Chapter 30
SLEEP eluded Yuki, and despite exhaustion’s pull on her eyelids, she remained stuck awake in bed fighting off her worries with a drowsy mind. Refusing to think about the things haunting her left her mind and heart in a worse state than before she went to bed. But no matter how sad and anguished the mind is, the body goes through its natural processes.
…I need the bathroom.
She squirmed out of her blankets and tottered through the dark room toward where she thought the door was, the floorboards squeaking under her weight. Quietly, she fumbled for the doorknob and stepped into the cool, dark hallway.
✦ ✦ ✦
YUKI instinctually looked over her shoulder upon hearing the foyer door open on her way back from the bathroom.
“Yuki…?”
“Selena?”
Selena slipped in through the door in her nightgown. Her light-purple hair stood like a lilac in a dark night.
“What’s wrong?” Yuki asked, straining her eyes to see the other woman’s face.
“Mm, I was observing the stars. They’re gorgeous tonight.” Selena’s white teeth glimmered in the dark when she offered a gentle smile. “Having trouble sleeping too, Yuki?”
Yuki nodded, she then realized she probably couldn’t see her and said, “Yeah.”
“I see,” Selena muttered and walked over to Yuki to wrap her cape around her shoulders. “Want to go see the stars? Some fresh air might do you some good.”
Yuki clasped the cape at her chest and silently nodded.
✦ ✦ ✦
A kind, soothing warmth came from holding Selena’s hand as she led the way weaving through the trees in the forest behind the cabin. Aside from the chirping crickets and wind, silence marked their stroll.
“I’m sorry.”
Not understanding where the sudden apology came from, Yuki glanced up at Selena. She kept her eyes forward as she continued, “I gave you too many complicated things to think about at once. I’m the reason you can’t sleep, right?”
“That’s not true!” Yuki shook her head in vehement refusal and stopped walking. The small jerk on her hand stopped Selena too. “I’m just using this as a chance to think through all sorts of things.”
“But I’m the source of those worries. You didn’t need to know about the ugliness of our land.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It’s good for me to know. I’m glad you opened my eyes to the intense suffering the Rvydom people are going through.”
However, that’s exactly why I can’t agree with what they are trying to do. Yuki kept her thoughts to herself and shook her head. The Rvydom people aren’t the only ones at fault. I can’t agree with what Maruk and Adolunde are doing either. Why did they all take the path resulting in hurting others? Lamenting the choices of three countries wouldn’t resolve the problem, but she couldn’t stop feeling frustrated by it.
Selena patiently looked down at Yuki. Yuki felt like she had to say more, but the words caught in her throat and wouldn’t come out.
“…It’s just…I see how powerless I am. I’m worthless when it comes down to it.”
In the end, that was the central issue. Regardless of how she felt or thought, the world moved on. She didn’t have the means to stop it either.
“If possible, I don’t want the war to take place. I understand you see it as the only choice, but if my say mattered, I don’t want Rvydom’s people to fight. But I’m not stupid. I know nothing will come of me thinking this way,” Yuki confessed, the words flowing out of her like raindrops. Gradually, the confused pieces started to come together.
“I wonder what it is I’m supposed to do,” she said mostly to herself.
Traveling through Rvydom for weeks brought with it various experiences and encounters. All of which further jumbled the situation.
“War is an entanglement of various people’s motives and intentions,” Selena spoke up after Yuki finished her piece. “Countries want money as compensation from the defeated country, nobles use war as a means to kill enemy nobles, and there are even people who make their fortunes from selling weapons and services during wartimes. If a few people could stop a war, we would have stopped it. But normal people and soldiers can only dance to the tune of those in charge.”
Yuki was aghast at the mere thought of people starting wars for those reasons. Selena only added to the blow, “That’s what war is. All we can do is struggle, resist, and eventually fight.”
She smiled sadly and squeezed Yuki to her. “You know, Yuki, I was extremely happy you were thinking about Rvydom. Thank you for getting angry and opposing the brutality of war in my place.”
“S-Selena?”
“But don’t you have something you must do, Yuki?”
“Something I must do?” Yuki parroted.
She mulled over what it could be. Mixing ingredients to increase their supply of diminishing medicine? She promised Vigo her assistance making medicine on the morrow. Apologize to Touta? She already planned to do so first thing in the morning. What must she do? What did she need to do?
Selena offered a hint before Yuki came to an answer, “Yuki, what are you traveling to Adolunde for?”
“…Ah.”
Luca.
“Dangers will arise along the way. Don’t let yourself get stuck in a rut thinking about things you can’t do anything about. I’m grateful you worry about us, but stop. Think only of yourself and your Knight.”
Selena’s kindness was too much for Yuki’s frayed emotions and summoned the tears to gush from her sleepy eyes.
Luca. What would the Knight whose name she cried out in her heart say if he saw her now? Luca! Luca!
“Awww, why must you be sooo cute?” Selena merrily exclaimed over Yuki.
I’ll do my best not to cause you any more strife and to keep from having you ever call me a brat again.
Was Luca doing well? How long ago was it that she last knew of his whereabouts and health? Was he still rotting in a cold jail cell somewhere?
I’m coming for you. So please don’t forget me. Please be well. Please be safe. Please… Please…