Chapter 38:
The Personal Tale of a Fool
QUEEN CATALINA’S SOBBING ECHOED THROUGHOUT the throne room. I hadn’t expected this to happen—in fact, I’d hoped to make her laugh. Princess Valiele and I had performed a comedic skit that parodied Queen Catalina and Lord Reckenbell’s antics. I’d thought that acting it out would earn a laugh or two.
“Ah, yes, Reckenbell and I once stole roses when I was a child. That certainly takes me back,” Queen Catalina would say.
Cue the laughter that would brighten the mood. But it seemed my gift had affected the queen far more than I’d expected. I suspected that Queen Catalina simply hadn’t understood Lord Reckenbell’s deep love for her until now. I empathized with her fully. Perhaps I wasn’t so different from her.
“Oh, Reckenbell…” Queen Catalina murmured.
She continued to weep while Princess Valiele was at a loss. Even the high-ranking bureaucrats and knights gathered in the throne room all froze with bewilderment. Only an elderly lady dared to approach the queen. The old woman drew close and opened her mouth. I wasn’t sure of her age, but I’d been told that she was the Minister of War, and her shrewdness couldn’t be underestimated. Crown Princess Anastasia warned me about her.
“Your Majesty, you’re troubling your guests,” the minister said gently.
“I know. I know that,” Queen Catalina said. She removed her hands from her face and looked up. “But the tears just won’t stop. Why was I unable to realize and respond to Reckenbell’s love?”
I’d hoped for laughter, but instead, I’d made the queen cry. I thought it would be best if I remained silent. After all, I was the one who’d killed Lord Reckenbell. Maybe I’d just made the queen angry, and my actions had been completely pointless. Still, my mouth refused to listen to my thoughts.
“Queen Catalina,” I said.
“What, Faust von Polidoro?” Her Majesty replied. “Do you still have something that you’d like to say?”
“I do, Your Majesty.” I remained kneeling and nodded slightly. “I would like to tell you a personal story.”
“Excuse me?”
“It’s the tale of a certain fool who failed to realize their mother’s love until her dying moments.”
The queen’s tears continued to flow.
“Are you talking about me?” she asked. She sounded a touch self-deprecating. “I only realized Reckenbell’s love two years after her passing, after all.”
“As I said before, it’s a personal story,” I replied. “No, I’m talking about myself.”
“You?” she inquired.
Yes, me, I thought. It’s the story of a single foolish man.
“I only hope that this can help stop your tears, Queen Catalina,” I said.
I’d kept this story deep within my heart for many years, and I lived every day full of regrets. I wanted to tell the tale of my mother and of me, a man who was foolish to no end.
“Very well,” the queen relented. “I shall listen to your story. Stop my tears if you can.”
“Thank you,” I replied. Upon receiving her permission, I started my story. “My mother, Marianne von Polidoro, gave birth to me, her eldest son. Her husband passed away soon after, and she remained single ever since.”
“Did your mother not remarry?” Queen Catalina asked. “I’m aware of Anhalt’s customs. The eldest daughter must succeed the fief.”
“As a lord, perhaps it was her duty to take a new husband. But my mother didn’t do that.”
Helga, my chief squire, had told me about it.
“My mother was sickly,” I explained. “Perhaps she thought that it’d be difficult for her to bear another child. Or perhaps she loved my late father so much that she refused to fall in love with another man. I’m not entirely sure of her reason, but no matter the case, my mother didn’t remarry.”
To this day, I wasn’t privy to my mother’s thoughts, and I had no means of contacting the dead.
“And then she taught me how to wield the spear and the sword,” I said.
“But Anhalt’s customs dictate…” the queen started.
“Indeed. My upbringing was extremely unusual according to Anhalt’s standards.”
My response was firm. Even in Villendorf, men were prized; only one in ten people was a man. Usually, they’d be preciously raised within their households. In some places, it might be seen as favorable for men to learn to wield swords for self-defense and undergo strict training. But that didn’t apply to the kingdom I came from.
“I’m undoubtedly an anomaly within Anhalt,” I said. “People claimed that there was no use in training a man. Doing so was simply cruel. My mother was scorned and asked if she didn’t value her son.”
“I would expect as much,” Queen Catalina replied.
“Before long, people treated her as insane. They claimed that she’d gone mad from distress. Her husband’s family cut ties with her, and nearby lords refused to associate with my mother. They all treated her as a nuisance and an outcast. No noble of Anhalt would give her the time of day.”
I’d only learned about it from Helga after my mom passed away. Helga admitted that even she’d scorned my mother, and she’d said that I could kill her on the spot if I wished. My chief squire’s regretful confession remained in my mind. Mother… Just how much suffering did you endure until your death?
“Even so, my mother, Marianne, continued to teach me the way of the spear and sword,” I said. “She was strict.”
“She must’ve known your talents,” Queen Catalina said. “She knew that in the future, you would become an extraordinary person and be hailed as a hero.”
“That’s what I believe.”
If my mother had assumed that I lacked talent, she might have stopped my training midway. She might have done her best to find a fine future wife for me instead. But I can’t ask my late mother about it anymore.
“Back then, I thought that her strict training was normal,” I said.
“Did you not find it miserable?” Queen Catalina asked.
“Not one bit.”
In fact, my mother must’ve had a harder time. No doubt it was torture that no one around her could understand her actions.
“I didn’t understand even a shred of my mother’s agony,” I confessed. “My sickly mother forced her haggard body to move, and I can’t imagine what heart-wrenching thoughts crossed her mind as she trained me.”
Back then, I’d failed to consider my mother’s suffering.
“I didn’t understand her, yet I felt no misery as I assumed that all lord knights were educated in this manner,” I said.
Because I carried my memories from my previous life, I’d thought it only natural that lord knights underwent harsh training. Furthermore, I possessed extraordinary abilities.
“I was a fool,” I said. “Sometimes, very rarely, I’d win in a battle against my mother and innocently express my joy. All I did was fight my sickly mother with a wooden sword. Truly, I was a fool. To this day, I cannot forget the smile on my mother’s face as she gritted her teeth against the pain that coursed through her body.”
“Your mother, Marianne, must’ve been genuinely happy then, I presume,” the queen remarked.
“That hardly serves as an excuse, Your Majesty.”
I should’ve been more concerned about my mother’s ailing body. I’d known that she was sickly. I was a fool, conceited because I’d been born with extraordinary abilities. That was all I was.
“My mother continued to push her frail body around,” I went on. “She continued her duties as a lord and noble while she educated me diligently. She conducted her military service every year without fail, all while receiving scornful gazes from the nobles around her.”
My mother had gone through a lot. I’d heard that a majority of her military service was to defeat bandits, but even so, she couldn’t avoid mingling with other nobles. They might not have openly mocked her, but they likely laughed at and derided her in private. I couldn’t even begin to imagine what she’d had to endure.