I found myself in the hidden room once again.
Muttering to myself, I looked upon Wilhelm’s sleeping form. “I have no right to be here, and yet… Just a little longer. Just a little longer, and you’ll be awake again.”
All who opposed me had perished, but the kingdom’s political situation had yet to stabilize. More than anything, I did not wish for Wilhelm to see me caked in blood while there was still more to shed.
“I had the help of so many people…”
Originally, I’d intended to settle the score all on my own, even if it cost me my life. I had made arrangements for the government to run regardless of whether I died, and those plans helped reduce the impact of the mass political purge. Thanks to my foresight, we were able to avoid the most critical problems.
For example, we didn’t have to expel or execute any bureaucrats this time around. House Radford’s officials had rebelled against us once before, refusing to work and withholding the necessary manpower for the government to function. We’d made preparations to ensure something like that could never happen again, and those loyal to me understood what to do in the unlikely event that it did.
The Radford situation had also taught me how to handle regional governance. Setting up their region to be managed directly by the crown gave us the tools and knowledge to apply the same method to other regions. The most important part was assigning the right people to the right positions. I granted Gilbert all the authority he needed, and in turn, he made sure everyone he hired was the best of the best. That convinced me that everything would be fine, no matter what happened.
Even so, the moment I learned of Celden’s involvement, I realized I couldn’t see my plans through on my own—and that was a bitter pill to swallow. It was simply irresponsible to insist I could handle problems abroad on top of everything happening domestically. Furthermore, I could not overlook the persecution of my fellow mages.
I was haunted by memories of a horrible dream. The mages of this world were much like Alicia and me in our youth. Those overwhelmed by their own magic, like me. Those whose magic ran amok after the abuse of others, like Alicia—an innocent girl who’d suffered so much heartbreak.
What difference was there between mages and non-mages? We were one and the same. And yet, our lives were dictated by the magic we wielded. We were hated by those around us. We were hurt. But magic itself was not to blame for this. Magic was merely its own unique power, neither good nor evil.
Humans themselves were too naive, too ignorant; that was all. Learning of this prejudice did not fill me with sadness like Godfrey thought. It exhausted me, made me give up on humanity. I could not handle a world that tolerated violent oppression. The first king of Ausgrid must have believed in magic’s potential, with mages living peacefully with non-magical people, hence the founding of this kingdom. He believed that things would change one day, and he’d tried to buy time till that day came.
But nothing had changed, so I decided to put this miserable reality to an end. I could do it with the power of the Sacred Swords. To that end, I had refrained from using magic too much when dealing with the houses, instead relying on the people around me. It was for the best.
“I’ve been guided by so many people,” I said. “How shameful of me to realize that this late…”
I only arrived here by working together with countless people. Not as pawns but as equals. The realization shook me to my core.
“But, you see…the more I feel the warmth of those around me, the less I can find forgiveness in my heart for the treasonous cruelty of the human mind. How can one allow it to exist?”
I truly did wish to become a kind person, surrounded by the smiles of a peaceful world—but I couldn’t. The more I saw how kind people could be, the more I questioned everything. Why did I have to part ways with the kindness of the world? Why did I lose those dear to me? Why were there people who wouldn’t allow kindness to thrive? Why were those born with magic hated simply for existing?
The more I questioned the world, the more tainted my heart became. The more I experienced kindness, the more familiar I became with the darkness inside me.
I no longer saw the Great Five at the end of my path—the very world that allowed these injustices to thrive became the target of my hatred. A part of me wished for everyone’s happiness, but my exasperation at the state of humanity was far more pronounced.
“I need you to sleep a little longer. My face must look hideous right now.”
Such dark thoughts surely showed in my expression. I never wanted him to see me like this. No, he needed to picture me in my wedding dress, the one lovingly crafted by Alicia. I would rather he remember me that way forever than see how far I’d fallen.