†††
BUT everything will be all right. King Rashid will return from the border after quelling the skirmish there with our neighboring country and fix all this.
It will be all right.
“I heard Prince Shaghad isn’t actually Prince Raheem’s son.”
“I can’t believe the future queen consort had an affair.”
It will be all right.
“Who do you think she slept with?”
“I imagine it was because Prince Raheem treasures Lady Anita more.”
“Likely. Adultery is the prerogative of powerful men, but not acceptable of women.”
“You’re just being snide because His Highness wouldn’t take you as a partner.”
It will all be all right.
“Mother…?”
It will all be all right.
“What does Prince Raheem plan to do?”
“In no normal situation could the daughter of a viscount become the princess consort, and I doubt His Grace will stand silently by while the prince insults his daughter. Shahrnaz is safe as the prince’s consort, though she’ll be his wife only symbolically.”
“You’re probably right. He only has eyes for Lady Anita, after all.”
It will all be all right.
“Shahrnaz!”
“Mother, Father, I…” I said as my mother advanced on me, her face contorted like a demon’s before she struck my cheek with all her strength.
“You pathetic girl! How could you lose to that viscount’s daughter who popped out of nowhere? What have you been doing all this time in the palace?! You cannot begin to understand the shame you’ve brought on our family.”
“How shameful to give birth to the prince, then turn into this. I’m disappointed in you,” said my father.
It will all be all right.
“Mother.”
Hm? When did my parents leave? I never even noticed. It’s dark in here. Have I eaten? When was the last time I ate?
“Mother.”
Well, I’m not hungry. I’m sure it’s fine.
“Mother.”
Would you look at how dusty this room is? When did the servants stop cleaning in here?
“Mother.”
Has Shaghad eaten? Well, I’m sure it’s all right. He’s not a baby anymore. If he’s hungry, he can take himself to the dining hall.
“I’m so tired,” I said.
“Mother. You’re tired? Why don’t you go to bed? I’ll take you.”
Something tugged on my sleeve. I looked at it.
Oh. My son. The prince’s son.
“I gave birth to the prince, the boy who will one day lead this country. The child between me and Prince Raheem. And yet…”
My son stopped tugging at my sleeve. He looked up at me with worried eyes. “Mother?”
“Stop.”
“Mother?”
“Stop calling me that!”
“……”
It will not be all right!
How could any of this be all right? What makes you think any of this is all right? It couldn’t possibly be! How has no one realized that?
Someone, please, save me!
I loved him. We swore everlasting love to each other, but it was all pointless. There’s nothing for me here in the palace.
“Mother?” Shaghad gripped my skirts and looked at me uneasily. To me, he looked like a chain keeping me from fleeing.
“You, too, would keep me bound to this prison?” I asked. His hands loosened for just a moment.
What am I saying to my son? He was the same as me: an imprisoned innocent. He was the least guilty of us all. All he did was come into this world.
“Mother…” And he still just tugged desperately at my skirt. Like he wanted me to see him.
My beloved son. My beloved yet utterly useless son. I love you, but you have his blood, and he’s the one who put me in this situation.
He and I loved each other so deeply. He told me I was the only one and swore his undying love to me, but those promises were no more than a castle built on a foundation of sand.
“I…want to be happy,” I said.
“Mother?”
Before I realized it, I was tearing my son’s hands away, shocking him. He would never understand what I had done or what I was planning on doing next.
“I want to be happy,” I said.
And then I ran with pained cries behind me.
Yes, my son is calling me. I know. I have to go back. I have to stop. But what for? Why must I stay trapped here? Why must I endure this?
No one loves me here. No one turns to look at me. They all mock me. Sneer at me. Say how they pity me.
And that means there’s no reason for me to stay here, no reason for me to turn back.
“Osman,” I said, taking the hand of the one knight who ever held out a helping hand to me and fled the palace.
Leaving behind my beloved son.