But then, one day.
Totto was crossing the railway bridge just before Suwanotaira Station when she heard the sudden blare of a steam locomotive whistle. An unscheduled freight train was barreling toward her. Beneath the bridge roared a river that was not only forceful, but also looked quite deep. Totto knew there was a small evacuation space in the middle of the bridge for rail construction workers. Disastrously for her, the floorboard had broken and been removed, so she would find no safety there.
With only seconds to plan her next move, Totto ducked under the tracks and hung with both hands from one of the railroad ties. The freight train thundered right above her head. How many cars did it have? It seemed to stretch on for an eternity.
Totto was never very good at the monkey bars, but she had come up with a game at Tomoe Gakuen where she hung from a bar with one arm for as long as possible, pretending to be a cut of beef hanging in a butcher’s refrigerator. The Beef Game. Perhaps that game had given her some upper-body strength.
At long last, the freight car passed. Totto tried to climb back onto the tracks, only to find that she had no feeling in her hands. They had fallen asleep. Now the panic set in. Desperately she lifted her legs, hooked her schoolbag to the crosstie, and somehow hauled herself up above the tracks while also managing to keep her geta sandals from falling by clenching her toes. Down below, the river water whirled violently as it made its way toward the Pacific Ocean—without Totto. She let out a tremendous sigh of relief.
The next month, Mother bought Totto a new train pass. Totto carefully placed the pass in its case and secured it firmly around her neck.
✦ ✦ ✦
“I Want to Go Back to Tokyo.”
As life in Aomori fell into a comfortable rhythm, Mother began to think about the possibility of moving back to Tokyo. Even if they were to return, however, their house had burned down and they had no place to live. With so many things to consider, Mother didn’t quite know where to begin.
For starters, she decided that she would go and check on the situation herself. The first time she went to the Kitasenzoku area where their home used to be, she found many people still living there in air-raid shelters and barracks made of reclaimed wood and tin sheets. On her second trip, she was able to track down a carpenter they used to know and ask him to build them a house as soon as she could gather the funds.
Next, she had to devise a plan to earn enough money for the construction. Her diner was a great success, but the income it generated would not be nearly enough. Her only other avenue for the time being was to sell vegetables and seafood. As Mother steadily grew her list of regular customers, some learned that she was from Tokyo and asked, “Can you get more of this or that in the city on your next trip?” Mother thought of her diner customers from Tokyo, who knew much more about business than she did. Perhaps if she contacted them, they might be able to teach her a few things?
“I ought to be able to bring in more money,” she concluded, “if I take orders for things that are only available in Tokyo and go to purchase them myself, rather than simply selling fish from Hachinohe.”
Mother started collecting orders from the residents of Suwanotaira and Sannohe and was quickly inundated with requests. The most sought-after items were garments such as kimonos, workmen’s two-toed, rubber-soled jikatabi boots, short hanten winter coats, kappogi coverall smocks, and aprons. Some people also asked for things like dictionaries, jewels, and watches.
Whenever Mother traveled to Tokyo to procure these goods, she would fill her backpack with grilled soft-dried squid that had been caught and prepared in Hachinohe. It was relatively compact and took no time to offload in Tokyo, where food was still scarce. Drawing on advice from various sources, she combed through pawn shops for the items on her shopping list and learned how to find forfeited watches, jewels, and similar items of good quality at low prices. She then brought these back to Aomori and sold them for a pretty penny.
During this period when Mother was making frequent trips between Suwanotaira and Tokyo, some news came in that filled Totto and her family with hope. A newspaper article reporting on Japanese prisoners of war in Siberia read: Included among those detained is New Symphony Orchestra concertmaster Moritsuna Kuroyanagi.
“Daddy’s alive!” they rejoiced.
However, they also heard a rumor that Daddy had tried to flee and had been shot.
“Not to worry,” Mother reassured the children. “Daddy wouldn’t dare do such a silly thing. I’m certain that he’s waiting patiently to be released so he can come home.”
Mother’s conviction never faltered, regardless of what dreadful rumors she heard. Believing that her husband was safe, she threw all her energy into her procurement business and deposited every little bit of cash she made into the bank to save for the house reconstruction. Totto believed that her father was safe, too, of course.
✦ ✦ ✦
One year after the war ended, amidst another sweltering summer, Mother sat Totto down and said, “Tetsuko, I have something to discuss with you. Would you like to attend a girls’ school in Tokyo?”
“A girls’ school in Tokyo?”
Totto had been planning to matriculate to St. Hilda’s School in Hatanodai, Tokyo, after graduating from Tomoe Gakuen. The missionary school was across the street from Senzoku Church, which Totto had attended since she was a child. In fact, before Daddy was called up, he and Mother had already begun discussing the possibility of her enrolling there. Mother told Totto that she had run into a friend on a recent trip to Tokyo, and that her friend had agreed to let Totto stay in their home while attending the school, if she so chose.
“I know that your interests lie in music, dance, and English, but I’m afraid you won’t have the opportunity to pursue them here. If you would like, you can attend St. Hilda’s School from my friend’s home. I’ll go with you to do the paperwork. Then, once I have a little more money saved, we’ll be able to build our house in Kitasenzoku. What do you think?”
The bright red apples, the cherry blossoms at Shiroyama Park, the bustling energy of the produce market, Mr. Numahata, her school friends…Totto loved them all dearly. But she couldn’t deny the niggling suspicion she had felt the very first time she visited Shiroyama Park in Sannohe that this was not where she truly belonged. That doubt had lingered in her mind ever since.
“I want to go back to Tokyo,” Totto replied in a small voice.
It was the middle of summer vacation, so Totto was unable to tell her friends that she was transferring to a school in Tokyo. She wished to at least share the news with her closest friend, but she never got the chance as Mother declared they would be setting off the very next day.
Totto felt terrible for not being able to say goodbye.
✦ ✦ ✦
In later years, however, whenever Totto traveled to the Tohoku area for a theater performance, she made sure to meet her friend for tea in Hachinohe where she still lived. The last time they saw each other, her friend had become a grandmother and great-grandmother, but they both still remembered the day they met and how they’d wiped the classroom windows and talked about so many wonderful things.