I retreated to my room the moment I arrived at the Magnan estate.
“What am I doing?”
Herb gathering had been a success, and I’d gotten the chance to speak with the adventurers from the sewers. I had plenty to report. And yet, I had no desire to speak to anyone.
“Argh, seriously?!” I was well aware that I was of two minds, contradicting myself.
Becoming an adventurer was my dream. I believed that, as an adventurer, I could go anywhere. There were so many beautiful sights I had yet to see, and the thought of it always made my heart race. And I thought that if I could use magia, I could become an adventurer. That was why I had decided to learn it.
“Magia is a noble art.”
My instructor had taught me that. Only the chosen were permitted to study magia, and only the special were able to wield its powers. That meant I was chosen. I was special. The Magnan name and wealth had secured me a teacher, and I had the talent and aptitude.
But wasn’t that just something I was told?
This supposedly noble art had been nothing more than a tool for me, a means to become an adventurer. I had studied, trained, and gained proficiency in magia for that sole purpose. The process had been rigorous and exhausting, requiring great effort, but whether it was noble had never mattered to me.
“A mage’s nonsense.”
She was right. Power was power. Knowledge was knowledge. Skill was skill. If an ordinary person were to wield magic, would that negate these truths? In the hands of someone who wasn’t special, someone who wasn’t chosen, would we no longer call it magia?
I just wanted to be an adventurer.
For a member of the Magnan family, getting permission to become an adventurer was nothing short of a miracle. That had only been possible for me because of those three adventurers who had explored the sewers and found the new area.
Judging by their reactions, perhaps such a discovery was insignificant to adventurers. But to the townspeople, it was a treasure worth more than silver and gold. Of course, it was the same for the Magnan family. I had used that as leverage to convince those who opposed me—to force my way into becoming an adventurer.
I had planned for this. I had worked for this. And I had luck on my side.
“I went through so much. And yet...” A bubbling, directionless anger began to rise within me. Even I could tell it was irrational. But once it surfaced, there was no stopping it.
Magia doesn’t matter. It’s just a skill, a tool, nothing more.
The words that had slipped from my mouth in the guild were nothing but empty rhetoric. No wonder Sheya had gotten angry. What I’d said was just an excuse. My true, deepest feelings were something else entirely.
“I never thought it would feel this sad.” That small, fragile whisper was so faint that I almost doubted it had come from my own lips.
I had demonstrated a detection spell to find a mana-rich area known as a mana pool. That must have seemed incredibly useful to Kiri, which was fine. Good, even. Magia was all-powerful, after all. I had never expected something as simple as detection to bring someone so much joy, but Kiri was such a purehearted person. To him, it must have seemed like something truly amazing.
But when I saw him accepting that beginner’s spellbook, when I realized he was going to learn magia, I understood.
All he wants is magia. He doesn’t need me.