess if somebody told me I was going to die tomorrow, and I knew they were right, it would probably be good to know ahead of time. If you knew when you were going to die, you could make sure you took care of everything you wanted to do.”
Elfitine trembled. “Y-you really think so?” she whispered.
“Sure.” Pacifica shrugged. “But I guess I’m used to abnormal stuff. Just look at my family. Shannon can beat a whole army of thugs by himself, and Raquel can do almost anything with magic. Somebody catching a few glimpses of the future doesn’t seem like a big deal to me.” She gave Elfitine a wide grin and a pat on the shoulder.
Elfitine stared helplessly into Pacifica’s blue eyes. She could tell that they understood each other. Pacifica knew what it was like to hate herself, but somehow she’d managed to grow beyond it. Somehow she’d managed to climb out of the dark pit of self-hatred.
In her smile, Elfitine thought she could see the way out of the pit.
Tears flowed over Elfitine’s cheeks. She couldn’t have stopped them for anything.
“Ack!” Pacifica started waving her hands frantically. “Don’t start crying again. It’ll look like I was picking on you!”
Elfitine grinned at the other girl despite her tumbling tears. She was so glad to have met someone like Pacifica.