“Ah... Um, th-thank you!”
She sounded bewildered.
She wants to thank me? Oooh, okay, I get it. Yeah, I guess that’s the natural flow in this sorta situation. I’m her hero, after all. He wasn’t a street punk, but in a certain sense getting chased around by a middle-aged, overweight exhibitionist’s even scarier than the hypothetical punk setup, and I saved her by taking him out in one punch kick. A “thank you” or two could very well be in order here.
Hate to say it, though, but she’s wrong. I’m no hero; I’m a perfectly ordinary citizen, a man whose greatest impact on society at large is sucking up oxygen and spitting out carbon dioxide. In short, I’m nothing more than an extra. I wanted to make sure she wouldn’t get any weird ideas about me, so I stayed hidden behind the pole and tried to let her down as bluntly as possible.
“My name’s not worth mentioning.”
“I, um, didn’t actually ask yet.”
Shoot, jumped the gun! Gotta say, though, I was surprised she had the presence of mind to call me out that quickly. You’d never think she was getting chased around by a pervert just a moment ago. Girl’s got grit.
“Sounds like you’re doing just fine, then.”
“Not really, no... I’m still shivering...”
“Oh, no worries there—so am I.” I stuck a leg out from behind the pole and shook it around. No reaction. Sort of felt like the temperature suddenly dropped a couple degrees, but I was probably just imagining it. “A-Anyway, I’ll call this in, so you should hurry on outta here. Sticking around for too long is just begging the cops to question you!”
“U-Um, wait! What’s your name?”
I tried to guide the conversation to a natural conclusion, but she went and asked me anyway. And right after I failed miserably at using the “name’s not worth mentioning” power move too! Could her timing possibly be any worse? There was no way I could say it again; it was still on cooldown! She had me cornered—my only choice left was to tell her my name!
Or at least it would’ve been, but I’m a supporting character to the bitter end, and my name is genuinely not worth mentioning. Besides, being a hero and saving beautiful girls is a job for a protagonist. Love stories between beauties and beasts are well established at this point, but there’s absolutely no market or demand for romance between beautiful girls and stick figures.
Even supposing I gave in to my lecherous side and tried to get close to her, I know exactly how it’d turn out in the end. In the best-case scenario, we’d discover our values don’t match up, we’d drift apart, and eventually our relationship would naturally fizzle out. However, if I really screwed up, it’s totally possible she’d get stolen away by the protagonist! Sorry, but that is absolutely not my fetish, and there’s no chance in hell I’ll go anywhere near a situation that might lead me in that sorta direction. As such, there was really only one move available to me.
“Ayase Kaito.”
“Huh?”
“My name’s Ayase Kaito. Ayase Kaito, second-year student at Oumei High School, class B. I know I said my name’s not worth mentioning, but if you really insist, it’s Ayase Kaito. Blood type’s A, birthday’s September 23rd. That’s me: Ayase Kaito.”
I told her a name without turning around to face her, then took off without giving her the chance to react! A dashing exit in more ways than one, if I may say so myself! Look at me, everyone, I’m totally a protagonist! But the cool dude beating a hasty retreat isn’t me, background extra Kunugi Kou—it’s Oumei High second-year Ayase Kaito from class B.
For the record, that wasn’t some nonsense name I made up on the spot. On the contrary, I was actually really proud of myself for doing a good deed. After all, Ayase Kaito’s not an extra like me: he’s a genuine, bona fide protagonist. That girl never got a decent look at my face either. All she saw was the back of a guy wearing an Oumei High uniform. She’ll forget what my voice sounded like in no time too.
A sincere, courageous girl like her will no doubt take action in the most heroine-like manner possible. She’ll show up at class B, call out Ayase Kaito to thank him, and the case will be closed with everyone happy. If she really is one of the chosen heroines, then one look at his overwhelming rom-com protagonist aura is all it’ll take for her to fall hopelessly captive to his charms.
