“In our eyes, he was...the protagonist, I suppose. And a story can’t progress if the protagonist goes missing. Far from it—without him around, it’s only a matter of time before the villain he’s fated to defeat drives the world to ruin.”
Protagonist. The word lingered in my mind.
I’m no protagonist, not even close! I’m a sidekick, a best friend, an extra...but those are all titles of my own creation. They’re nothing more than a story I engineered to protect myself while I live in this world.
I wanted to turn this world into my paradise: a somewhat boisterous but peaceful school life rom-com where no blood has to be shed, where nobody has to die. Nobody.
“I’m no protagonist...”
“Senpai?”
“Oh, but you are!” the man continued. “Maybe not in this world...but in that one, there’s no question about it.”
“Ugh...” I couldn’t deny it. I didn’t have the right to. The fact that I’d been the protagonist led to so many things being stolen away from so many people—I couldn’t turn a blind eye to that.
I was the protagonist, so Rei and Lyra died. I was the protagonist, so I had to kill Balrog with my own two hands... That wasn’t even the end of it. My very existence warped the lives of countless people, more than I knew, and yet I abandoned that responsibility. I ran from it—all the way to another world.
The man before me knew all of that. That’s why he engineered events so that Ayase and I would meet. He probably also knew that I’d project my memories of Rei onto Ayase, and that I would try to erase her memories of me as a result. I’d been dancing in the palm of his hand since the very beginning, and in doing so, he’d proven to me that in the end, I’ll never belong in this world. No matter how much I aspire to be the comic relief in a story that’s bigger than me, it’ll never happen. I’ll never be able to support someone like that. I’ll never be able to make people happy—
“You’re not a protagonist, Senpai.”
Suddenly, Kazuki spoke up from beside me—she spoke to me.
“I mean, how could you be? You’re Ayase-senpai’s Friend A, right?” she said with a smile. An innocent smile, pure and naive, without so much as a tinge of malice to be seen. “I’ve never met anyone else who’d introduce themself like that! You didn’t even tell me your real name! You’ve been Ayase-senpai’s Friend A-senpai to me since the day we met, and what kinda protagonist would have a name like that?”
“I believe I told you that you’re an outsider?” interjected the man, spitefully.
“I mean, I’m not gonna get the whole ‘game’ thing, no matter how much I think about it. I haven’t even played it! But if we’re talking worlds, then in my book, there are as many of ’em out there as there are people and as many protagonists as there are worlds. Like, track and field’s a whole world for me, and it’s not even my only one! I’m the protagonist in my own track world, but I could never take on a leading role when it comes to an academic one.”
“What on earth are you talking about...?”
“Umm, yeah, sorry. I’m not even sure I totally get it, myself... I guess what I’m trying to say’s that Senpai might be the protagonist of that game’s world in your mind, but it might not be that important to him! He has his own worlds that’re totally different from yours, so I don’t think it makes sense for him to let what anyone else says shoehorn him into a role he doesn’t want!” she concluded with a grin.
She was probably speaking off the cuff, and it wasn’t a logical, structured argument in the slightest. In fact, it was all just her completely subjective opinion. And yet somehow, hearing her say those words made the pressure that’d been building within my chest drain away.
“That said, you’ve jumped up the character rankings for Rena-chan’s Super Track Tale pretty majorly tonight, Senpai! I’m not giving up the protagonist title, though!”
“Kazuki...”
“You’ve got your own world to live in, Senpai, so I think you should live your life like you... Huh...?” Suddenly, Kazuki staggered forward. She released my uniform and spun unsteadily in place like a wobbly top near the end of its rotation.
“A-Ahhh...”
“Kazuki?!”
A moment later, she fell to the ground. Well, not all the way, thankfully—I managed to catch her right before she landed. She lay there, completely limp, staring blankly into space.
“Hey, Kazuki?! Kazuki!”
“Ha ha,” she replied weakly, “guess I might’ve pushed myself a bit too hard... It’s been ages since I’ve run myself into the ground, and then I did all that thinking on top of it. I’m totally outta gas...”
“S-Seriously...?”
“Umm, one last thing... You’ve got a really nice smile, Senpai, so you should stop scowling like that... Next time we run together, let’s...enjoy it...” With those final words, she fell asleep in my arms. I immediately checked her neck for a pulse and was relieved to find one. She definitely wasn’t dead. From the way she’d talked about it, I’d just accidentally pushed her a lot further than I should’ve.
“Kazuki...” I slowly and gently picked her up, careful not to wake her. Can’t possibly be comfortable to sleep in my arms, but cut me some slack, girl. “I was scowling, huh?” Maybe that’s why she stuck with me to the end. And really, the ridiculous exchange I had with her while I was running around did actually help me cool off. Was that all according to her plan?
The thought made me chuckle. A girl—a kouhai, even—who I’d assumed was a total musclehead managed to pull a fast one on me. I’m kind of a sucker, aren’t I?
“Koh.”
“Look—I’ve got a thousand reasons to let you have it, but now’s not the time. Can’t exactly fight while I’m carrying someone.”
“So, you agree with her? You’ll accept everything she said, just like that?”
I hesitated. “I know I can’t escape from what happened in that world. I get it. But we’re in this world right now. Don’t drag me into that one’s problems.”
“That world is everything to me.” The old man—or rather, the person who looked like an old man—spat the words out with a somewhat defeated tone.
Compared to this world, the one that he and I had lived in was hell on earth. This world had its own problems, of course, but even taking all of them into account, it still felt like paradise to me. I had no idea how he’d managed to pursue me all the way here, but I knew that he wouldn’t have gone to the trouble if it didn’t mean quite a lot to him.
“Fine. We’ll talk about this again one day when I can spare the time.” He didn’t reply. “I’m just not good at getting mad on my own behalf, in the end. Like, I was so pissed at you I couldn’t even believe it just a minute ago, but seeing the ridiculous look on this doofus’s sleeping face was enough to totally snap me out of it.”
Kazuki was right. I just had to smile. I wasn’t particularly into running, but I was very into this world. Maybe I’d choose it, maybe I wouldn’t, but I’d make that decision myself. After Kazuki ran herself half to death and thought herself most of the rest of the way there, I owed it to her to not take her words lightly.
A moment of silence passed before he answered. “Fine,” he said, turning his back to me. “We’ll meet again. One day...”
“Works for me. Leave the fat suit at home when you do, though. You’re not pulling the look off at all.”
“Shut up,” he sulkily muttered. He sounded different in that final moment. It wasn’t the ridiculously deep voice he’d put on before. He sounded throaty and a bit hoarse. Something about his voice rang a bell, but I couldn’t pin it down.
I stayed there until he vanished from eyesight, carrying Kazuki and staring blankly up at the stars.
Your entire world can change in an instant. Somewhere along the way, the daily life I’d been enjoying with all my heart had silently crumbled around me. I hadn’t even noticed. But in the end, I’d been the one to deal the killing blow.
I had to deal with Ayase. I had to deal with the man who came all the way from another world to find me. And finally, I had to deal with the deep-seated wounds that lingered in the back of my own mind, festering away without any hope of healing.
If I wanted to choose a world for myself, I would have to confront all of them head-on.