As they walked through the forest, he gradually recovered and his brain began functioning again. Frustration and self-pity overwhelmed him. If he opened his mouth, he believed he would scream.
Perhaps she picked up on this, because Elda didn’t say a word.
He was so focused on controlling his raging emotions that he barely remembered getting back to Elda’s house. He suddenly found himself sitting on the couch in her living room.
She left him alone for a while and returned holding a mug.
“If the smell doesn’t bother you, drink this. It’ll calm you down.”
The mug smelled faintly of mint. He took a sip and found it a little sweet; she must have put some honey in it. He wasn’t sure what other herbs were mixed in, but it definitely warmed his belly.
“You’re still quite pale. Once you drink that, you should sleep a while,” she said.
“Sorry. Didn’t mean to make you look after me…”
“I wasn’t planning on meddling, but…I guess I just can’t leave well enough alone. You seem pretty unstable.”
He wished he could deny it, but he currently lacked the energy to argue.
Elda sat opposite him but said nothing more. She just stared into the distance, seemingly lost in thought.
Kyleid put his cup down. He took out the leather pouch filled with the vibration crystal shards that Elda had gathered for him. He poured a few out into his hands, but couldn’t bear to look and quickly put them back.
Nothing I can do with these… They’d shattered, much like his dreams and hopes. He’d seen a clear path to finishing the device; so clear it made the downfall even harder. It was his own fault for not considering their durability, but an even bigger problem was that they’d reacted to the appearance of the Kelpie at all. That meant this device wouldn’t have been able to accurately measure magic energy in the first place.
His mind wandered uselessly from problem to problem. Growing fed up with it all, he muttered under his breath, “Guess I’m back to square one.”
Elda’s gaze snapped back to him. “It was a prototype, right? It was supposed to discover flaws. Seems like you were really rushing to finish it. Any reason why?”
“I was rushing?”
This surprised him. No one had assigned him to this task; there was no deadline. He hadn’t intended to rush at all. But looking back, there had been a part of him in a hurry to finish as soon as possible, and he was all too aware of the reason why.
He was hesitant to tell her though. She didn’t really seem to expect an answer anyway. Elda just gave him an indifferent stare, like this had nothing to do with her. Yet he felt like her concern was genuine, if only because he’d sensed warmth and care in that cup of tea.
“This device is for an alchemist friend of mine,” he said, making up his mind to tell her. It felt like a cloud hanging over his heart began to lift.
Chris—the alchemist in question—had been Kyleid’s friend since they were children. They were close as could be. But ever since Chris had entered the alchemists’ academy, they’d grown apart, meeting once a year at best. Shortly after Kyleid left Kai and began his own workshop, Chris had come to visit.
“I heard you went out on your own, so I figured I should drop by.”
The years seemed to have taken their toll on Chris. There were dark cycles beneath his eyes.
“You okay, Chris? You look exhausted.”
“Do I? If it’s that obvious, maybe I really am overdoing it,” Chris said with a self-deprecating grin. “Research is an endless cycle of hypothesis and experimentation. I try to pace myself, but before I know it, I’ve used too much magic. Maybe there’s a disconnect between how much magic I think I’m using and how much I actually expend,” he said.
“Don’t be silly! You were a star student at the academy! Seriously, if you overdo it you could really hurt yourself.”
“Yeah. You should take that advice yourself, now that you’ve got your own business.”
They’d parted all smiles, but what Chris had said stuck with him. This was the first time Chris had sounded defeated. That conversation had given Kyleid the idea to create a device that could measure magical output. He’d wanted to make something original now that he had his own workshop, and by making the device himself he could address his own self-doubt.
Chris had earned a reputation at the academy, and Kyleid had always felt inadequate in comparison. They weren’t equals, and that thought had bothered him for years. But if he could complete this device, he was certain Chris and his colleagues would recognize his talents as an artificer. Best of all, the device would help Chris.
But Kyleid hadn’t wanted to tell anyone he was making it for a friend. He thought that was too much information and faintly embarrassing. The more he’d buried himself in creating the thing, the more scared he’d felt. Chris was a proud man and not one to accept help easily. If Kyleid admitted he’d made it for him, Chris would undoubtedly insist he didn’t need it. He’d been so anxious at the thought that he’d avoided seeing Chris ever since.
But if I show Chris the completed device, I’m sure he’ll want to try it out.
He’d convinced himself of that anyway.
“But I wasn’t rushing for Chris. I’m sure I was trying to finish it quickly so I could earn myself some accolades.”
Kyleid bit his lip. When the vibration crystals shattered, the first thing that had popped into his mind wasn’t his friend, but his own happiness, which now seemed very distant indeed. He felt even more pathetic.
“This isn’t just a matter of the heart. Even physically, I’m not cut out to be an artificer. I’ve spent months working on the measurement device, and lately I get tired so easily and get too sleepy to work. I can’t make the progress I should be making, and that frustrates me. I’m sure the crystals broke because of my own lack of focus.”
Kyleid hung his head, staring at his hands.
“Stop blaming yourself.” Elda’s voice no longer sounded gentle. “If a thing breaks, it can be made again, but people don’t work the same way.”
Kyleid looked up in surprise.
Elda appeared genuinely concerned.
“You’ve had a nasty shock today. That takes its toll on both body and soul. You need to be conscious of that and pamper yourself.”
“I know that, but how?”
“Go straight to bed. You’re absolutely exhausted, I’m sure. Even if you can’t sleep, stay in bed a while. I’ll bring some food up later.”
“Okay.”
She had a point, so Kyleid went to bed.
Alone in his room, the fatigue washed over him. As he told her about Chris, Kyleid had realized he wasn’t terribly altruistic. Deep down, he wondered if he was really making this device for himself.
“I think it’s high time I completed an original device and made a name for myself.”