“What did I do to deserve this?” I muttered, throwing handfuls of grass onto the fire.
The grass from the sandbank was full of moisture, so burning it produced a ton of thick smoke and made my eyes water.
Whatever you do, don’t look up, I reminded myself.
I had no choice in the matter. Otoha and Shino were bathing in their makeshift barrel tub, which was mounted over a U-shaped concrete gutter—another one of Otoha’s strange finds. Both of them were stark naked.
Shino awkwardly cleared her throat. “Hey, um, Otoha...”
“Yeah?”
“Th-The water’s just delightful, isn’t it?”
“Sure is. Hear that, firekeeper?”
“Uh, yep! Don’t mention it!” I shouted a little too loudly.
Never thought I’d help someone set up a barrel tub, but there’s a first time for everything, I guess. To be fair, the water here’s clean and plentiful, so might as well put it to good use. Hygiene aside, regular bathing also helps mask our scents.
“You could’ve gone in by yourself, you know? Why drag me into this?”
“I’m doing you a favor, Miss ‘Nooo, I can’t go in alone! That’d be the end of me!’”
“I-In my defense, Hiroaki is a... a...” Shino’s stammering easily reached my ears despite the thick veil of smoke between us.
By the way, I had been politely advised to look away as they were undressing.
“A perv? What else is new?”
“I’m still here, you know!”
“Do you deny screaming ‘Feast your eyes on this!’ at the top of your lungs as you unveiled your monstrous bulge with an equally monstrous grin on your face?”
“You had me backed into a corner, and it was a one-off thing!” My eyes came dangerously close to flickering upward, but I quickly covered them, safely avoiding a catastrophe.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
Why you gotta do me like this, Shino?
“Exactly what you think it means. We’ve explored each other’s naked bodies many times over, leaving no speck of skin unturned.”
“Again with this crap?!”
“I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. Hiroaki, he... he... I’m sorry,” Otoha said, her voice quivering as though she was about to burst into tears.
“There, there. You’re safe now. Now tell me, what did he—”
“I literally just checked her for bite marks! I’m innocent!” I yelled before Otoha could besmirch my good name any further. “You’re the one who brought it up in the first place! I didn’t do anything weird, I promise!”
“Weird? What d’you mean?”
You’re purposefully trying to get under my skin, aren’t you, Otoha?
“Hiroaki’s pervy proclivities aside, you did the right thing, Shino. You get to wash off the zombie gunk and your scent at the same time.”
“Erm, yay me?”
“Oh, and one other thing.” Otoha’s tone became just a shade more sinister, though it was so subtle even I could scarcely tell the difference. “Your boobs look heavy. Let me give you a hand.”
“Huh?! What are you—aah!”
“What’s going on up there?!”
Let me in on the fun too! Wait, no, that’s not what I mean!
“Two can play at that game!” It sounded like Shino was going on the offensive. “Take this, and that!”
“Shino, did you just...?”
“I-I didn’t mean to!”
Didn’t mean to what? Inquiring minds want to know!
A strong desire to sneak a quick peek welled up inside me, but in light of the shovel resting against the barrel, I immediately quashed it.
What could they be doing in there?
My imagination was running wild.
I can feel a nosebleed coming on, and the smoke’s making my head spin. It’d be a shame if I were to pass out. A shame, indeed. I need to reign in my imagination. Now, how can I do that? I take a quick peek, of course. Sounds like a plan, and a brilliant one at that!
Conveniently, I had my trusty pocket mirror stashed away, the one I used for zombie-spotting.
Just one little glance, I promise. Please forgive me. Apologizing to no one in particular, I reached for the pocket mirror, only to have it caught midair.
“Where did you—?!”
It was none other than Tetsuko, who slowly shook her head without saying a word, as though admonishing a child.
I get it, I get it! Please just let go. It hurts! Like, a lot! What’s up with that grip?!
“Hiroaki...” I instinctively looked up and saw Shino and Otoha looking at me with scorn, their heads poking out from the side of the barrel.
✦ ✦ ✦
“Perv.”
“Shame on you.”
“I-I can explain!”
In what could only be described as an act of karmic irony, the pocket mirror slipped out of my hand, landing to the ground with a loud thud.
Begging it is.
“Have mercy!”
“All I have for you is death.”
Otoha grabbed her shovel and began relentlessly dumping scoops of hot water on me.
“Hot, hot, hooooot!”