“Really, if you’re going to do it, make sure you don’t get caught. Or just wait a little longer and buy it with your own money! They found him before he even took a bite of the cotton candy, and the whole thing ended up in the mud.”
Yolanda was clearly very upset.
“And we’re forbidden from buying anything for him. Unfortunately, some very important people noticed what was happening, and the sisters are all furious.”
“If only you or I had been with him…”
“Yeah, but the sisters chose the squads.”
“Poor Georgie,” Cathy said, her voice choked up. “I promised him we’d eat some sweet Yorkshire pudding with loads of whipped cream together…”
Cathy was much younger than us, but she’d lived at the orphanage for three years, longer than anyone else. She knew exactly what life here meant.
Yolanda and I looked at each other. We both knew Georgie’s parents had abandoned him when he was two. He believed he’d just gotten lost and that they were out there looking for him. Apparently, they’d abandoned him at a festival, and he’d gotten separated from them in line to buy some fluffy pink cotton candy. His parents had stuffed some coins in his hands and told him to buy some, and the money hadn’t been enough.
“Agnella, you think it was the funfair?” Georgie had asked.
“Think what was?”
“The festival where my parents lost me. I don’t remember. But if it was, then this isn’t my first time!”
We knew exactly why little Georgie had been so excited and nervous the last few days.
“I’ll tell the sisters.”
“Agnella?” Cathy said.
“Tell them what?” Yolanda sighed. “Even if you do, this is still his fault. He brought it on himself.”
“Yeah, but…”
I saw a flash of green light. Translucent emerald light, with something sticky and red melting inside of it. My head hurt.
What could it be?
My heart beat so fast my chest ached.
My body moved without thinking. I hated to let go of Cathy’s warmth, but I peeled her off me. Cathy reached out, but Yolanda was faster. She threw her arms around me.
“Don’t blame me for what happens,” she said.
“Yeah. You two try to enjoy the fair.”
“Agnella?!” Cathy yelled after me, but I turned on my heel.
My head throbbed. Something moved at the edge of my vision.
I turned my head to look; there was nothing there. My imagination? But then I thought I saw something moving in the other direction. I quickly turned to look again. The world wobbled. Cathy watched me anxiously, and Yolanda frowned. I saw nothing else. The attractions’ bright lights left trails across my vision. Maybe that was what I’d seen.
I felt a little better. I turned and walked up between Georgie and the sisters. I felt like the more I moved my head, the less it hurt.
“Agnella?” Georgie said. My shaking head seemed to concern him.
“Sister,” I said.
“What?” Sister Abigail said, glaring at me. “We haven’t closed yet. Wait until then.”
“No, that’s not it. I want to ask you to forgive Georgie,” I said.
She narrowed her eyes.
“He committed a sin. He must be punished for it.”
“His punishment…” My head throbbed.
Brown, the bull. The goat on her cheek. The Ferris wheel. Tokens. The winter barn. Snow falling, frozen ground. Memories of being taken from my adoptive parents’ house flooded over me, but I didn’t care. The hint of fear in my adoptive parents’ eyes. I didn’t care about them or the children hiding behind them. I cared about the two goats, Gray and White. Had I said my proper goodbyes to them? And what had happened to Brown’s body? Normally a Jersey male would be slaughtered for food shortly after he was born. Brown had likely died from old age and the cold. I’d felt the warmth leave his body as I stared up at the open roof hatch. And the green light there…
Green light? Why did I picture that? My head hurt so much, I shook it. I shook it a lot.
Georgie looked more concerned. My brain trembled. Sister appeared worried, too.
“The punishment, I’ll… Put it all on me. Y-you can… All of it. I… B-Brown’s…”
“Brown?” she said.
“Brown’s grave… I.”
I hadn’t dug one.
“What are you saying? Who is Brown? Agnella. We’re talking about Georgie’s punishment.”
“The sin… It’s all m-mine.”
My tongue wasn’t moving right. It was so hard to get words out.
I could smell maple syrup from the pudding stall Cathy had mentioned.
And rot, also. The foul stench of a swamp.
“Gray and…White, too. That way…”
My thoughts splintered. I felt feverish. Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids. Headache. Shaking head.
I couldn’t hold it back.
“I can’t hold it back.”
My thoughts came tumbling out of my mouth.
It was so cold.
“So cold.”
I wanted…
“I want…”
Warmth.
“Agnella? You seem confused. Very well,” Sister Abigail declared. “Whatever the reason, I understand you are willing to accept the punishment of your brethren. I accept this request. Very good. Julian of Norwich, the Saint of Sight, who beheld a vision of God’s will in this very land once said, ‘All shall be well.’ Therefore, I shall forgive Georgie’s sins. In exchange, I shall visit upon you three blows from Julian and revoke your rights to the tokens and special allowance. Until that time, you may rest over here.”
Given her absolute faith in trials, she was, ironically, very much in favor of taking on other people’s punishments. She viewed my strange behavior in a positive light.
At her word, two of the nuns stepped forward and grabbed my arms. Another nun opened the orphanage van’s sliding door.
“No, you can’t!” Georgie cried.
“Agnella!” Cathy sniffled, watching all of this from a distance.
“Idiot,” Yolanda hissed.
I saw everything. I heard everything. But…
I was…
✦ ✦ ✦
Blood fell like rain. The heart was still beating.
The delightful squelching sound reached its crescendo, and the bones and flesh collapsed. The tendons and muscles and nerves and blood vessels came tumbling out of the body. Blood spread, darkening as it lost oxygen, cooling as its heat faded. The ground’s moisture formed needle ice, which absorbed the pool of blood and turned it a brilliant red. Crimson ice needles. Ah. Such a waste. I closed the wound while he screamed in pain. This wasn’t good. The sound might summon unexpected company. I reached both arms up and wrapped them around his neck, pulling his face close, sealing his lips with mine. I pushed inside to the back of his throat, all the way through the stomach and into the intestines. There, I savored the gurgling sound he made as he drowned and spent a pleasant time in his embrace.
I was…