And so, the fight for the fifth orb, a Monster Duel, became a one-on-one battle: Aria vs. Justice Katou.
Wataru returned his borrowed deck to Justice Katou and left the ring. Aria, now alone, was as cool as a cucumber in an Alaskan icebox in January as she prepared for battle.
“Now then, little lady... What’s your name?”
“My name’s Aria!” Aria stated her name with all the confidence of a world champ, her metal accessories clattering as she shook with excitement.
“Hm... Hear me, little Aria! I’ll have you know that I do not go easy on women!”
He whipped out his deck from inside his coat in one perfectly smooth motion.
Aria readied her deck as well. “Understood! That’s fine with me!”
There was a moment of silence. Inside the Toys ‘B’ We, it was as quiet as the calm before the storm.
Justice Katou shattered the silence with a wild, ferocious yell that echoed off the ceiling. “Here I go! Start the Duel!!”
Finally—finally!—the Duel began!
“I go first!” Aria laid her shuffled deck on the table and drew five cards! She looked carefully at each one!
.......................................I have no idea which card’s the strongest!
Yes, Dear Readers! No matter how much of an expert Aria was in playing with boys’ toys, it was her first time playing this card game, so she of course had no idea how to judge the strength of her cards!
Furthermore! Her deck was assembled from the passed-off playthings of neighborhood children, with absolutely no thought or intention put into its arrangement! She had no idea what sort of cards she had! On top of that, her cards were milquetoast monster varieties like “Orc,” “Slime,” “Harpy,” “Goblin,” and “Pervert”!
.........Hold on, “Pervert”? The heck is that!?
Aria was surprised to find the “Pervert” card in her deck! On the card was an illustration of a middle-aged man naked from the waist-up, and only wearing a skimpy pair of white briefs on his lower half!
Y-Yeah, definitely a pervert...! This is just a deck I pulled together at random, but to think that a weird card like this would be in here...!
The card game was called “Monster Duel,” so what would a human, a non-monster, be doing mixed in among these cards? ...I suppose some may consider this “Pervert” to be a monster as well!
Wh-Which should I choose? ...The Harpy is a “fairy type,” so that has to be strong, right? Or might the Slime be surprisingly powerful? No, I doubt it...
As Aria carefully looked over each of her cards, she found her eyes being drawn to one card and one card alone!
I want... to use the Pervert...! I’ve gotta see what summoning some rando in his underpants does...!
Aria found herself completely overcome with an intense desire to use this joke card, this “Pervert,” despite the fact that this battle would decide the fate of the orb!
“What’s taking so long, li’l missy? Hurry up and summon your monster!” Justice Katou had grown quite impatient with Aria’s slow assessment of her cards! He shook his head, flashing his red mohawk at her as he urged her to speed up!
“Very well! I... have decided!” Aria had made up her mind, and was holding a single card up into the air!
“I shall summon—this one!!”
Aria thrust it forward towards the center of the ring, and it began to glow with a brilliant light! In the center of the ring appeared a slightly overweight man wearing nothing but a pair of tighty-whities!
“Y-You chose... the Pervert!?” Justice Katou’s mouth dropped in shock upon seeing Aria’s monster! But his surprise was not because Aria had chosen a joke card!
“I see what you’re doing... You’ve got pretty good instincts for this being your first Duel, missy! The Pervert has a lot of secret powers because of its Perversity attribute!”
Résistance furrowed her brow and tilted her head in confusion!
“Huh, ‘perversity’...?”
“Yes! Each monster has a wide array of attributes! The Orc Wataru summoned earlier has high Beastly points! Which means it has high physical attack and defense, but it has no resistance against magical attacks! The Pervert that Aria summoned has high Perversity, which means that it can flexibly alter its attack patterns to deal with any foe! A very tricky monster!”
“Interesting... The game’s more complex than I thought!” Résistance was sincerely impressed by Justice Katou’s explanation!
“Sweet, now it’s my turn!” Justice shouted and lifted one card from his hand into the air!
“From the Deepest Depths of Darkness I summon thee! Inflame thyself with the Fires of Wrath! ‘Black-Eyed Blue Cyclops’!!”