He may be one of those super cliché protagonists who just can’t take a hint, but he’s also a gentleman at heart, and I can’t imagine he’ll have it in him to say no to a beautiful girl coming on to him. And bam, just like that, a new heroine’s added to his roster, the girl gets to meet her hero, and my everyday life goes unchanged! That’s a win-win-win situation if I’ve ever heard of one.
I called in the assault while I fled, then headed off to my beloved Oumei High with a smile on my face and a spring in my step. That whole disaster was a lot to take in, especially first thing in the morning, but in the end everyone except the culprit came out ahead. Poetic justice at its finest!
“Gooood morning!”
I was about as hyper as could be, and let out the sort of loud and enthusiastic greeting I have absolutely never given as I slid open the classroom door. Nothing in this world can stop me now! Think you can get in my way?! Just try me, punk!
“...Good morning, Kunugi.”
“Oh, Daimon-sensei! Good morning!”
“Takes some guts to make an entrance like that when you’re as late as you are, huh?”
“As late as...? Oh.”
“Let’s step outside, Kunugi. Sorry, everyone, study hall for now. I’ll be right back.”
“...I forgot I was gonna ditch.”
Then she chewed the absolute hell out of me.
❤ ❤ ❤ ❤ ❤
“Are you sure you have a brain in that skull of yours, Kou?”
“Oh, shut it... And anyway, what’s with that old bag? What kinda teacher puts the whole class on hold to lecture someone?”
“Isn’t she a bit young to be an old bag? She’s still in her twenties, isn’t she?”
I was slumped over my desk, still in a state of shock from the lecture that ended up dragging on well into my lunch break... Or, really, in a state of shock over the fact that my random pervert encounter made me totally forget that I was planning to skip. I showed up at school completely unprepared.
Sitting nearby, sighing with exasperation at my antics, was the aforementioned Ayase Kaito. Handsome through and through, his naturally brown hair was impeccably styled and his charming smile made his good looks all the more striking. When all’s said and done, however, I never got the feeling he was one of those nationwide idol types who could catch the eye of literally anyone and everyone. No, he’s got that very specific sort of popularity that only attracts certain, specific people, all of whom happen to be jaw-dropping, head-turning beauties. In short, he’s the definition of your classic rom-com hero. He’s like one of those people who only goes for good-looking girls, only in reverse, I guess.
By some bizarre turn of events I ended up getting close enough to a guy like that to call myself his best friend. In other words, I’m not just an extra: I’m an extra with the Best Friend attribute, one of those characters who just barely clings to the bottom ranks of the popularity polls by a hair’s breadth! Yes, it is I, the protagonist’s best friend-wingman-sidekick-extra!
“Anyway, we’ve got more important things to talk about! What’s this I hear about you and Kotou Tsumugi getting all flirty-wirty with each other first thing in the morning?!”
“‘Flirty-wirty’?” Kaito retorted. “We were just walking to school together, same as always. We’ve known each other for ages and her house is right next door; it’s totally normal.”
“Oh, really? Then what’s this I hear about you holding hands, huh?! Huuuuh?!”
“She hugged me and I folded my arms, that’s all.”
“Whaddya have running through your veins, punk?! Ice?!”
“Blood, actually.”
“Ah, right, yeah. Fair enough.”
His sound rebuttal was like a brick wall dropped in the path of my argument, and I plopped back down into the chair I’d enthusiastically jumped out of. Incidentally, Kotou Tsumugi was the class next door’s resident Madonna (dated reference, but it still works) and Kaito’s childhood friend on top of that. You’d think a person in her position would end up in the same class as him, but apparently she and mister pokes-holes-in-my-argument over there are both hopelessly unlucky in that respect.
“Ayase-kun.”
And, surprising absolutely no one, yet another girl showed up to talk with Kaito. I probably don’t even have to bother specifying that she was beautiful. She had silky black hair that reached down to her waist, and the sharp look in her eyes gave her a pretty strong-willed sort of impression. That’s right—it’s the top batter of every played-out rom-com, the super-sadistic, verbally abusive honor student heroine (who also happens to be a huge loner): our fair lady Kiryu Kyouka!