The card gave off a brilliant light, and another monster was summoned into the ring! He had chosen the Cyclops as his monster!
The Monster’s body was more muscular than a bodybuilder’s and paler than glacier ice! Its one massive eye was pure black, and in its hand it carried an enormous club!
Even before the fighting began, it was clear who was going to win!
“All right! Let the battle begin! Let’s go, Aria!”
“Yeah!”
Aria nodded with incredibly serious intensity, and sent orders flying to her Monster, the Pervert, immediately!
“Mr. Pervert! Charge!”
The half-naked, middle-aged man began his assault on the enormous, demonic beast in front of him without so much as a twinge of terror! He lifted his right arm high into the air and slammed it into the monster!
It was a direct hit against the thick musculature of Black-Eyed Blue Cyclops! But his fist made only the quietest, pathetic thump! against that meaty bulk!
“Hey there, Mr. Pervert! What the heck was that lame-o punch! Couldn’t even kill a fly with a hit like that!”
Wataru ground his teeth in frustration as he watched from outside the ring! If Wataru were to fight the Cyclops one-on-one, it would have all been over in an instant!
But that’s not how these Monster Duels work!
“Oh shoot! I forgot to say this earlier, but players can’t touch their own monsters or their opponent’s!”
“Roger that!” That meant that even if the Cyclops pulverised the Pervert into smithereens, Aria was forbidden from using healing magic to fix him up!
“Sweet, now it’s my turn! Let him have it, Cyclops!” ‘Crazy Super Smash of Annihilation’!!”
He shouted the name of the attack with every fiber of his being, and then the Cyclops, which had been still and quiet until that moment, suddenly began to move!
“Grrrrrraaaaaaaaaaaaw!!” Its infernal, guttural roar reverberated throughout all of Toys ‘B’ We! The Cyclops lifted the massive club up with its right hand and charged right for Aria’s Pervert!”
“Mr. Pervert! Do something, please!”
Aria screamed out of desperation, but her monster was a mere human, however perverted may he be! Against a monster with an overwhelming physical advantage, how could he possibly ‘do something’!?
Just as expected, the Pervert could only look from side to side expressionlessly, retreat a few steps away from the Cyclops, and go no further! The enormous club mercilessly walloped him directly in the rib cage!! Crack! A sharp, meaty sound followed the hit, and the Pervert fell face-down on the ring’s mat!
“How you like that! That’s the power of the Crazy Super Smash of Annihilation! It took me a whole night to think of that name!”
Justice Katou had one fist thrust into the air as he gloated! If it took him a whole night to think of that, I think we can all agree that he has no sense at all when it comes to naming things! None whatsoever!
“M-Mr. Pervert! Please don’t die! Stand up, Mr. Pervert!”
Aria punched the air as she tried to encourage the Pervert! It was quite unprecedented in all the great and long history of Light Novels for a heroine to be cheering on a half-naked, perverted middle-aged man!
“Hey, whoa—it can’t be over already...?”
“Th-This is bad! At this rate, we’ll never get that orb...!”
Résistance and Wataru were despairing already! But Dear Readers, don’t give up on them yet!
After all... it was then that Aria realized “something”!
“H-Hold on, please! The battle isn’t over!!”
What’s this? The Pervert, lying face-down on the mat—his cheeks were red, and he was laughing!
“Huh!? What is going on here!?”
Wataru was yet again confused! The Pervert slowly stood up! It made a most disgusting, lecherous smile, opened its mouth, and... “Heh heh... heh heh heh...” let out a creepy little laugh!
“It’s... laughing...? That skeevy dude is laughing at a time like this?” Résistance was puzzled by this unexpected development!
“Hey, Cyclops! Don’t just stand there! Keep hitting him!”
At Justice Katou’s command, his monster began slapping the Pervert’s face with a palpable intensity!
Whack! Whack! Whack!
A critical hit! The Pervert was thrown to the side, and again collapsed down onto the mat!
Yet even that was not the end!
He rubbed his swollen cheeks and stood up yet again! From his mouth was heard that familiar laugh! “Heh... heh heh...”
“Wh-Why’s it acting like that! It’s freakin’ creepy!!”